Learning and understanding

This is going to be short.  I have been struggling to breathe easily and I’ve been coughing almost nonstop.  It’s extremely frustrating and exhausting, as I have to stop to catch my breath after taking a few steps.  It’s also quite painful as I feel weak and like I’m about to faint from a lack of air.  The cough is really draining, I’m sorry to say.  I didn’t eat much for the last couple of days as I felt so weak.  I’m not enthusiastic about upcoming appointments, but I’m resting as much as I can and regaining some energy.  Jerry is being very attentive and not letting me out of his sight for any length of time, and right now is on my toes.  Don is OK; he is also having breathing problems as it’s getting hot and humid again, so I hope things improve soon. I’ll just end now; I am feeling wiped out, so I’m going to take some rest.  Good night

The weather has improved over the last couple of days, and it’s warm enough that I don’t need the sweaters any more, which is nice.  I was also able to ditch the cozy socks, so my toes are happy to be free again.  Silly things that make me happy, I know.  My sister’s dog has a strong attraction for my toes, and he jumps on me as soon as I move… he’s got this habit of running up to me when I’m walking downstairs, which is unsafe for everyone.  Jerry is at least wagging his tail when he hears my voice, so there’s some progress in that area, at least!  Don has been on his own for 3 weeks now and I’m absolutely certain that he’s been glued to US politics and sports, and that he’s probably been ordering every possible cake/pie/sweet thing that he can possibly find!  It will stop when I get back home, sadly, and he’ll have to eat “real” food again… don’t tell him, ok? So yesterday I dragged myself out of bed, only because my room is also my sister’s home office a...

It’s starting to get cooler, and the autumn seems to be ready to move in!  Mornings are almost chilly, late evenings also, but daytime is usually lovely, moderately warm with some sunshine.  It’s the light-sweater stage of coolness, where sandals and shorts are still options, but a light sweater or shawl makes a difference.  Although Don told me that it was 6C and raining in Ottawa (it was easily three times that here!) he said that he was really cold from the wind, although he’d apparently closed the window already… Jerry likes this weather, and would be perfectly happy if it stayed like this indefinitely.  He gets perkier when it’s cooler and enjoys running around and would roll in the grass to his little heart’s content.  He’s still pretending that I don’t exist, and will for the next week! I’m getting very frustrated with my energy levels, or rather, the lack thereof.  If I do stuff for a couple of hours, I need almost double that time to rest so that I...

My sister strikes again.  She said that she couldn’t possibly be expected to suffer alone, and I argued that not only could  she, but she should  since she went out to find this… abomination 😳  I thought I’d share it with you as a form of stress relief from the insanity that I imagine many of you are experiencing as you prepare for the weekend and its festivities.  Jerry is guarding my feet at the moment, as we wait for my support worker to come.  He’s giving small growls every time he hears a door or the wind or any movement in the hallway.  He was on my lap, but changed position after I got a call.  Silly puppy.  Don is OK, relaxing a bit and waiting for his sports  which start as usual at an odd time!  Insert nightly complaint about the cold, chill, ice and general ugh weather.  More whining on the news about no white Christmas here, but the storm damage down East I think more than makes up for it.  I reiterate that I’...

It’s a summer Thursday so there was the weekly thunderstorm warning, which arrived about 5 minutes before almost 5 full hours of a heavy deluge!  Apparently 50mm of rain fell in under an hour!  There were flash floods on some streets and cars were stranded in deep water.  Don was driving like he was sitting on a porcupine as we went to my appointment.  We passed one car that had stalled at an unfortunate location as the rain streamed down.  Jerry was very unhappy with the storm; he curled up on my lap in the car and hid his face against me.  When we got to the hospital, I got out of the car, pushed the door and dashed in… but then realized that I’d left the door open.  Don used his cane to try and close it, the rain was so heavy.  I almost expected to see Noah loading up the animals at one point!  The temperature dropped from 27C to 15C in about 20 minutes; by the time we got home, I put on my oversized cozy and climbed into bed for a couple ...

My reaction to the booster was that I was wiped out… I slept for several hours, and struggled to wake up this morning.  That’s not bad overall, so I’m not complaining.  Jerry objected because his morning outing was delayed as I was unable to get up early enough for him.  I took Don to get his shot this afternoon, but unfortunately they were out of the Moderna (I’d selected Pfizer, not realizing that was significant ) so his has been delayed for almost 2 weeks.  We’re a little disappointed, but it’s not too bad.  The boys are now dozing on the sofa, both of them being tired out (and baseball is on… 😂) I got a lovely surprise call this morning from a friend who had moved away on her retirement several years ago.  We lost touch, then reconnected, then lost touch again, and she called today.  It was so great to hear her voice and to know that she’s doing well.  I think you all know how much I appreciate my friends, whether or not I see them often. ...

I took the monster out for a short walk today again.  He gets so excited to go out that he pulls on the leash just to get out of the condo, and in the elevator, he shivers and whimpers until we leave the building.  Once we’re out, he runs for the trees (often stalled by the leash hitting its limit,) barks at any passerby and then takes off for the corner to cross over and get started on his route.  If anyone gets on the elevator, he barks loudly at them, so we have a short, sharp discussion on his manners.  On the way back, he’s wound down, so he’s a lot quieter.  I’m glad that the weather cooperated today so we were able to walk the block (without my cane!! 🤩) and he was able to run off some excess energy so he should sleep well tonight!  Don and I shared some of his pain meds — in my defence, it’s a “breakthrough” tablet that I might use occasionally.  Mine weren’t as effective as I expected, so I took one of his.  My doctor is aware of my infr...

It was a nice day; it was a lovely fresh day with a cooling breeze and not too hot, altogether a lovely summer’s day that could have been improved by being in and near a body of water!  My nurse, on his visit yesterday, cleared me to take the monster out again, so we had a little walk today to meet his dog friends at the building behind us.  He was excited and thrilled first, to be outside barking at everything and everyone he saw, and second to be petted by his friends.  They were also happy to see him (and hopefully me too 😆)  He was so cute to watch with his friends!  Don is doing OK; still less than great but not too bad.  It’s sports time, so he’s watching that. I’ve never been someone who enjoys crowds.  For years, I’d go home in February because it was my mother’s birthday, and I’d spend it with her.  But it also often coincided with Carnival, and each year I’d be asked, “So are you playing ’mas?” I’d always reply, “I just play the fool.” ...

I found these lovely purple and white flowers that look very cheerful, so I thought I’d use them today instead of a picture of the Jerry dog, who is right now curled up behind Don’s leg pretending to sleep.  He is not actually sleeping, because if I stop typing and move my tablet even an inch, his head will pop up like a meerkat on the savannah and then I won’t be able to type anything for ages.  The boys were out today, in search of a take-out meal.  My substitute personal care worker came late, and Jerry took advantage of this by napping on my lap for over an hour until he arrived.  (By the time he arrived, I was about ready to start snapping at everyone because I was hungry and I expected him at 1, not almost 2:30!)  Anyway, all good. Don did one of his extra good deeds for the day  and went out to get Chinese food from his favourite restaurant, which is at the other end of the city and in the direction of traffic, too.  No complaints from me, as I’...

 This was me yesterday, having been “kidnapped” by my girlfriend.  My sister commented that my kidnapper allows a lot of freedom in communication, and I laughed and said that they weren’t aware of how easy it is to make calls 😂  I’m glad I went, and I had fun — in part because I hadn’t seen that friend in a very long time.  Combining compromised immune systems and a sixth!!! wave of this virus means that seeing people is a low priority, although I’m thankful for video calls.  Jerry would probably not care too much one way or the other, except that it means fewer people calling him cute and petting him.  Don would also be happy not to have too much exposure, given his age and my condition.  Either way, though, getting back into crowds will be a bit of a challenge for us, and possibly a cause of some stress.  To maintain my sanity and stabilize everything, I’ll continue to wear my mask in public and avoid crowds as I’ve done for years before this p...

 . Gong Xi fa cai! Xin Nian Kuai le. Wishing you a happy and prosperous year of the Tiger.  In normal times, we'd be getting ready for our New Year's dim sum, and the fun of being together. I had a few nostalgic moments reviewing some past gatherings and our time celebrating. I did get some messages from my dim sum collaborators regretting the lack this year. There's no benefit to bemoaning the situation, and we're looking forward to brighter days. The noise from the protests continue. This has caused me to lose a lot of sleep, and that's led to a huge jump in my pain levels-and a number of other issues. I'm trying to find and maintain my serenity, but it's not easy. It might be selfish on my part, but the effect on my health is negative. I'm  not inclined towards forgiveness in this situation. .Jerry is still distressed by the noise and he’s constantly seeking reassurance from us.  Don has managed to dig himself into a hole… he told some jokes that I’m ...

  Today marks my 23rd anniversary of moving to Canada. It's been a long, mostly fun, time. Part of me thinks that I've done a lot, and part of me thinks that I should have done more. It's like that for everything, isn't it? Part of you criticizes everything. Don and I were reminiscing about my life here, laughing at most of the memories. The last 10 years have been both the most challenging and some of the best. I'm very grateful for the many friends that I've made in this lifetime. Many  are work friends who made the transition to personal friends. Some I met on courses, or at dinner, or in random places. One of my closest friends I met while  shopping for clothes, and this year makes it 20 years that we've known each other. Another very close friend I met at work, and  we've been practically inseparable for over 20 years. It's wonderful to know that these people - and others - are an integral part of our lives. I honestly have only praise for my fr...

  Happy dance! Don got his Covid booster today. He's had no reaction to it, which is good, and we're happy that he's fully vaccinated. Jerry was annoyed, as he was left at home for the 40 minutes that it took for us to go to the pharmacy and get Don vaccinated. He complained about being left, and even more when we got home. We have now been forgiven, and he's exchanging laps every few minutes. My pain is somewhat better, in that I'm not in agony, but there are some movements that I can't make as there are shooting pains along my arms. My appetite continues to be erratic, but I can taste and smell my food! I just have no real urge to eat. I was surprised today. There was a news item looking back at  "The Big Ice Storm" of 1998. It's still fresh in the memory of people who had experienced it because of the damage it left behind. Some families lost power for weeks in the middle of winter. The reporter made a comment about, "the 24th anniversary o...

I had several broken nights since my return from Toronto. I couldn't fall asleep, and when  I did, I couldn't stay asleep. So I went through the days in a daze, and I'd fall asleep in my chair..- The night before last I was so tired, I tried to sleep and nothing; last night I feel asleep early in my chair, then when I woke up I went to bed. I took the maximum dose of my sleep meds last night, and it seemed to help. Plus my sister provided a recording of my nephew's 2am "concert" as she said I clearly missed being awoken by a restless infant! Anyway, it should be better and I'll settle-down soon. Don complained that he was up most of the night, but in all fairness, he was napping during the afternoon, so he was catching up. And Jerry... is tiny, bossy and adorable. T hat tiredness is what interfered with my posting, but I'm otherwise ok. Yesterday morning, though, my day got a shock. I got a call from the agency to tell me that "someone who was in ...

Happy Hanukkah to all those who are celebrating. I hope that you're able to enjoy time with family and friends, even if through video calling. The IV made a difference Imo. I was able to eat a bit more, and I actually felt hungry. That's good! We have some minor issues, but I hope they will be quickly sorted. Jerry was on my lap for 2 hours today while I watched a movie. He had his legs stretched out and would pat my tummy from time to time... He rolled over at one point and slipped off my lap. He looked very disapproving as he climbed back up. Silly puppy! Don is continuing to improve slowly, which is good. He still won't see a doctor, but is hyper-vigilant about my appointments! He's trying to watch the CFL games, but Jerry keeps carrying his toy for them to play. Any guesses who will win? My dad was waiting for me to call because he was upset. One of his close friends died suddenly on Friday. He didn't have any details last night, except that Mr. Ali had already ...

Flu shot done! So that's taken care of for the year. I am very pleased that flu (and COVID) shots are freely and widely available, so getting them is not problematic! We both got our shots today so we're covered. Don had a fall after he got his shot, while I was inside getting mine, and hurt his shoulder. He's in pain, but refused (of course!) the paramedics. He's resting, and he has the "nurse" on his lap. Jerry definitely knows who needs his comforting presence and when. While Don was on his computer, Jerry was in position on my lap but since then I've been neglected. I was out twice in 4 days. Isn't that great? Christmas shopping (a bit) on Friday-great fun!-and today to the supermarket-less fun, but still good, less Don's incident. I'm almost  normal! I ate a samosa today, after a boiled egg for breakfast. I was  actually hungry this evening, can you imagine? I'm a little annoyed with my pharmacy, as they were supposed to deliver this p...

I'm happy to report that I slept well last night and there are no side-effects from the vaccine. My appetite is a little better-I had some oatmeal, and a piece of roti and a spoonful of curry to eat as breakfast and lunch respectively.   Dinner was tea and toast-overall, more than I've had for a while. I'm taking the anti-emetics regularly, not just waiting for the nausea to hit. The tiny dictator, as usual, was parked on my lap as much as possible. He'd prefer that I didn't evict him so I could eat, especially since he can't mooch. He was so funny earlier-he'd finished the food in his bowl, and decided that we weren't attentive enough. So he picked up his bowl and carried it to Don, dropping it on his lap and scratching at him as if to say that he was a neglected, starving puppy who needed attention! we were laughing too hard to respond quickly enough, so he jumped onto  Don and got in his face.   He's scratching at me to be patted, and isn't pl...

I saw the pain management specialist today. He's generally pleased with  my progress, as the pain is gradually improving. He's less happy with my appetite (I've lost 15 lbs in 2 weeks-not a recommended approach!) nor with the level of my tiredness. He reminded me that I've been through a very difficult time in the past 6 months what with  surgery, a fractured vertebra, a torn tendon and then a high dose of radiation. It's a lot for a person to handle... It's a bit challenging, to say the least. Jerry  is again being attentive, and mostly curled up on my lap. When we got home from the hospital, he  crawled into my lap and petted me on my tummy (like I pet him) and snuggled in. He's so affectionate when he's ready. My appetite persists in being annoying. we'll see how it can be managed. I'm eligible, or will be, for the COVID booster. I'm questioning the ethics of 3rd shots when there are countries that are still waiting for their first! The  s...

  Day 1 after treatment. My body is letting me know that there will be repercussions for the radiation. I'm getting the first pains of tumour death-it's normal after treatment that  the tumour sends off pain as it dies from the radiation. That can last a few days, then I'll feel better. I've learned that I have several stages to go through, no shortcuts. It will pass, and I'll recover. I had Jerry on my lap, refusing to move. I tried pushing him off, he just grew extra limbs. I asked nicely, he just wriggled around and planted himself into my lap. I gave up and petted him, and he just snuggled in. He's persistent, and preposterous! I was watching the news a bit- not something I should do too often! There were, as usual, the stats for covid infections, hospitalizations and death. And recently, the numbers of unvaccinated among them. Sadly, they account for more than 80% of infections and over 90% of deaths. That is just... Those people are demonstrably stupid, se...

  I'm waiting for my treatment at the moment. Every week (in my case, Tuesday afternoon) I'm checked by my radiation oncologist to ensure that I'm doing well and that there isn't anything that needs extra attention. I had to come in an hour early, as my appointment is the last of the day, and 30 minutes after the end of the doctor's shift. At least the chair is comfy and it reclines, so I'm in serious danger of falling asleep while I wait! My doctor is very French, Parisian, and we only talk in French. I've learned vocabulary for all sorts of terms that I don't know well in English, either. Learning experiences are always to be encouraged! But he, like most of the other cancer centre staff, has been caring for me for 8 + years. Jerry and Don are waiting for me in the parkette, where Jerry can run around and bark at squirrels. He will be happy to climb in my lap when I'm done. (Spoiler:  he was and he did!) My niece and I were having a discussion on w...