Learning and understanding

  While working through the day, there are stories that emerge that frequently made me stop and shake my head in disbelief.  (As if the others weren't enough!) Yes, these are all true -- and the speakers were oblivious to the irony of their statements. It's good to know that the government has a process to deal with returned cheques.  At least they're not ALL complete idiots. OK, we've finally written the project charter and implementation plan for this multi-million dollar undertaking, and detailed all of the requirements, the scope, the deliverables and everything that we'll need to complete it.  Good job.  Now, what do we need to to get this project in place?  And what is it supposed to do? It's 1300hrs.  Yeah, I'm going to be late, a friend had an emergency.  I had to drive him to the airport; I know I said I would be there by 10, but I had to drive him, then I had to bring the car back to our house, then I had to come in by bus...

I had never heard of a "sump pump" until I moved to Ottawa... not something that formed part of my childhood education. Then I was told the classic excuse that headlines this section; and when someone told me that it wasn't possible, I said to myself "These Canadians are crazy" and continued with my life... but it had to go in here. I can't come in today, my sump pump is busted and I have to get it fixed -- otherwise my highrise penthouse apartment will flood. I meant to pay you back, but then I needed to get a new cellphone, and then I had to upgrade my computer, and well, now I need more time, you understand, right? I didn't mean to run over your foot, but I had to back out of the parking space so the plough could clean my spot! Oh, I just love Sweetarts™; I eat them like candy! I'm sorry I missed yesterday's meeting, I had to have a root canal done. I was on my way over to your house, when the car wouldn't start, and I had to...

These are the "OMG you are such a bonehead" or "WTF!?!" or just plain Huh? reactions. I tried to sort them from the next category on plausibility... or reaction... or just because :) There was a fire in the boiler room? So... ummm, doesnt' that mean the smell is like, the remains of carbon monoxide? No wonder I feel sick and am going to die! Could you call a meeting of senior management to get them to approve the new governance, please? We need to get them to agree that in future all policy questions will go to the Policy Committee for review and approval, instead of to the Operations Committee. "A proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven." This computer-based program that we're developing is not IT-enabled, because we're using external resources to build it. I sent out the tweets to my peeps, and they know where and when to be. If y...

These are a collection of my favourite simple stories / excuses and one-liners for getting out of things or justifying why ( or why not ) things were done. Included here are stories for the "just one little slice" and things that nobody really believes, but are too polite ( or don't care ) to comment about. I was just so busy that I didn't get around to calling you back for the last 4 years. Sorry, was so hard to wake up this morning, I was really comfy! Man, it's hard to get started when the clocks change! That hour less throws me off! ( In spring ) Geez, it's hard to remember the time, it's so dark when the alarm goes off, and the extra hour... nice to sleep in. ( In Fall ) Was that due today? Oh, sorry, you should have reminded me! I meant to do it, but when I got home, I was just wiped out... Men! ( My favourite! LOL ) Women! ( Just to balance it out... ) I'm going to go to the gym tomorrow, but first... Sorry I was late, I had...

This is how Don would start some of his more outlandish stories "There was this little old man out in the snow, and he said..." following on from that would be something really silly. The ( real !) stories below are in that vein... I don't know whether the people were expecting to get away with what they were doing, but this is what they offered by way of explanation. You need to drain all the liquid in a can of beans and rinse them thoroughly before using, because the liquid is poisonous. I've only been doing this job for a year; I don't know how to do it. What do you mean, you need me to tell you how much it costs? I've only been running this for the last 18 months, I don't know what it costs! You haven't provided sufficient proof of competency in English to qualify. The last exam you took in English was in 1977, and although you have since obtained a Diploma, 2 Bachelors' Degrees, 2 Masters' Degrees and are a PhD candidate, all in ...