Learning and understanding

My nurse arrived early today, and put me in bed jail; sort of. She said that I need to rest, and I can't do anything, and I have to take a nap this afternoon. <sigh> That was because I am in a lot of pain today, and she's not happy with my available meds. I had to call the doctors, leave a message, and say that I needed a new prescription. <sigh> again.. I'll follow her instructions and rest, so that might be good. Another early night is in order. I hope that things improve tomorrow. As for the meds-I currently . have a choice between heavy-duty painkiller narcotics, and Tylenol regular, and she thinks that an anti-inflammatory might be a better choice. I don't know. I'm not crazy about more meds, but relief is desirable! Unfortunately, because of my pain, Jerry was banished from my lap today. I expect to be served with a lawsuit for cruel treatment of a Schnoodle any day now! He was locked in the other room during the nurse's visit, and voiced his d...

Well, I slept quite well last night. I went in fairly early. had a bit of difficulty getting to sleep, but I finally nodded off by midnight. I woke up at 8, was late taking my first dose, and I've been half- tired all day, but didn't sleep. My appetite isn't back yet, either, plus  I am still dealing with nausea. My nurse arrives tomorrow, so I'll see what she recommends,   Jerry, tiny dictator, pushed both my crochet and my iPad off my lap and  jumped on me himself, and took a nap. He barely moved when the phone rang-this is unusual, as he normally begins to bark when I get a call! I did evict him briefly when I had lunch, but he reinstalled himself when I finished eating. My radiation treatment begins on Monday, and I have the first week's schedule. I confess that I'm not thrilled about this, but it's necessary, and I'll get through it, DV. I'd still like a super power, because all the comics show that radioactivity leads to superpowers-Spiderman, ...

Today will be a short update. I was tired most of the day. although I slept well. I feel like there's a vice wrapped around me, and I've been using the oxygen a bit today. It was pouring rain, which makes it a little challenging, but I'm happy to have the oxygen to help! Jerry is again annoyed that I evicted him  from my lap because I was trying to crochet, and I can't do that with a dog who likes to play with wool. I have to report that I wasn't able to eat much again today. I spent some time browsing menus on delivery apps, but was not inspired to order anything; the same with grocery apps. I'm going to try an early night in hopes of feeling a little better  tomorrow. Meanwhile, I've got several books-3 paperbacks, one a reprint of a 1932 book that I enjoyed tremendously, but which had been butchered in its conversion from hardcover to paperback. The editor described it as "slightly abridged" but cut out whole chapters and large chunks of text! I...

  Happy Sunday. It was another beautifully sunny and comfortable day. I was, unfortunately, not up to going out, but I spent time soaking up the view from my window. I'd really like to have both the strength and energy to do things. I mean, it's been 4 months since the surgery, and while the  incision is beautifully healed, I'm still experiencing pain in my back. Yes, it's reduced from where it was (I was averaging pain at a level of 10 / 10; it's now about a 3 or 4) but my ability to do things is still low! I can try, for instance, unloading the dishwasher, and I'll need to sit. Changing the sheets-I need to take a rest. And so on. Cooking- cutting up vegetables or meat is done sitting down, and I can't do more than one dish at a time. Luckily I can set my rice in a steamer and ignore it; I try to bake in preference to other methods because I can leave it. But it is so frustrating! Jerry sat guard on me as usual  today. My lay minister came, and Jerry let e...

I didn't take into account the effect of two days of back-to-back hospital appointments. The effect on my system just whacked me on the head this morning as I missed the buzzer for my 7 am meds by  almost 2 hours! I was having small naps this afternoon, but it' s all good. Yesterday, I  ordered a roti from a new (to me) place, and I was very happy with it. I ate about half, and today I finished the other half. Still good. I'm pleasantly surprised, and relieved to be able to get a decent roti in Ottawa-we're approaching grown up status now! I have been used as a dog bed again- I’ll have to accept that as my role in life where the tiny dictator is concerned! He crawls onto my chair, pats my legs with his feet, and then arranges  himself on my lap. Have I mentioned his bossy nature? But, as my neighbour pointed out in the elevator yesterday, life is definitely not dull with him running the show! I got an update this week from a friend who, like far too many others, I haven...

I slept very well last night, thanks in part to some pills. I'm not crazy about them, but they help. I remember when they were first proposed I objected to them and was refusing to take them. But my friend Valerie talked sense and got me to understand that taking the meds when I needed them was better than sticking to my idea of avoiding extra pills and not taking them- Since then, I take the extras when I need them and I can often stop them after a few days. Much better than suffering for days and being a nuisance to others because I'm tired and cranky! I'm again a dog bed today. This morning, Jerry climbed into my lap over my protests and curled up to be petted. Then I had my radiation planning appointment at the hospital, and since we got home he's been snoring in my lap and snuggling affectionately on me. If I get up to go to the bathroom, he shadows me! He's apparently decided that I need lots of extra affection and attention . If he spots another dog, he banks...

I woke up before the alarm and managed to remain awake for the duration of the appointment. My doctor is pleased with my overall progress. He explained to the resident that when I first met him, I was in a wheelchair and in so much pain that I could barely stand. then he said that the next time we met, I was being wheeled on a gurney and I didn't leave the hospital for 6 weeks. And so on. Today I walked in and barely used the cane, so he's thrilled with my progress. I can't argue with him! As I expected, Jerry was bouncing off the walls this morning until we left for the hospital. He knows the route now, and starts excitedly whining when we turn onto the highway! It was raining all day, so he wasn't able to run around as he'd like. He was very happy when I came out after my appointment, and settled on my lap for the ride home. I napped this afternoon, to partly make up for my interrupted night.   Jerry spent part of the day curled up with me, and the rest with Don. ...

  I slept so well last night! I went in over an hour earlier than usual, woke up twice, just long enough to be aware that I was awake, and fell back asleep again. It was a good 7- 7.5 hours sleep, Today I feel a little tired, but not as much as yesterday. My appointment with my oncologist went well- it was our first in-person in almost 2 years! That's such a long time. Maybe the comfort of getting our treatment plan sorted helped me to relax more? That actually might be true; I did feel more at ease leaving than arriving, and hearing him give her trademark, "we've got the following options. _ " and calmly explaining what we could do. No wonder he's got such a huge fan club! 😊 Tomorrow I've got an 8am appointment. THAT is going to be a challenge, because lately I don't wake up much before 9... <sigh> It will definitely test both my alarm and my willpower! I know that Jerry will be hyperactive in the morning-he always seems to know when I have a chang...

 . Sigh. It's annoying, but I seem to have reverted to my nights of broken sleep. I've been waking up after a half-hour's nap, and then I'll pass out for a while. Most tiring-no pun intended! My appetite is again poor, and I had 2- 3 bites of toast and I'm full. Very imitating. I'll try going in early tonight in hopes of adding a couple of hours. This afternoon I felt groggy and drowsy. which was draining. I had an in-person appointment with my oncologist this afternoon for the first time in almost 2 years. His nurse has decided to retire; I knew that she was planning that for some time, and had reduced her hours so she worked 7 days in 16. . I'll miss her- we had sometimes spoken by phone in the last 2 years. It's still a bit of a shock, though. I was fine with doing my sessions by phone or video chat, but in person was great. The appointment was fine, and slightly longer than usual, because we were discussing treatment options and were able to speed th...

  You know, I realized a while ago that my energy is not great, and I can usually plan a "big thing" per day, and the bigger the thing, the longer I need to recover. So my fun outing yesterday meant that today I was slow and sluggish! It'll be ok. I enjoyed my pastries with some tea, and some sushi so those were great, if small, mean.  Jerry was back at the park, and Don grumbled that he got a bit sunburnt from sitting in the sun. It was another summer's day, and autumn starts tomorrow! I had to ponder a couple of items  today. First was whether I am disinterested in people or that I respect their privacy. The second was similar, but it related to giving advice. I was wondering because it seems that I don't dig into what I'm  told. For instance, if someone tells me that they are starting a new  job, I will congratulate them, ask questions like - so where will you be located? what's the new role? Are you excited by the new job? When do you start? When do we...

It was a stunningly beautiful summer's day today. Crystal blue skies with puffy little white clouds. My dear friend called me yesterday and said that she was jealous that I'd gone out with another friend for chicken sandwiches and hadn't called her, so in retaliation she was coming this morning to kidnap me, and she wouldn't tell me where we were going, but as the kidnap victim I'd be responsible for brunch! (we had a discussion on the roles of victim and kidnapper, but she said that she's an unconventional kidnapper and I didn't get a say.) Anyway, I took her to a bakery where we got some pastries and coffee and tea, then she took me to a spot south of Ottawa, where we found a picnic table and enjoyed our brunch. we got home just after 2, after a lovely day out. I needed to rest after, of course, because it was tiring, but so much fun. I'm glad we did that today. Jerry didn't go with us but he and Don spent a couple of hours at the park. They left a...

I slept in an awkward position last night, so today I've got a MONSTER stiff neck and sore muscles. So miserable! But at least that pain is manageable and easy to treat. The rest of the day was slow as I tried to regain my balance (my legs, for some reason, decided that they wanted a. day off so I was wobbly) so I did extra rest, and worked on my physio exercises for a while. Jerry was spoiled as Don took him to the park and they saw several friends for about 3 hours. They are both napping on the sofa now... I heard a snippet of dialogue in a show today that reminded me of conversation that I'd had a while ago. In the show, a couple was having an argument as they were breaking up, and she refused to accept money from him. And I thought back to my discussion with my friend. He husband had offered to sponsor her for citizenship, saying that it would be easier if they had 'the same. Her mother-in-law interjected a snide comment, and in a fit of anger she refused. Years later,...

Today I woke myself up at 8:30 instead of 11:15. It meant that I needed to be awake earlier than I had been all week. It was a little difficult, but I stayed in an upright position for a few hours. However, I did have serious difficulty staying awake. My challenge was with my ability to keep my eyes open. It's quite difficult. Even worse now that they are playing baseball (more!) and football (snooze!) I'll wait for a bit until I hear some snores, and change the channel... Shh! Don't tell Don! Jerry has been in a cuddling mood all day. It's good, since he's not hyper-active, but it does mean that he wants available lap space that's open for napping. It's all good and fun! But I probably will need a few hours of empty VCR tape to record his cuteness... He's a dreadful ham, although he likes to ignore the camera and will refuse to do anything if he knows that he's being recorded. My eldest goddaughter describes him as "using all his ear muscles to...

I went for a walk today, this time with a friend who flat-out insisted that I slow down my  pace, that I sit to rest while he ran a quick errand, and we ate a relaxed snack. I was much less tired than my earlier walk, we took a slower stroll back home, and I have been resting since.. A much better time! (of course, having company definitely improved things)  I will remember to be careful in future. It's a pity, but I still can't eat much. My lovely chicken & avocado burger is in the fridge, minus I bite... I'm hoping that things improve soon Later, I had a lovely video chat with my sister and her family. My 2-year-old niece actually said, "Hi!" to me 3 times! That's a big deal, because she normally ignores me. On the other hand, my nephew, who normally has multi-megawatt smiles for me, just chewed on his bib and ignored me. It's all fine! I'm still eager to plan a visit to them, but I still have a way to go to get back my strength. I'll take my...

  I'm still dealing with an unhappy tummy. It's dragging on a little too long for my comfort! My nurse came today (I can only delay her visits, and to reschedule two in a row is not encouraged.) My readings are all normal except that my blood pressure is a bit lower than usual; it's still within the acceptable range, thankfully. My appetite is still MIA, so that will need some attention, I'm having some mashed potato for dinner, so that may help a bit! I feel a little weak, but given that I've not eaten much for several days and I overdid things, it's unsurprising. Here's hoping that things return to normal-ish soon! This morning Don and Jerry came to wake me up about 10 minutes before the nurse was due. Jerry did a flying leap on to the bed and rolled into the blanket, then wriggled onto my tummy for cuddles. I had barely enough time to get up before the nurse buzzed for entry! The little monster spent most of the day curled on my lap and dozing. He was ext...

I had a super-crappy night. I suffered several bouts of diarrhoea so I was unable to sleep much before 4:15am, then I awoke at 7:20 am, took my 7 am meds and tried to sleep again. During the night, my sugar reading was so very low, that I needed a snack before I went back to sleep. It was a disrupted night. Today I have next to no energy, and I'm dozing off quickly. I'll go back to bed early-I cancelled a visit from a nurse this afternoon. Today I'm paying for yesterday's walk. And to everyone who has rightly questioned my decision- making capacity, Thanks for your concern. I know that it was not the finest example of my abilities. I'm tired and I feel trembly. I'll take the time to recuperate and I won't repeat it. As you've guessed, I was pushing myself to show that I'm more independent. You all know that I'm stubborn and sometimes my stubbornness overrides my common sense. You also know that I will admit my failings, so there's hope for im...

Today my sleep was a little challenging. Because I slept in the afternoon yesterday, I had a rather broken night, with some bizarre dreams. Rather annoying! Then too, because I didn't eat properly, my blood sugar level dropped very low, which aggravates sleep issues. I intend going in reasonably early tonight, in the hope of sorting out sleep problems before they take hold. It's supposed to be a chilly night (8° c) which is actually fabulous for sleep. I'll be wrapped up like a roti, enjoying the breeze from the slightly open window. I'm still not eating as well as I'd like but food is going in, and although I'm still gagging, food stays down. I see more conversations with my doctor... The little dictator has shifted allegiance tonight, and is rolled into a ball on Don, "watching" baseball. He's allegedly concentrating so hard that his eyes are shut... I'm not commenting! They're happy there. I went for a short walk this afternoon to get so...

My lay minister was here this morning at 11 so I received Holy Communion, and we prayed for a bit.  Shh! Don't tell anyone, but I slept all afternoon. I apparently needed the rest, because I dropped off "as soon as my head touched the pillow" and I didn't stir for a solid 3 hours! And the other reason for secrecy is that I didn't eat. I wasn't at all hungry, until after I woke up this evening. Then I had tea and grilled cheese.. I also, for reasons I don't understand, had a few episodes of nausea, which deterred me from eating more. Here's hoping that stops tonight so I can focus on being healthy! The tiny dictator spent part of the morning cuddling me and patting my tummy... when I made a phone call, he sat at attention and then curled up again on my lap. This evening, he took a flying jump onto my tummy and refused to get off. He's now in a heap with a blanket and sleeping with one eye fixed on me. He stayed on me while I spoke with my dad and th...

Generally positive news today. I was able to eat a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast; some rice, spinach, and chicken for lunch and tea and toast for supper. I consider that a win. I'm not going to worry about the portion sizes, as that is likely to cause stress! I'm not sure why I'm feeling so sleepy today. I slept well last night, I napped after I woke up and took my meds, so I should be rested, but I feel so sleepy! Jerry has again occupied my lap today, so my crocheting is behind as crochet does not combine well with small dictatorial lap dog! Today was flooded with reminders that it's the 20th anniversary of 9/11. It's surprising to me that it's already 20 years! I remember, as does everyone else who experienced the day, what happened.. It was very traumatic on many levels. I was working for Citizenship & Immigration Canada, and there was a strike underway. I remember hearing about the first plane hitting the tower just as I was preparing to leave for work....

I was able to eat some grapes (not at all sour LOL) and I made a small bowl of fried rice, so that was good; and half of a sausage. It's annoying how quickly I get full! Most of the day I was a dog bed, and I was not allowed to leave my chair! Very bossy supervisor I have there! He tells on me, too.- I'll have to try other ways to escape the dictator's tiny furry paw! He's so bossy!  I'm sitting in my chair, with a small, black dog on my feet. He's been exceptionally snuggly since I got back from my doctor's appointment yesterday. He won't give me much space and as soon as I sit, he jumps on my lap. I had to hide in the bedroom to be able to call my dad today because when I was on the phone earlier with my aunt, he was trying to knock the phone out of my hand. He was letting me know that I should pay him more attention. He's a tiny attention glutton who thinks that he's the boss of the house! And he might have a point there... So I'm sure tha...

Working on restoring my energy. I had a short walk this afternoon, and realized that I get tired fast and that aggravates my back. Most irritating, but at least I'm still able to walk, even though it's not as far or as fast as I'd like. Let's stay focussed on the positive. I know that I'm allowed off days, but I'll try to "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..!  Staying focused  on the positive, I was actually hungry this evening. I haven't felt hungry in over a week, so that was good!   It was a lovely day today; mild and mostly sunny. It was, though, surprisingly humid. I had a few moments of gasping for air. I'm glad that I got the oxygen concentrator; it does make it easier. I was asked if I ever argue with God during my prayers. I said that of course I do. There are times when I feel like I'm being asked to carry too much, and on those days I find it helps to express my frustration in my prayers. I thank God for my very many ble...

Another day of low energy and feeling sluggish. It's a bit irritating as I have plans of things I'd like to do. On a positive note, my nurse was here today, and all of my readings are in the "normal" range. Funny enough, my blood pressure reading was exactly the same for the last 4 weeks. Textbook  perfect! 20h My temperature, too, was unchanged for 4 weeks. My pain level is lower than at the beginning, but is annoyingly still present I'll have a review by my doctor tomorrow. I don't anticipate problems. I'd like to congratulate my dear friend on the birth of her second grandchild and first grandson. And, of course, congratulations to her son and daughter-in-law! Welcome to the little one. My dad and sister are both wrapped up in cricket this week. Meanwhile Don is glued to baseball. Personally I don't pay attention to either, but frankly I prefer cricket of the two. People- mainly north. Americans,-mock cricket for being slow, and laugh about the 5- d...