Learning and understanding

  Today was much as usual, with pain in my upper back that just sits there.  Still not a great appetite but I’m trying.  I had a few bites of baked macaroni and cheese and a piece of chicken for lunch, so that was good.  Jerry has been stuck to me for most of the day, and has been cuddling as much as he can… Don was joking that Jerry was sending me a subpoena for having locked him out of the bedroom in the middle of the night.  Don’t be surprised if I appear on Judge Judy  or People’s Court  charged with unlawful eviction of a tiny black dog, or if Don appears against me in support of the tiny dictator!  (He can’t be trusted to take my side against Jerry! I continue to work with my niece in preparation for her confirmation.  She’s got a LOT of questions, which is great, although she sometimes has more than I can cope with at once.  We’ve been doing pretty well with working through the questionnaires that are provided for home discussion,...

  I had a phone call with my doctor yesterday as part of my regular treatment.    As good news, he asked me about the pain in my lower back and hip, and much to my shock, I suddenly realized that I haven’t had that pain for a couple of months!  The pain has been concentrated in my upper left back, around the shoulder blade.  I had to pause for a second to acknowledge the difference and I’m happy about that!  So good to have confirmation of positive changes, right?  We had treated that area by radiation, and thankfully it worked!  As for the rest, I have more tests to do so he will be submitting the paperwork to get those done.  We were awoken by the fire alarm at 3am today.  That upset and scared Jerry who howled for a long while, then needed cuddles after.  Don was in some pain after, probably due to being startled awake.  After I fell asleep again, I didn’t wake up until almost noon!  That alarm was very distressing. ...

You know, it's quite annoying to me that I'll have several days of feeling healthy and then suddenly things change and I feel dreadful. This week is one of those. I'd been  mostly ok but then my tummy started to act up and that made life more challenging. I still don't have much of an appetite, and not much energy. I'm delighted that it's quiet again,  but I'd like some more energy to be able to do things. I'm beyond frustrated with so many things. Even with an affectionate little lap warmer, it's annoying. I don't know what to do to make things better and get my appetite and energy improved. I had a long chat with my niece, and we talked about my time in a church youth group when I was her age. I told her about our activities, things like overnight retreats where we went off for a weekend and a large part was for religious activities. But we also had normal teenage activities, like going to the movies. My niece said that she'd never done any...

The "red zone" has shrunk again, and my street marks the southern boundary. I'm pleased to see the progress! We're having freezing rain now, which started this afternoon. The ice is starting to accumulate on the window panes. Jerry is busy managing both of us, and has been complaining that he's expected to eat dry dog food He brought his empty bowl over and dropped it at my feet! Don is under heavy guard now, because he slipped out to toss the garbage and there was an annoyed puppy! I don't know why, but I'm absolutely freezing. even though I'm wrapped up in my hoodie-blanket, looking like "OfDon" (He's having fun with that.) There is a lot of discussion about prices at the supermarket. There's an impact from the slowdowns at the borders, where food was delayed severely. Plus reduced crops because of poor weather last summer and autumn. And higher transport prices because of increased oil costs. I feel the pinch of that, and I'm a...

Life is slowly returning to normal. It's quiet-no horns!-but there are still police around. The "red zone" has shrunk a bit, but I'm still in the middle of it. No worries about that. Jerry is bouncing from me to Don and back; and he's been barking at everything-to the point that I've said that he sees ghosts. I'd like to be more energetic so I could do more, but  I won't complain; it's not going to change anything. Hopefully, when it warms up I'll feel less useless. Don has been glued to hockey, but much to my surprise. he's been watching the women's team, and in football (soccer) He often surprises me! I've been rereading a series that I'd first encountered in the early 90's - it took 20 years for the author to finish! I read all 14 books as they were published, but I haven't done a complete series reread ever. It's a shame, because the books are great. It's also very time- consuming as each book is over 900 pag...

  It's a normal Sunday quiet today! No horns, no engine noises, no diesel fumes! There were some officers checking the few drivers around, but the streets are quiet. News shows that the Hill is clear, which is just marvellous. Even Jerry is less on edge today, but he's still very cuddly. Last night he crawled onto my tummy and curled up there to sleep. Don is also a bit more energetic, so all is well. I hope that my sleep improves a little more-I've been waking up after an hour and then it's difficult to fall asleep again. I was able to have a small meal today also. Relief! After the past few weeks, I have been wondering at how easy it seems to be to radicalize individuals, even in liberal democracies. Or maybe that should be especially in liberal democracies. Listening to the truly nonsensical comments and beliefs from the people in the streets, I came to the conclusion that the educational system has failed so many! Or, perhaps more accurately, adults have failed succ...

  I'm watching, horrified, something I never imagined happening here. After 23 days. police have arrived in large numbers to remove the occupiers from downtown Ottawa. Since  yesterday, the number of trucks has dropped-many were seized and towed, but a few opted to leave. There have been over 100 arrests as of last night and numbers will go up. The occupiers have been screaming at the media, and I'm stunned at the stupidity that's spewing from their mouths. One woman shrieked, "The coronavirus is the common cold! I learned that IN BIOLOGY!" Another, as she was being  handcuffed howled, "We're backed by the USA! If you arrest me, the US Military will invade and conquer." Apropos of nothing, "why aren't you in Russia, fighting for our  rights?" They used children as shields in the protest; and were throwing smoke bombs and claiming that the police were using tear gas. They charged at mounted police and then screamed that the police. didn...

Most of today I was struggling to stay awake. The meds are helping with pain, but I'd like to be awake a bit! Not at night, just during the day when I've got (minimal) plans. Of course, though, I'm usually a dog bed, so that - while it's a "plan" - also limits my activities. Jerry is very comfortably stretched out on my lap, with his little paws pushing my hands where he wants to  be petted! Don's doing well, too- he had to be unglued from the news which he's been watching for updates on the people who still haven't left! That, and the situation in Ukraine occupy his time. (plus hockey...)  From the news, I’m thankful that I didn’t need to leave home as the police are closing access to downtown!  Traffic seems extremely gridlocked. I've lived here a long time, but I'm still not used to ads for medicines. Why would I need to talk to a doctor. about a medicine? I don't treat my medical team like drug dealers. Apart from which, I'd pre...

  Yesterday I couldn't keep my eyes open, and fell asleep late afternoon soon after my personal worker finished washing my hair. (So nice to have clean hair!! And clean sheets-such luxury!) Because of that, no update. I also started a new medication, which is probably the cause of my drowsiness. Once again, the little dictator had spent most of the day dozing on my lap or scratching at my arm to get me petting his tummy. Don is looking much better today, which is a massive relief for me. He's annoyingly stubborn, but I'm always miserable when he's ill. (Don't tell him; his head will get more swollen!) I was half-watching a medical drama recently. Normally I enjoy watching them, but I was suddenly extremely stressed. The plot involved several individuals who were facing recurrent cancer diagnoses, and I just couldn't process that. The moments of doctors explaining the new findings to people who had been happily in remission were particularly brutal! I have to say...

  Happy Valentine's Day! I wish that you will receive and appreciate many signs that you are loved. Despite a friend's claim, I don't think that today is only for romantic love, nor is it a global plot by women to make men's lives expensive and difficult! I do, though, think that it's a good thing to tell the people in our lives that they matter and we love them. Today continued the pattern from the last few days. I'm trying to both do some things-like my physio exercises-and not strain myself. I get tired so quickly that I'm frustrated. Don is a bit more energetic today, which is great. Jerry was in super-snuggle mode again, and started the day by climbing on my  tummy and spent as much time as he could on my lap. Don spoils that dog! I have to confess a little thing... a couple of weeks ago, I sent a (short) letter to a friend because I thought that it's nice to get mail that is not a bill. She seems to agree with me, and sent me back a lovely, newsy, ...

 . I've had a few painful days this week. My back decided that I needed a reminder of what it feels like to be weak and in agony. It's improved, but I still get some unpleasant  twinges that feel like something has ripped on my shoulder blade and it's challenging to find a comfortable position to sit or lie down. Because of the pain in my back, breathing hurts. My appetite continues to be erratic, and I've been lectured by my medical team on the necessity of eating more solid food than I've been lately (still lots of Ensure) My days have been mostly full of having Jerry lying on my lap, or else butting and scratching me to continue petting him. Unfortunately for him, me bending to pet him is painful, so he has been jumping into my lap, regardless of what I'm doing. I have a short reprieve as he's currently perched on Don's  shoulder, guarding him from having a snack. He's feeling somewhat better, which is a relief, even if he's not back to full s...

It was a milder day today than a few days ago. Some light flurries, around freezing, so that's nice. We expect snow on the weekend, which is fun. I was out today for a bit-it was so good to have a change of scenery! Jerry was beyond excited to get into the car, and he ramped up when he realised that we weren't going to the hospital. It was funny to see... he settled on my lap when we started, and when we didn't make the left hand turn, he got very excited and looked out the window... he was squirming on my lap most of the drive. Very cute to watch, but tiring to manage! Don thinks that it would be a good thing to go out more often-and I won't argue! - with appropriate rest breaks. Thanks, everyone, for your snack ideas (and photos.) I will do my best to rest up and do some snack preparation. If I do it right, I'll be able to freeze some for easy reheating. It's true that I can't look at a full meal serving these days, but if I have a few crackers I don't...

  A night of unbroken sleep-so wonderful! No horns today either. mostly. Then were a few strays, but not many. I'm told that some areas still have people clogging the streets, but the police are finally acting to ticket those who don't respect the rules. I have a minute for a free lap while the tiny dictator is on the floor for a break- Don complained that he's still got pain in his arm, and is trying to get over that. Here's hoping that he feels better soon. A couple of friends sent me stuff that surprisingly were about related subjects. They don't know each other, so this was a surprise. One sent a one-line text asking, "Can a good Christian woman be a feminist?" The other sent an article, the summary of which is: "Autocrats and fundamentalists oppose women's participation in public life because when women are involved more progressive results occur." I must say that any group that works to limit free participation in civil society is wrong...

 .  Gloria, gloria! The courts have handed down an injunction banning all horns for at least 10 days. I'm super relieved! It was quiet today, and I got some sleep last night, and I hope to feel better. That's some great news. My good friend dropped off a bag of Cheetos for me, and I enjoyed some of it.- but he then gave me a long lecture on needing to eat actual food and not just Cheetos. I managed a bowl of rice and chicken-and-bok choi stir fry as lunch. My nurse commented that I've lost weight in the 3 weeks that he's been attending to me. We did a quick weigh-in (I've always hated those!) and I've lost about 10 lbs in 2 weeks. There was a time when I struggled to lose even 2 lbs in that time, and I would have been thrilled to drop some weight. These days, I need to maintain a weight, so losing isn't what the doctor ordered! I'm not convinced that he'd order  a dog lying on my lap for a prolonged period, but that's what happens. C 'est la ...

It was somewhat quieter today than recently . However, the noise has left me with a feeling of unease, where I'm on tenterhooks worried about its return. I was more stressed today than I was yesterday. I actually had thoughts of self harm, because of disrupted sleep. It is not something that happens often, but -like moments of depression- I don't control when they appear, just my response to them. I'm being honest, that those thoughts did enter my mind for a few seconds. I was able to deflect them, but it did take a moment. As though he sensed my  discomfort, Jerry was on my lap as much as he could. Nothing like being a dog bed to make you feel comforted. Don has been resting today, dealing with his arm pain. I hope he'll recover soon. I'd prefer if he went to see a doctor, but... stubborn! I watched the Netflix movie, "Don't look up" today. We'd started it when I was at my sister's but were distracted by toddlers... So I decided to watch it wi...

  My patience is wearing thin. These individuals are making life more and more unpleasant, and my pain keeps getting worse. I'd like things to improve so I could sleep and get some rest. I'm trying to remain optimistic and calm, which is a bit of a struggle. I spent most of today as a dog bed, petting a tiny, stretched out dictator who played with the remains of a doll. He'd got a stuffed toy for a gift, and he'd pulled all the stuffing out of it and he's shaking and  tossing it around. It comes to bed with him every night and he starts playing with it as soon as I get up. Right now, he's resting and probably planning mischief. He was lying on Don's shoulder for a while. He managed to sneak a s mall, plastic cup and he was playing with me, staying just out of my reach! I swear that he was laughing at me. I have to ask if anyone has a favourite recipe for a quick and easy snack that could replace Ensure? I've been consuming at least 2 a day. and I've ...

 . I'd love to get to the point where neither noise nor pain are features of my day. Sadly, today is not that day. I'll spare you the dreary details of both. and tell you about my little dog, who has been cuddling most of the day. I find that he's a little ball of hugs who just seems to love being petted. He's taken over my lap, and I'd like a teensy bit more room but there's no hope of that! He's trying to mooch off my toast! Don's doing a bit better today, and has been eating well. He and Jerry played for a long time, which might be why he's so cuddly now. My niece and I were taking a few moments to review her homework for RE. Tomorrow's reading is a short story where the lead . character meets Jesus and they are in a room in which all of their thoughts are written on a set of cards. The questions for discussion are good, though, and require a bit of introspection. We've been doing this for a few weeks now and we discuss the stories and the...

  I'm sad to report that I'm still in dreadful pain. I'd like to imagine it away, but I can't. And it's agreed that a lack of sleep adds to the pain. My appetite is also not great. Don is still not feeling great-his arm is quite painful. Jerry was feeling very playful this morning, and snuggled up on my pillow... I have to ask-don't people learn about household things from their families? I mean things like budgeting, meal preparation, grocery shopping, laundry, etc? While it's always helpful to get tips, I'm often surprised at the number of people who moan that they didn't learn these things in school. There was a class called Home Economics (which I didn't take) in high school that covered many of these topics and included garment construction and other such useful subjects. It was introduced late in our high  school career, so my year couldn't take it. But we did have several sessions on marriage and household management that were interest...

  Today is the 80th birthday of my dear friend, spiritual advisor and priest, Fr. Leo. I've known him since I was about 17 and he's been a close friend and confidante to me and all of my family over the years. Amusingly, he's the same age (older by 2 weeks) as my mother, who was just thrilled about that, and the fact that they also shared an anniversary. (He was ordained in July while my parents were married in October of the same year.) As I said, I met him when I was about 17, and he's been a great source of inspiration to me. Like all teenagers, I had a ton of questions about religion, and I was convinced that I had all the answers. Typical teen! He listened to my questions and treated me seriously, where many other adults were inclined to be dismissive or saying that I was wrong without any explanations. It was great to have a religious leader who was also practical. I mean, he never said that I was headed to hell for disagreeing or questioning. He always managed to...

 . Gong Xi fa cai! Xin Nian Kuai le. Wishing you a happy and prosperous year of the Tiger.  In normal times, we'd be getting ready for our New Year's dim sum, and the fun of being together. I had a few nostalgic moments reviewing some past gatherings and our time celebrating. I did get some messages from my dim sum collaborators regretting the lack this year. There's no benefit to bemoaning the situation, and we're looking forward to brighter days. The noise from the protests continue. This has caused me to lose a lot of sleep, and that's led to a huge jump in my pain levels-and a number of other issues. I'm trying to find and maintain my serenity, but it's not easy. It might be selfish on my part, but the effect on my health is negative. I'm  not inclined towards forgiveness in this situation. .Jerry is still distressed by the noise and he’s constantly seeking reassurance from us.  Don has managed to dig himself into a hole… he told some jokes that I’m ...