Learning and understanding

  I saw a challenge recently to “go for a day without complaining.”  I looked at it and thought “Hah!  That’s not a challenge!  Who complains that much that a day seems like a challenge?”  Then I started making notes of complaints.  Well, howdy – there’s a whole litany of complaints throughout the day!  It’s actually, and sadly, easier to go a day without saying “Thanks” than it is to not complain! We start the day with a grumble about the weather… “Oh, it’s too cold.”  (which I will admit has been going on here for the past 7 months.)  “Oh, it’s raining.”  “It’s so hot!” Then there’s the “I don’t know what to wear” group… “Will you hurry up?  We’re going to be late!” “All the lights are red!  And this traffic!” “Who was supposed to do this?” “What is taking so long?” “Why can’t they get my order right?” “Oh that line is so slow!” “This day is dragging!” (or “I haven’t had time to even go to the washroom, I’m so bus...

    I have noticed that people don’t always seem to understand the difference between a problem and an inconvenience.  So many people go through their days recounting the many “problems” that they faced, seeking some validation of a struggle.  Most of the time they aren’t dealing with problems, but with inconveniences. Why, you ask, do I care?  Well, it’s because in the middle of the “problem facers” are people who are dealing with real problems, and they often don’t say too much about them.  They’re being strong and silent, supporting others around them.  Wouldn’t it be so much nicer if we could do less griping and more encouraging? So what’s the difference?  An inconvenience is a difficulty caused to your comfort or personal desires.  A problem is a situation that is harmful or dangerous and needs to be handled.  Most of the things we encounter daily are inconveniences.  Although, to listen to some people, they are life-alterin...

My late grandmother was a powerhouse of a woman.  She was short – under 5’ tall – and the first adult who was shorter than I was as a child.  (I think I was about 10 when I was taller than she was.)  She was often strict and had some very old-fashioned views (she was born in 1903, so that’s not surprising!)  She was widowed young, with 3 daughters and not much money, but she raised my mother and aunts to be independent in an era when things were very difficult for women of colour. In all things though, we adored her and she returned that with interest.  The anniversary of her death was a few days ago, and I’ve been thinking about the things that I learnt from her that still guide my life. Coconut oil is the best thing to use on your skin and hair.  Everyone needs to know how to cook.  Make your own meals most of the time – you know what you’re eating, it’s cheaper and it’s much better for you than the stuff you buy. But the best that you can afford...

We all have beliefs that we use to sustain ourselves.  We believe that we are competent, capable and caring.  We believe that we can accomplish things, and that we will ultimately succeed.  We believe that we’re not good enough, smart enough or rich enough to matter.  We believe that success is just out of reach because we’re too fat, too lazy or too busy to make a change. Whatever our beliefs are, we live them.  If we believe that the world is essentially a good place, filled with caring people, we will tend to find it so.  We will almost always find that one person who makes the goodness shine out.  If we believe that the world is dark and ugly, then we will find that too.  Doesn’t it make sense, then, to seek out the good in things, and to keep going back to that in difficult times? I know that the world frowns on people who espouse a belief in God.  But for every mocking article, every negative bit of news coverage, there is another wit...

We’ve all got mannerisms that mimic our parents.   Sometimes they’re comforting, sometimes irritating, and most often they’re overlooked until a particular situation brings them out.  I never noticed, for instance, how much my youngest sister sounded like our mother until one day when I happened to call home and she answered.  It took a few minutes to realise that it was she and not our mother.  Most often, people tell me that I’m exactly like my father. My niece comments that it takes her a few seconds to identify which aunt is on the phone because we sound alike.  (Since she started using Skype, that’s not a problem any longer!) When the family is together, the mannerisms aren’t noticeable. They’re part of the tapestry of the family.  It’s when I spend time with my siblings away from the whole that I notice how many times our parents are echoed.  With my younger sisters, they bring our mother to mind.  They imitate her comments, her way o...

Dear Ms. Demeanour, First time writer, long time reader.  I just want to say how fabulous I think you are! Last week, while I was waiting at the doctor’s office for a check-up, people kept giving me dirty, angry looks!  Two people glared at me before moving seats away from me.  An old woman (miserable type, you know the kind?) handed me a tissue and said “Wipe up, dearie!”  Interfering old bat.  And a small child said “Cover your mouth when you cough.”  Don’t they understand that I have a bad flu , and I need to breathe?  What should I have said or done in that case? Sick of it. Dear Sick, What a dreadful experience you had!  First, that you had to get out of your house in that condition; you poor thing!  Then to have all of those people point out your ailment to your face.  I am shocked. Perhaps next time, you could consider staying at home and avoiding contact with people?  You should have all the amenities there – bed, frid...

Continuing with Lent. There are two archaic expressions that are beautifully descriptive for the situations where you have apologised, or you have forgiven, and you want to show that your change is real.  We’ll look each of them as examples of the change. You have done something wrong, and you have apologised.  How do you show that were sincere about not doing it again?  I’m sure that you’ve heard of the expression “to wear sack cloth and ashes” (or variations thereof.)  This is an ancient ritual which involved the penitent person wearing a shirt made of stiff goat hair (with the hair worn against the skin) and smearing their face with ashes.  The point was to have the person undergo some suffering and public shaming for a defined period to show their remorse.  Some religious groups continue the practice, by wearing uncomfortable shirts to remind themselves of their failings.  (And I think that some women do this by wearing some very uncomfortable sh...

How many times must I forgive? If someone has hurt me, why should I forgive them?  And if they do it more than once?  Everyone – Christians and non – knows Matthew 18:22.  (“I say to you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.”)  We’ve heard stories of those superhuman people who forgive offenses against them.  Immaculée Ilibagiza, who survived the Rwandan genocide and forgave the people who killed her family.  Nelson Mandela, who was imprisoned for 30 years and forgave his captors and led South Africa into a more inclusive democracy.Corrie Ten Boom, a Holocaust survivor.  The list is surprisingly lengthy.  All of them have a common message:  “I forgave them, and I was free.”   It is not easy to forgive others, especially when the hurt is great.  We look at the offender and think, “I trusted you, and this is what you did to me?”  Many of us have also said, “I’ll never forgive you for this!” and probably meant it, too....

We’ve all seen them.  The lurking articles that are headed “You won’t believe…” or “This is the most astounding…” and so on.  Click-bait.  The teaser lines that are supposed to grab your attention so that you click to read the article or view the clip.  Then you see that the story links to something else that “You must see…” or that “Doctors hate…”, etc. This made me think a bit about human nature.    I’ve seen several that claimed, for instance, that they contained information that “the establishment” wanted to bury. There’s a flood of stories about celebrities in unflattering photos.  There are articles that promise instant weight loss, cures for every disease in existence, miraculous transformations, promises to make you immediately rich, and invitations to “catch the perfect partner.”  We know that they are time thieves at best, and at worst, they may be viruses or other spyware.  They promise new, life-changing information.  O...