Learning and understanding

This is post 💯!  Woo! For reaching this lovely, round milestone, I've been reflecting on the changes in me over the past 7 years. The early posts on this blog contain the comments that I had found hard to believe.  They are all true, no matter how outrageous they seem.  I had collected them to highlight the absurdity of many everyday activities.  There are lots more, but the world has become much less civilized and the need for those has decreased. Then I tried online journaling as my blog.  Let's just say that I am not Samuel Pepys.  The discipline needed escaped me. Plus, I thought people would be bored reading about my meals 😀  The current incarnation is a series of thoughts about various topics.  These change depending on my mood or what enters my mind at random times.  And here's what I was thinking today. A few weeks ago, I attended a project management seminar. I used to do these regularly, but have slipped off lately.  ...

I am angry.  It's a deep, simmering anger, that I've been refusing to acknowledge for months.  In fact, it's been brewing since the day 6 months ago when my doctor said, "Your cancer is incurable.  We can still treat it, but the goal is now to make sure that you're comfortable and manage your symptoms." I thought that I was managing it.  I found things to do, focussed on work, dealt with issues, learned new things... went through radiation treatment, travelled, visited people.  But it keeps popping up.  At 2am when I woke up and the dark hovers over me, my imaginings include accidents, yelling at random strangers... when I went out, I hoped for opportunities to pick fights.  I thought I was managing it.  I listened to people being awkward with their comments.  "You look fabulous, you must be feeling fine!"  No, actually, I'm not.  "Oh, I'll see you back in the office in 2 weeks!"  I don't think so.  "Have you tried...