Memory

When I woke up it was dark and overcast, and not at all encouraging.  I checked the time, rolled over and went back to sleep, waking to a lovely clear sky and a brisk, cool breeze.  It’s been coool and chilly since, and I’m wrapped in a cozy blanket with a sulky dog on my toes.  He’s sulking because I was eating some cookies that didn’t somehow fall into his open maw.  They contained chocolate so he’s not allowed any, but he thinks that’s definitely a problem.  In his view, nothing that goes into my mouth should be denied to him!  Don is quite chipper today, which is so nice!  He was happily bingeing his true crime dramas until my nurse arrived to hook up my hydration and after that he was indulging in some Canadian football… it’s that time of year.

I have only one small gripe about the hydration, and that is that it makes my feet swell at the end of the day; they go back to normal overnight, but it is a little frustrating that they do that, as my feet get tender.  In other news, I’d ordered a samosa from an Indian restaurant that I’ve used before.  I was able to eat curry without a problem from them, so I tried the samosa… my stomach burned for hours after.  I don’t know what they did differently but it was definitely much spicier than the curry and my tummy was miserable!  I also ordered onion kulcha which I do like; it too was extremely spicy and I haven’t been able to eat much of it.  Super disappointing.

Today marks 12 years since my initial surgery when they removed my kidney and the giant tumour and began this current journey of mine.  I still remember the feelings of confusion, fear and uncertainty that I felt then; I remember saying to someone that my world had ripped in half, and it’s really easy to recall that.  I did not, then, think of death — it never crossed my mind that I could die from the surgery or in recovery, although my father said to me a few days after surgery that he was at last comfortable that I would recover.  It seems that how I look and how I feel don’t always line up, or else (probably my friends would agree) I’m too stubborn to admit to feeling ill or weak… I’m forced to admit more and more often that my will exceeds my ability and I’m not happy at all with that!

Oh, the blanket was gifted to me by one of the lovely volunteers at the hospital; it’s one that was crocheted for cancer patients.  It’s warm and cozy and very pretty!

At the moment, I think I’m going in search of something celebratory, like cake… I think that surviving this long is worth marking.  I am still in search of a good overnight spa, that has to be accessible with a restaurant that serves food I can eat, so when I’m done my assignment of the reviews, I’ll focus on that!  Good night!