Learning and understanding

 Here is the little mooch trying to mooch part of breakfast this morning.  He’s been jumping like a little springbok and scrabbling to chase his ball and generally being hyperactive this afternoon, wanting to play.  I think that spring is getting to him, and I’m distressed that I can’t take him for a long walk.  The main reason is my back and my lack of strength — I won’t talk about it too much, as I find it frustrating and I don’t want to become more of a bore about it — and the lesser reason is the second “protest” in Ottawa where I’m in the middle of a lockdown zone because of motorcyclists who don’t know what they want.  Don said that he didn’t sleep particularly well last night, so he was napping today.  Baseball is on now, though, so… 😆  I have a confession to make, and I may have to surrender my “I love food” card.  Here it is… I don’t like a number of apparently luxury foods.  I don’t like truffles, for instance.  The smell, to me, is of rotten items, and even though I like mu

Jerry has curled himself into my blanket and made himself very comfortable, as you can see.  He’s arranged my legs into a backrest for himself, and, well, that ends any hope of me stretching out my legs for the night!  He’s pretending to be chilly, but his real interest is taking up a remarkable amount of bed space for a small dog!  I continue to be amazed at how much space he can occupy on a queen bed that’s otherwise unusable by the other adults!  Don is happily watching baseball again, and I will try to climb back into bed after I’m done writing.  I can either lie down or write, not both with the little monster in play! It warmed up to a beautiful sunny day today.  I tried going for a short walk today, but my back — which sort of  behaved — decided that giving me 5 minutes of comfort was all I’d be allowed and it flared into dreadful pain so that ended that.  It’s awful, feeling that burning knowing that it will make me have to sit and recuperate before I can do anything.  The other

It was a sunny but chilly day today.  The sun looked lovely, but dreadfully misleading, as it provided precisely no warmth as the wind tried to slice bits off you.  I was outdoors on the balcony for a few moments only, and was happy to return to my OfDon  cloak and warm up!  Jerry is burrowed into a blanket, so I can’t tell which end is which for him, and he’ll extricate himself at bedtime or if I start nibbling something. Don is quietly sipping on his tea — no taste issues there! — and watching sports.  It’s that time of year where sports occupy most of his attention. I’d forgotten two things: after radiation treatment, I lose my sense of taste for a while, which makes food taste like cardboard; most irritating.  And I’m also finding that even my tea has no flavour.  I can smell the Earl Grey, but all I taste is heat.  Food — even my luscious curry — is just a mishmash of textures, no real flavour.  I’m glad that I ate the first lot  before  my body realized that side effects were a f

 Well!  We woke up this morning to see snow!!!  Snow!!! Drifting down.  It continued until about noon, and then turned to a light drizzle.  The temperature barely cracked freezing, but at least the snow didn’t lie.  It’s gone, and only a chilly feeling remains.  Although photos on the news show that some areas had trees frosted with cotton and fluffy verges, but for us, it just looks damp.  Jerry didn’t like the chill, and was curled up on me, shivering — his coat is so short now that he feels every change in temperature.  My hands are also cold (that’s pretty normal) but it’s taking a while for us to warm up.  Apparently it’s supposed to warm up to 20C on the weekend, which would be comfortable, and hopefully I’ll have enough energy for a short walk.  I’m about due another “kidnapping” I’m told, which would be fun.  I got my 4th Covid shot today — second booster.  There’s a letter from the hospital for cancer / immune compromised patients which I received and it made me eligible; in c

These flowers look like fireworks, don’t they?  So pretty!  I just had  to share them.  I feel a bit more upbeat and positive this afternoon than I did even this morning — an undoubtedly good thing, to be sure, but I would like to know the cause so I can replicate it on demand!  Jerry disapproved very soundly of me reading my (very thick) book today, pushing himself onto my lap and rabbit-kicking the book away.  He has burrowed into a blanket and has settled in on the sofa, watching me with little teddy-bear-button eyes to ensure that I’m not eating anything or planning to leave or even to get up out of my seat.  Don is glued to a hockey/baseball/something else with a team chasing a thing game, and it feels like rain is imminent.  (The weather channel suggests rain from 9pm, but it feels closer.). My support worker was here today, and we cooked, so I have lunch for a few days.  My lovely, kind, former-neighbour-who-moved-across-country-on-retirement friend shipped me the spice mix and

 Good morning.  You get a (short) update this morning, as I was WAAAY too zonked last night to even think coherently, let alone write!   I’m due at an appointment early this morning, so I made sure to be out of bed at the crack of dawn (dawn’s rosy fingers were just creeping over the horizon, in fact, when my alarm went off!) I’ve just had a boiled egg, toast and tea, participated in a TV Mass, petted the dog (who begged about half of my toast!) and decided to drop a short line.  The boys are asleep - I’ll wake up Don shortly - so it’s quiet. I participated in the group session yesterday, and I’m not certain that it’s a fit for me.  It’s a small group — just 6 participants, plus the 2 therapists, done by Zoom, so it’s really intimate.  One participant had their video off, but was the most vocal.  The others tried to join in but were often overridden by the image less one.  Adding to my challenges was that between my energy and my meds, I was struggling to keep my eyes open long enough

Happy Orthodox Easter to those who are celebrating!   I got a lunch delivery which included Easter eggs and a compact meal.  It was delicious, and there’s enough for tomorrow as well.  Jerry spent as much time as he could on my lap, guarding me in case I wanted to go to the bathroom unaccompanied!  He’s right now on Don, lying on his back and asking to be petted.  It was a cool, but sunny day today, and if my back had allowed, I’d have happily gone for a short walk.  Unfortunately, it didn’t cooperate and I stayed in to rest. I’m going in to rest up early again.  It seems to help a bit when I go to bed reasonably early and get some sleep.  I’m optimistic that I’ll be able to resume movement normally soon-ish.  Good night!

I’ve been woken up by a little guard who has decided that sleeping curled up on my tummy is a choice.  I have tried to shift him, but it’s of no use.  I just get a look  and he’s back.  Partly it’s that he feels chilly and he wants the extra body heat, which is really ok unless he’s parked on a full bladder… nuff said!  My back continues to flare pain on a far too regular basis for my comfort, and the medication is slow to treat.  It may be that I’m too impatient, but it does feel like it’s taking longer to get relief.  Fortunately, once I fall asleep (not always easy) I’m able to get some rest.  Don is well, and has a bit more energy, so I’m happy and relieved about that. I’ll be starting a new therapy session on Monday.  It’s a trial for dealing with uncertainty for cancer patients; normally these types of arrangements include caregivers, but this doesn’t.  It will be a group session of 6.  I’m stretching my boundaries a bit; I don’t usually do group sessions, although I had helped a

I had a few dreadful, pain filled days, hence no blog for the last 2.  Yesterday, Jerry was due for his grooming, so here he is, the half of a dog returned to me after being shaved, caught in full yawn (or barking 😂) while guarding me when they got back home.  He’s been snuggled (as usual) on either Don or me and I think that he feels a bit chilly as he’s been so closely trimmed, going from his thick winter coat, and it’s still a bit cool (it’s early spring, so not yet warm, despite the whining of people who should know better.). I had intended to go with Don to drop off Jerry, but he said that I looked unwell and suggested that I stay home and get some rest. Pain is such a deep, unrelenting thing.  It can be managed — as I’ve learnt from my many excellent doctors — but it persists and forces you to pay attention to your body in ways that you otherwise might not.  There is no way to avoid it completely, as much as you’d like to.  There are two ways to deal with pain, though, that I’ve

Hello spring!  It was a pretty day, somewhat cool but still pleasant. The boys were out while the nurse was here checking on me.  My back is hurting a lot, so this will be short as I’ll head to bed.  Hope that you are doing well and enjoying whatever you’re doing today  I will wish you a good night and try to get some sleep 

Alleluia He is risen indeed.  Happy Easter to all who are celebrating today.  It was a lovely day outside, and the sun was out, few puffy clouds (Or, as one of my friend’s kids used to say to me “fluffy pink cows”) We ordered lunch today, since nobody had the energy to cook.  Jerry was enthusiastic about the delivery because someone came to his door, and they smelt of food.  He waited with some patience until Don got up to do something, and pounced on the remainder of his chicken.  Being yelled at had no effect, he just wriggled and wagged his little tail and looked proud of himself.  Then he jumped on my lap and lay on his back and twisted until I could massage his tummy.  Spoiled brat!  Don is fine, apart from losing his supper because he left food where this little monster with surprisingly telescopic legs could reach. Easter is easily my favourite season, even more than Christmas.  I mean, I love Christmas, and all the family rites and the love and everything.  There are so many lo

It was a lovely spring day today, with some sun, some few clouds and nice weather.  Unfortunately for me, it was also a day with some horrific pain in my back.  I don’t know the cause, but the pills are sluggish to respond!  Jerry spent as much of the day on my lap as he could, only leaving when Don was on the sofa to throw his ball; otherwise he would sit or lie on my lap and try climbing on me.  I discourage that, as it’s painful to me to have him climbing on my abdomen.  Don had a decent nap, and a good meal, and is now “busy” with hockey… Jerry is keeping an eye open on each of us to see which is more likely to have a lap for snuggles. As part of the Easter journey, today is the day when Jesus remains sealed in the tomb.  Yesterday, Good Friday, ended with the dead, crucified Christ taken down from the cross and placed in the tomb, not fully prepared for burial.  Today, the apostles are hiding for fear of the population who were whipped into a frenzy and into anger and disappointme

  It’s been overcast today.  When I first moved to Canada, I remember walking to church and I met an older woman, also heading to St. Patrick’s, who told me that it must  rain on Good Friday to have a proper spring.  We chatted briefly about the weather (it was drizzling that day) and since then, Don talks about how it always rains on Good Friday.  Well, today, it drizzled a bit, but it wasn’t what I would call a rainy day.   Yesterday  now, but today was just grey.  Jerry spent the day hopping from one lap to another, while Don was napping.  I had some extra energy today and I made a small batch of salt fish Accra this morning.  That was great, and I enjoyed them tremendously.  Then I had a lovely video chat with my family in Trinidad and Toronto, which made for a great afternoon.  My dad, of course, was delighted to see us all on a single chat… I’m amused, but he refers to video calls as “visits” because he says it’s like we’re in the room with him. So I was briefly on Facebook today

It was another rainy day today where Jerry couldn’t be allowed out to romp in the mud.  For myself, my back was in agony such that breathing was a definite challenge.  I will be heading to bed soon, as I wait for the meds to take effect.  That is not my idea of fun, but I’ll manage.  Jerry is lying on the sofa and eyeing me every few minutes looking for an excuse to jump on my lap.  Don is relaxing on the sofa, and they’re both happy right now. I’m thinking more about Holy Week and the events that happened then.  But I was thinking about a number of things.  It’s clear that Judas’ departure precipitated a series of events, and also that Jesus knew what was happening.  He said to Judas, “What you are going to do, do quickly.”  So he obviously knew what was being considered.  Does that mean that he went along with the whole idea?  Does it mean that He had a hand in it? That seems wrong on several levels, but if He aided Judas, then…  For myself, I think a large part of the activity for t

It began raining just as we were leaving the house today, and hasn’t stopped yet.  Although it was a warm-ish day, it felt chilly with the breeze and the rain and so on.  Jerry stayed in the car, where he was out of the rain and he then curled up on my lap for the ride home, and he just plumped into my lap when we got home and took a nap for an hour.  He’s now on Don’s lap on the sofa and pretending to ignore me. Don has a free hand — the other controls the remote — and is nibbling on a bag of M&M’s.  It’s all good, and we’re sitting around, warming up. I honestly didn’t know this, but today is apparently called “Spy Wednesday” because of Judas Iscariot and his betrayal of Jesus.  It’s one of those things that makes me ask a couple of minor questions.  For instance, who was in the conversation between Judas and the Sanhedrin who reported on the money transaction?  I don’t imagine that he took a witness with him when he went to ask, “What will you give me?”  It’s not practical to th

What a beautiful spring day today was! It was warm enough to need just a sweater, no need for a coat.  Jerry had a great time running around, except that he doesn’t like getting his paws wet, and the ground is more mud than grass still.  So he jumped back into the car with wet, muddy feet, and I’m very thankful that I was wearing an old pair of track pants which will be tossed out after this week.  The car seat, though… well, it will need a good brushing when it dries off.  Don is doing a little better, although he has these moments when his knee gives him a problem, but hopefully that won’t last too long.  I wish that I had more energy. Today was one of those days where a long, long walk is a perfect thing to do.  I’d have loved to walk to Parliament Hill, down to the river, and looped back up.  Jerry would have completely enjoyed that, what with all the extra hills to run up and down and maybe chasing a rabbit or a chipmunk tossed in.   Sigh.  If wishes were horses, and all that. I w

It was a windy, cool spring day, where the weather hinted at warmer days to come, but was not ready to demonstrate it fully.  I’m happy to see these drier days, as they mean that flowers will be appearing soon… but with Easter this weekend, I expect a few more days of rain before the explosion of colour that I know is coming.  Jerry went for the drive to the hospital for my appointment, but wasn’t able to get out and run around because the ground was still very wet and muddy  so he was dancing on my lap when I got back into the car, and working off some of his energy that way…  Don had a bit of trouble with pain in his leg — partly weather related, we think, as his joints sometimes let him know when rain is due. I’ve been watching a few of the court shows as daytime viewing.  I’m stunned at the cases that make it before the judges… I mean, they’re small claims cases, so the maximum award is about $5,000 and sometimes the litigants sue for a couple of hundred dollars.  Many of the cases

I was video chatting with my family this afternoon, and took a screen shot of my father out in the yard.  I loved the colour of the sky — it’s been grey and cloudy here for a few days, and this blue was just so lovely.  He’s been complaining that he looks old with his hair white, and I think it looks great.  He is, thankfully, in good health and has a find appetite, so I thought I’d share his photo with everyone.  I’m being a dog bed in the little shot of me, and I wasn’t allowed to move for well over an hour (the time I spent talking to everyone)  Don is again glued to his hockey game, and from the occasional noises that I hear, his team is doing well; apparently so is his baseball team, but I confess that I really am not paying attention to the games.  I’m deep in one of my books, so I see and hear nothing that’s going on around me.  That changes rapidly if I’m petted by the dog — he’s very persistent until he gets what he wants! I’ve been asked several times what is important to me,

My back is still spasming tonight.  It’s annoying, but it could honestly be considerably worse than it is.  The more challenging thing is that my eyes are closing so it’s hard to stay awake… I’m obviously going to be heading to sleep pretty soon!  Jerry is in a little ball on the sofa, where he’s happily doing something  that I can’t see very well, but probably getting into some form of mischief… as long as he’s leaving me alone it’s good.  Don is in the other room playing on his computer, leaving me in control of the remote while there is a hockey game on.   He’s a brave man, trusting that I won’t change the channel or “lose” his remote (we have 2, for just such an emergency.) Oh my… I’m dozing off on myself.  I just had to delete several lines of my post because they were gobbledygook… I have no idea what they were saying, and it was preferable to erase them than to publish and eliminate any question as to whether I’m losing my sanity!  I think  what I wanted to say was that even tho

 This was me yesterday, having been “kidnapped” by my girlfriend.  My sister commented that my kidnapper allows a lot of freedom in communication, and I laughed and said that they weren’t aware of how easy it is to make calls 😂  I’m glad I went, and I had fun — in part because I hadn’t seen that friend in a very long time.  Combining compromised immune systems and a sixth!!! wave of this virus means that seeing people is a low priority, although I’m thankful for video calls.  Jerry would probably not care too much one way or the other, except that it means fewer people calling him cute and petting him.  Don would also be happy not to have too much exposure, given his age and my condition.  Either way, though, getting back into crowds will be a bit of a challenge for us, and possibly a cause of some stress.  To maintain my sanity and stabilize everything, I’ll continue to wear my mask in public and avoid crowds as I’ve done for years before this pandemic.  Now, as much as I enjoyed my

My girlfriend came and “kidnapped” me today.  She told me to get dressed, she’d come pick me up at 11 and she would return me when either I got tired, or I collapsed on the floor… Kind, isn’t she? 😝 I tried telling Don that I was in fear for my safety and I was about to be stolen from him and Jerry, and he just said, “Oh good, nobody will bother me when I’m watching TV.”  The love, I tell you… So she arrived, and we went off to the mall where she used to work before she retired (cancer is a distressing and unpleasant experience)  We walked around a bit, stopped in the store where she had worked, we both  bought sunglasses (matching ones, too!) looked at some other shops, bought some baklava (tastes homemade and utterly delicious) had lunch, and generally had a very fun day.  It was pouring rain and grey, overcast, chilly, damp and otherwise a perfect day to be in the mall or else curled up under a blanket with some hot chocolate and some good books or magazines.  When I got back home,

Is it any wonder that poets and songwriters go so completely crazy over springtime?  Especially in the far north, where winter has an iron hold over the land for months, and the cold gets into your bones.  I’d like to visit the Far North, but not in February when darkness is almost complete and the cold is even more bitter… But spring, when the land starts to wake up after its winter sleep and the flowers begin to peep out in their abundance; it’s just lovely and magical and a source of delight.  I’ll skip all the rhapsodies and just be happy to be alive on a spring day when the sun is shining and almost warm!  If I were in Trinidad, I’d probably have similar delight at seeing all the green  after winter here and I can see the poui blooming as well as all the flamboyant and the many brightly coloured trees and flowers.  Yes, spring is approaching and I love it.  I feel happy about that, which is why you’re being inundated with the descriptions of flowers that aren’t yet out here… and I

I have to start off with the good news.  A few days ago, a friend of a friend asked if she could make me a meal.  I said yes, and promptly forgot about it, as there are people who offer to do things but then forget.  This afternoon she called to ask if she could deliver some soup to me.  I thanked her and she dropped off a bowl of barley, chicken, chorizo and vegetable soup, which was wonderful.  Just as an idea, Don (the world’s fussiest eater) had a bowl and a bit!  We both really enjoyed it, and there’s one bowlful left, which may not survive very long.  Jerry loved the day today, as it was a beautiful spring day, with lots of sunshine and he had a chance to be out in it.  Lovely spring, with the sun and the blue skies and the fresh breezes, but no lilacs yet!  We wait… My back, though, will need to learn to relax as I just go through normal activities.  The twinges are no fun. Talking to my dad this afternoon, he was distressed about the war and the numbers of people who are dying

I had an early appointment this morning, so I went to bed extra early last night.  Sounds like a sensible idea, right?  My alarm was set for 6am, to allow me time to have breakfast before we left… I woke up with the alarm, blinked, and it was suddenly 7:45 and we had 15 minutes to leave the house!  Talk about an adrenaline rush!  We made it with 1 minute to spare, but I was hurrying to make it, and I was quite tired by the time we were done.  I’ll definitely have to work on my timing again!  Thankfully, I don’t have to rush tomorrow, as my personal services worker is due at 1pm, so I should be ok.  I’m tired again tonight, so I’ll be heading in shortly.  The boys are both stretched out on the sofa right now, and I can hear little snores coming from one of them.  We’ll all be nicely rested, I hope, by tomorrow.  I’ve got a few plans for this week, but I hope they don’t overwhelm me. Is there a way that we can manage to remember that the people who are suffering from wars, famines, disea

Aren’t these pretty?  A photo from Belgium, from my friend’s garden.  I got a full “bouquet” taken between flurries… after grumbling that winter was almost snow-free.  Today I had several long phone calls with friends with whom I hadn’t spoken for a while.  It was so nice to catch up with them.  It’s also nice to be reminded that I haven’t been completely forgotten, even though I’m doing a good impression of a hermit avoiding people (between the Covid, my back pain, the cold and the 1001 reasons for avoiding socializing that I’ve been practicing!). Of course, Jerry did not approve of my phone calls, and parked his little self on my lap and did not  move, even when I asked him nicely to move!  He only changed position to move my hands to rub his belly more… Don is feeling more energetic, and has a very healthy appetite (so the ice cream is in severe danger!!) and was very busy between spring training and hockey.   I had my usual aunt-niece chat today, and I was recounting some of my ear