Learning and understanding

I was “kidnapped” today at lunch; my kidnapper is very considerate and gives me some notice so I can change out of my stay-at-home comfy clothes into leave-the-house mostly comfy stuff.  The smell of smoke still pervades everything and there’s reduced visibility — the skies are a dingy November grey, but no rain, just smoke from the wildfires.  Breathing is a challenge, as it’s humid as well as smoky.  Yuck.  Jerry is in high excitement for the day, partly because I was out this afternoon, and partly because my ( his ) support worker was here later.  He thinks that she’s here for his amusement, and objects to her taking me off to do things like bathe and do stuff in the house.  Don, thankfully, feels better today than he did the last couple of days, and has a little more energy.  I’m hoping that he shaves his beard soon — I should be used to it by now, but I’m not a fan of dense face fungus.  I’m not doing anything overt, just dropping hints about...

My sister sent me this photo of the waterfront in Port of Spain.  She and my niece are spending a long weekend in Tobago, and they sent some photos from the ferry.  Is it strange that I can almost feel the sun on my back and smell the sea?  It’s getting hot and muggy here now, unfortunately with smoke particles mixed in.  I understand from the news reports that the smoke is now affecting the UK and Western Europe, in addition to North America and parts of the Caribbean.  Really challenging to breathe today, because of it.  Jerry plunked himself on my lap for a long period this morning, so I couldn’t do anything.  He seems to think that a total of 10 hours of zoom in a week is excessive 😛  Don was complaining that he didn’t feel quite like himself today, and had an upset tummy for a while.  He’s perked up a little this evening, so hopefully he’s back to himself soon. I slept a little better last night, although I was still feeling drained tod...

Another birthday crown that arrived in the mail from a friend in Vancouver.  It reads “birthday princess” and is heavily bedazzled 😁  It was a difficult choice as to which one would get worn to dinner.  But my niece edged out the competition… (the judges may have been biased!)  It’s much cooler today than the last two; it rained heavily again yesterday and there were some on and off showers during the day today.  It’s overcast now, and there’s still smoke in the air from the wildfires, which makes it hard to breathe again.  The smoke is forecast to last for a few more days, and so (thankfully) is the rain, which should help with the air quality index.  Jerry was going into his zoomies  mode today, and was barking at nothing — I went to the door twice because he was sniffing at the door and looking back at me.  I made the mistake of opening the door, and he shot out and raced down the hall.  Luckily he just investigated the hall and then...

This is from last night, as you might guess.  The cake is lemon and white chocolate, delicious and moist.  I did blow out the candles (all in one blow) and made a wish (which I won’t share or it won’t come true!)  Yes, in many ways I’m still a child where birthday celebrations are concerned!  There’s one more slice in the fridge for me to enjoy tomorrow; I forgot about it until it was about 10 minutes to chemo time, and I didn’t want to restart the 2-hour fast.  Jerry has been a little unsettled, since there were people in his house today, and I wasn’t available for most of the day, so when I sat in my chair, he immediately  jumped on my lap and refused to budge, even after I tried pushing him off.  When I stood up, he of course had to move, but then stuck next to my feet.  Don is glued to a sports game, and is surprisingly wide eyed (instead of his usual “resting his eyes”)  He was also the target of some of Jerry’s extra energy, and they we...

Happy birthday to me!  The tiara and sash are gifts from my little niece, so I was dressed by a 4-year-old!  We called her before heading to dinner, and her eyes got so big and round when she saw that I was wearing the crown she picked out.  A tiny fashionista is what we have there!  Jerry was happy today, mostly, since he spent a large chunk of time on my lap and had a great time being petted.  He was very excited this morning, I don’t know why, but by the time my nurse arrived he’d calmed down and was in a cuddling mood.  Don was also in a good mood, with an extra dose of energy, which always makes me happy.  The smoke was still bad, so going outside wasn’t a priority, then it started to rain around 2pm.  I just said, “Oh, it always rains on my birthday,” so I wasn’t worried… then the thunderstorms rolled in, followed by a tornado warning and a very impressive deluge!  It eased up enough for us to walk over to the restaurant, rained off and...

The smoke from the wildfires has returned, and the city again smells like a wood burning stove.  Add the heat and humidity and you get an idea of how unpleasant it is today.  We’re supposed to get rain for the next few days, so that may help clear the air a bit.  Jerry was telling my support worker that he’s a neglected and abandoned dog who nobody loved… She cuddled him for a while, and then he spread himself over my lap to protest her departure!  Silly boy.  Don has been saying that he’s having trouble breathing, and his eyes and throat are burning from the smoke.  We’ve been running air filters to try to reduce the smoky smell, but it’s really quite strong.  We ordered some Chinese for dinner, and we’re just waiting for that now.  The good thing about getting my taste back is that I’m also getting a bit hungry, so I’m encouraging that! Today is the birthday of one of my cousins; we’ve always referred to these days as “our birthday” and jointly ...

It’s the feast of St. John the Baptist, also Quebec National Fete. When I was working, it was always a holiday leading to 2 holidays in a week, since Canada Day is next Saturday.  This year, there’s a fire ban, so no fireworks are allowed anywhere on the Quebec side this weekend, as the risk of fire is still quite high.  Summer heat has settled in, and I’m struggling with the humidity.  I feel stifled, like I can’t take a full breath.  Annoying, and energy sapping!  Jerry is in one of his playful moods today, and has been hopping from one lap to the other all afternoon.  He was trying to mooch some of my spaghetti and (chicken) meatballs, unsuccessfully, and sat at my feet looking at me reproachfully while I ate.  He’s of the view that dog food is not for him, and will eat it at  me, looking at me mournfully while he chews as loudly as he can.  The heat is also challenging for Don, as he’s flagging and very low in energy.  We’re both dri...

One cute little dog ruling the dog park!  He got taken for a long walk and some sunning, and he was absolutely thrilled to be out bossing all the other dogs he encountered.  He was welcomed back by several dogs and their humans who were happy to see him after a long break.  He came back looking very proud of himself and is now curled up taking a nap and recharging for romping later.  We all agree that he’s a bit spoiled, and he’s clearly sucking up all the petting he gets.  Silly boy.  It’s very humid today, so I feel sluggish and not inclined to eat.  But I know the old warning, “if you don’t eat in the heat, you’ll get sick” (it doesn’t rhyme, but that’s fine; it makes the point.)  I did eat — I ordered some chicken nuggets from Wendy’s, and those were 2 servings.  Don had a chicken sandwich combo, which he said was just ok, but at least we managed to eat something today.  I admit that this heat — more so the humidity — saps my energy ...

It’s a hazy, warm day today, starting to get a little humid.  It feels a little like the smoke is returning as the air is a bit acrid.  Might be just smog, or my imagination, as the news hasn’t mentioned anything about this yet; plus there’s ongoing construction in the area, so that adds to the dust and mess.  Jerry is alternating between being hyperactive and being a cuddler.  He’s been bouncing around, tossing his toy, attacking Don (thankfully not me!) and trying to climb on everything then jumping on my lap to lie back and insist on being petted.  He puts his little leg up to pat my hand back if I stop rubbing him, and he licks my hand when I’m “good”  Silly puppy.  Don ordered some club sandwiches and I ate half of one; it was so good to actually taste  food!  He finished the other half, plus his own, so he’s clearly got a healthy appetite.  His sleep is also much better, which is great, so he’s a little more alert during the day. ...

- It’s officially summer in the northern hemisphere, with today being the longest day of the year.  Apart from the fact that it’s often hotter here than in Trinidad, I absolutely love this time of year; I’m not a winter creature.  The temperature is climbing this weekend, with some rain / thunderstorms in the forecast.  It’s always rained on my birthday for as long as I can remember, so I expect that as a feature.  Jerry had a good day today, and saw my support worker, so he was just thrilled when she arrived.  He got very excited, dancing around her and asking to play.  He leapt off my lap and zoomed across when she came in.  I’m glad that the boys like her.  Don was dozing a lot today, but that’s because he didn’t sleep too well last night.  His ankle is a little less swollen today, which is good, although it’s still painful.  He was “watching” sports this afternoon, but I fell asleep in my chair with no warning.  It’s all good, s...

It was a warm, sunny day today and I have to confess that my fun on the weekend is catching up with me as I’m feeling drained.  I fell asleep while watching a movie this afternoon with Don, who was very amused that I’d watched over an hour of a murder mystery and fell asleep when the murderer was identified and confronted and I still have no idea who it was because it was a live broadcast.  I think I’ll just record everything so I can rewind if things like this happen again!  Jerry seems to think that people are coming over, as he’s been sitting at alert and glaring at the door.  That’s increased by the fact that Don has been going on his computer more often, and that’s usually where the boys go when my nurse/support worker/lay minister/therapists are over to see me.  But no visitors today, and no amount of persuading convinced him.  Don was again feeling more energetic, and had some plans which involved him running errands on his own.  I’m always susp...

Sunset over the Northern Range in Trinidad… photo sent by my sister to make me homesick — she says it’s to help me remember what it looks like in the late evening, which it does, but I also miss the smells of the trees and the feel of the late afternoon breeze.  It’s one of those trigger images, which works both to inspire nostalgia and a little nugget of warmth and happiness.  Today is Labour Day in Trinidad, so we can all celebrate this together.  Jerry has just settled down for a while; he was pumped up during the day because I had home visits, and he doesn’t approve of people coming in to check on me.  He jumped on my lap when I was on the phone, stretched out on his back and used one of his telescopic legs to move my hand to rub his tummy.  He didn’t let me stop, either, until I had to get out of the chair!  Don had a decent night’s sleep last night, and was feeling perky this morning.  He disappeared into his ‘office’ for several hours, and final...

Sunday as a day of rest… I have to say that I like this.  I woke up several times during the night, but I’ve decided to resume my routine so I was awake at a reasonably early time and I plan to go to bed not too late tonight in the hopes that I can get a schedule in place without exhausting myself.  Jerry found a comfy spot last night, lying across my tummy, and he had a decent sleep (I think) until about 5am, when I was ready to throw him out.  He let me go back to sleep until 9.  He’s been in his vigilant state, sitting on me and trembling with anxiety.  I don’t quite know how he knows, but he’s aware of the schedule for my support workers; he jumps on my lap and watches the door when they’re due, even if I haven’t moved or said anything about them!  Don’s feeling like himself, except for a swollen and red ankle which remains painful.  He was hungry, and has been having a good meal.  There was a sports game on today, which occupied a good part o...

Another late, and relatively short, post tonight, as I’m just getting home now.  I had a somewhat unhappy tummy last night, which led to a broken night, so I didn’t fall asleep properly until after 6am and then didn’t wake up until 10:30 and was dozing on myself from about 2pm onwards.  I’d like it if I could fall asleep when I go to bed and wake up refreshed 7-8 hours later, and not “sleep away” on myself in the afternoons.  Alternately, I suppose that I could build in a siesta for a couple of hours after lunch and then be more alert in the evening.  I’m not entirely sure what’s the preferred approach.  Jerry spent most of the day attached to my ankles, or on my lap, not leaving me unattended for more than a few seconds.  I think he thinks that I’ll run off and leave him behind, which is a dreadful offence in his mind!  Don’s ankle — where the gout has settled this time — is badly swollen, and he’s unsteady walking as he can’t properly put weight on h...

A late, and fairly short, update tonight.  I had another interrupted night last night, and finally got 3 hours of sleep around 6am.  Not my idea of fun, you understand!  Jerry was banished so I could fall asleep without being used as a shelter, and that sort of helped until my arm gave a spasm and jolted me awake.  I was unthrilled by that!  Don also didn’t sleep too well last night, but he got several hours of sleep during the day today, then he locked himself into his computer room for a good long while as he sorted out a problem that he caused 😁  I know, it’s a bit mean to point out that he  caused the problem, but 99% of the time it’s something that he’s tried that crashes his system.  I’ve been using Apple devices now for about 7 years, and I’ve largely forgotten how to use the Windows environment; plus I haven’t used a mouse in that period and I’m very inefficient now with one!  I haven’t used a laptop in that time either, and find tha...

Sorry for skipping yesterday; I’ve had a few interrupted nights, and yesterday I just could not  keep my eyes open after 1pm!  Thankfully my 3pm appointment cancelled early, so I went off to sleep, which helped a little, but it did mean that I was knocked out when I would normally have been updating here!  Jerry has now decided that he needs  to sleep touching me, and he tries hard to burrow under me.  He’s been banned (it hurts) so instead he cuddles next to me and pats me on the tummy until he falls asleep; he’ll then startle himself awake, shake off, and climb on my belly to settle back down.  I move him, but he just rebounds… today he was a bit naughty and jumped out of the car in the grocery parking lot, wouldn’t come when called, and danced around just out of reach until he deigned to get back in the car, looking very proud of himself!  Luckily he stayed out of the driveway, and just barked loudly in the cart return area.  He climbed on Don’...

I was again listening to the rain falling this morning around 6am — I didn’t sleep well last night.  No real idea why, just that I couldn’t fall into sleep for any length of time.  I was in that half-awake state for most of the night; I know that I must have slept from time to time, but not deeply or restfully.  I did doze off a few times during the day, while I was trying to read or do other things, but I nodded off.  Jerry, as usual, spent the night on my legs, then was attached to me for most of the day.  The workmen who’d been working on the building were dismantling some of the scaffolding and that unsettled him — we had a few arguments as he was trying to climb onto my shoulder (and therefore hurt my arm) and was scratching at my arm — then he jumped into my lap and settled in to be cuddled and reassured that he was safe from all the banging and clanging in the fire escape.  Don also had difficulty sleeping last night, but is better this afternoon. ...

I woke up this morning to hear rain pouring down.  That’s unusual, since I don’t hear rain this high up.  It’s also been extremely windy (hence the rain hitting my windows) and it’s been a mix of humid and cool, also odd.  Jerry spent several hours on my lap today, until I finally got tired and pushed him off.  Then he moved to Don’s lap until I went to the kitchen, when I gained a small shadow.  I have a few minutes now as they’re both curled up on the sofa and “watching” TV.  Don was complaining that he felt unsteady walking today, plus had some stomach cramps, so he’s resting.   I’m still trying to find something to eat that has some flavour.  I made a scrambled egg, added cheese and my cooking spice blend, and it still tasted like I was chewing paper.  It’s so frustrating!  I can only detect really strong tastes in small quantities, and they make me feel nauseated.  I know it’s temporary, but I don’t know how long “temporary” wi...

I don’t know why, but I was feeling somewhat wiped out yesterday, hence no post.  Similarly today.  Although today is probably because it’s a bit humid, and I have problems breathing easily in humid weather.  Which sucks and blows simultaneously as this is not great for enjoying summer weather!  Thankfully the smoke has cleared up and the skies are again blue (occasional clouds for imminent rain) so that’s an improvement.  Jerry is being super-cuddlesome today, and keeps coming to curl up on my lap, no matter what I’m doing!  He’s been trying to knock my phone out of my hand when I’m using it, or else he stretches up to block my view of the TV, then he brings his toy and throws it at me… he’s doing the same to Don, waiting until his game is on then climbing up to block his view and then throwing his toy to play.  He’s figured out when we’re doing something that doesn’t allow for spending all the time patting him.  Don’s currently the target of pup...

The smoke has cleared, and our air quality index is back to 2 (low risk) so it’s much nicer outside, although things are quite dusty.  My aloe plant looks very sorry for herself, and seems bedraggled.  Today’s flower, though, comes from a friend who has green hands (not just a green thumb) and is part of this spring/summer set of blooms.  I had a quite good night last night, and was allowed to sleep in until 9:30 this morning — well, I was woken up a little earlier by a call from a doctor’s office to update my appointment, but since I went back to sleep that doesn’t really count.  Jerry was in his hyperactive mode again today, and was shaking the life out of one of his plastic bone toys.  I’ll have to take a quick hunt for his various toys and extract the heavy ones which are most likely to cause me harm.  He has been very naughty and hurt my arm again — his new morning trick is to try to crawl under my arm then to stand up, which pushes my arm up suddenly ...