Learning and understanding

 I'm finally back home! Complete with tiny guard dog glued to my lap. Being all protective and guarding. He won't give me any room And I'm working on keeping him from licking me as I’m still a little poisonous if my body fluids are absorbed or consumed by him. He's ignoring any attempt to push him away. So, I'm a dog bed- this is normal LOL Don isn't feeling well. He's walking around like a man in his 80'S... Which is what he is.. So I'll just tease him. I'm easily and quickly tired. Short walks, or things like pouring a glass of water, mean that I need to sit. I'm sitting quietly, waiting for nurse #3 to try to install my IV.  If he fails, apparently, the theory is that igo to the ER, but my weak immune system is not going there!!  I’ll just drink lots of water and wait for my PICC line to be inserted. Patience, virtue, grace and all that! I’m just waiting for my third nurse to try to insert the IV, and then back to bed. Although it’ll proba...

I’m getting a little better now.  I’m still in the hospital as I’m not fully back to myself. The Weekend was very difficult to say the least.  I was horribly confused, and I couldn’t function.  My thinking was badly messed up and I couldn’t rely on my body - my body was attacked by shaking and tremors. I had to get the nurse to help me make calls since I couldn’t reliably use my hands.. I was placed in bed jail, with all the rails raised, and had to have a nurse feed me, get me to and from the bathroom.  I had vivid hallucinations - which would make spectacular movies.  But it was terrifying.  I’m improved, and hope to be home soon.  Got to have a little more stability first.   Many thanks to Don for keeping people updated. I obviously miss my boys and i want to get healthy to go home to them.  The sooner the better.  That’s all.  I’ll update when i can, but it won’t be regular. I still check messages when i can.  It’s all good...

  OK I’ve been at the hospital now For a week And I have some side effects that I did not expect. Yeah I have a lot of shaking and chemofog where I forget what I said and my brain doesn’t fun in general shaking and so on. It’s just a weird state. I can’t function properly I can think OK but my hands shake so badly that I can’t think of anything and I can’t and I’m not coherent so I will update when I can not sure how often that will be and you might have to rely on Don or my sister or somebody to find out what’s going on. Don’s email is Don-weagant@rogers.com and if you make a subject line of inquiring about Sonja he Will  update you I’m using the voice to text all right take care.

Day 2 os treatment is now done.  It went smoothly; I had the same nurse and she took very good care of me.  The hospital was running on generator power again until this afternoon, and is now fully functional.  My neighbour continues to be a noisy nuisance, and I hope that she will soon move.  My doctor recommended a strong sleeping medication for tonight, so we’ll see if that works.  The nurses are severely short-staffed, so that’s an issue for tonight and tomorrow.  Another wait and see titration.  I talked to my boys a few times today.  Jerry is sulking at me, and huffed and turned his back when I was talking to him!  The next time I called, he was sitting on Don’s shoulder looking like a carved guard puppy.   The second dose of the drug went in, and I am having mild nausea.  The food is… sad.  I’ve got photos that I’m not sharing because it’s too depressing, but at least breakfast was filling, and I get a mid morning snack o...

As you can see, I’m installed in the hospital with my IV in place and my chemo drug (ifosfamide, if anyone wants to look it up and scare themselves with the side effects.  If you do, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT.  Thanks for your consideration.) We decided against inserting a PICC line, as I’m in hospital and being monitored by nurses and doctors, so we opted for an IV, to reassess the need for future treatments.  Everything went well, and the first dose is done.  I’m just waiting for the late dose of my MESNA, which is given to help protect my bladder from the chemo drug.  There’s also a sign on my door warning that I’m cytotoxic, and that I have some precautions to take to protect those around me.  They’re more onerous than wearing a mask, but I follow them because I’m not a selfish jerk who only thinks about herself… Nothing further… I spoke with Don a couple of times today, courtesy of WhatsApp, so we could talk. I’m happy for the technology that allow...

I was debating between a flower picture and a picture of Jerry or a selfie of me in my “suite” at the hospital.  The iris won 😊. I’ll save the puppy picture for another day when I need cheering up.  I checked in around 6:30 this evening, as my doctor had said that I’d only be admitted and sleep tonight.  My timing was a tiny bit off as dinner had been served before I arrived and they were collecting plates.  I also arrived just before shift change, so I’m still waiting for my nurse, whose name is, apparently, Christine.  I’ll wait… Due to the thunderstorms on the weekend, the hospital seems to be running on generator power.  Between that, the late evening arrival and the holiday, it’s a little spooky in here.  No complaints, and I’m not even mentioning the “q” word, as my last stay had several shouters and other disturbers of the peace!  I have my earplugs and sleeping mask all ready to go!  Would you believe that I’m already sort of missing...

 Here we have a sleepy puppy who is all stretched out for cuddles and hugs.  If I stop petting him, I’m batted on the hand and made to resume massaging at once .  He jumped on my lap as I was watching Mass this morning and assumed the position for being massaged, petted and otherwise spoilt.  I’m going to miss my little boss while I’m in hospital this week, and for several days later, as I’ll be poisonous after getting my treatment.  I won’t be able to pet him for a while as the chemo drugs “leak” out of my skin and it would make him sick if he licks me (which he will if I am not fast enough to stop him.)  Don is feeling slightly better, although he’s still having difficulty standing and walking.  I’d love it if he were feeling strong again and that he had no pain or problems walking. I hate seeing him in pain. The thunderstorm yesterday led to a lot of damage — trees blown down (winds were over 120 kph) and power lines fallen across streets.  The...

What a thunderstorm this afternoon!  Lightning was almost continuous for about 20 minutes, with constant rumbling overhead.  Jerry spent the storm curled up on the sofa against Don, watching the rain.  I enjoyed looking at the downpour; it just seemed like a waterfall pouring down.  Reports are coming in that there were power outages, downed trees and hail damage.  Thankfully there was no damage downtown, and even my plants are safe. Yesterday we decided to get gas and tomato plants.  Don decided to go as there were news reports that the price of gas was going to drop but then rise again before Sunday, as it’s a long weekend and he wanted to top up.  Sadly, the lines at the station with the cheaper gas were extremely long, so we ended up at another, slightly more pricy one.  Costco was jammed (no surprise there!) and sold out of tomato plants (they said they’d get more, but weren’t sure when) and we stopped at Canadian Tire, where the larger ...

It was a cool and slightly chilly day today, accompanied by ongoing drizzle.  Much to my disappointment and annoyance, I woke up with an absolutely massive  headache today.  As I whined earlier this week, I haven’t had these for a long time, so 2 in a week?  Ugh!  I had to cancel lunch plans with a friend and former colleague, who I haven’t seen since before the pandemic.  My parish priest came this morning to give me the sacrament of the anointing of the sick, for which I was very happy.  After my anointing, I went back to bed and slept for a few hours and my headache was much reduced when my sister-friend dropped off a care package around 2:30 this afternoon.  I’ll eat some of it tomorrow; it’s got some of my favourite Serbian dishes.  Today’s lilacs come all the way from New York, where the photographer went in search of them for me.  Many thanks J & H!  I love these, which just make me think of spring.  I also saw that ...

What a stunningly beautiful and sunny day it was today!  HRH Prince Charles and his wife picked a picture perfect day to wander around Ottawa.  It was a little cool, but not enough to need more than a light sweater or shawl, certainly not enough for a coat!  I was not out, partly because my back was stabbing me and partly because I had bookings.  Jerry is sulking, because there were incursions into his house by my lay minister, and then a long phone call this afternoon.  Don was feeling more active and energetic today, which is good! we watched one of our recorded programs (the PVR is getting full! 😳) so we’ve got to clear off some stuff.  As with anyone else, I’d be fine to erase a number of shows that Don’s recorded, and he’d like to erase a few of mine, but we’ve agreed not to touch each other’s shows and we watch and erase certain shows together.  But the temptation is a real thing, I tell you!  My shows better not disappear next week, is all...

I was out briefly today to meet some friends for coffee — which turned into pizza (gotta love these flexible meals 😆)  While I was doing that, the boys did a grocery run since they will be on their own next week while I’m in hospital.  I’ll be telling my dad tomorrow about that.  I’m not looking forward to it, but it needs to be done, so I’ll face up to it like a big girl and deal with it.  I’ve warned my siblings that I’ll be breaking the news to him, so they are aware and can be in place to support him.  In some ways, dealing with this illness would be easier if I didn’t have people around me who cared about me, as it wouldn’t be so hard breaking bad news.  But in reality, if I had no one to love me, I’d have given up 10 years ago and have missed out on a lot  of wonderful experiences and amazing people in my life.  Knowing that they are there, and that they love me gives me a lot of strength to face these many adventures that the Good Lord has...

This morning, I felt a little wriggling against my knees, and when I looked, Jerry had tucked himself  into the blanket and was ready for a power nap.  😆 I instantly grabbed my phone and took a quick picture before he realized that I had the phone.  He’s amazingly camera shy and camera aware… he won’t let me take photos easily.  I think that I might need to apologize for spending so much time on the tiny dog.  A friend mentioned to me that I talk more about Jerry than Don, so it seems like Don doesn’t matter to me.  There are very few Don photos online because he’s asked that I don’t feature him on my social media and I try to respect that.  He’s even worse than Jerry for disliking photos… if he sees a camera pointed in his direction, his own comes up to block his face or he wears a shady hat or something like that.  I can sometimes sneak one of him eating, but that’s quite rare.  Anyway, I don’t want people thinking that he’s not important ...

I woke up to overcast skies and a hug from the tiny monster.  Isn’t he adorable?  His cuddle was very cute until he started batting me to let me know that he wanted to get up and I was taking far  too long to please get up and attend to his breakfast!  Don is a little disappointed that his teams are not doing as well as he’d like in the playoffs.  One of them is out, and the others are hanging on  by a thread.  I’m getting better at feigning interest in the games, but there you go!  There was a massive  thunderstorm this afternoon, so thank goodness that it’s much cooler than it was for the last few days.  I like the weather like this, as it’s much more comfortable now.   You guys know how I feel about movies made from books, especially books I like.  I was reading a blog post from one of my favourite authors, written before his death in 2007, in which he explained that authors don’t owe their readers anything. They aren’t requ...

It continues to be hot and thankfully not particularly humid, at least while I’m indoors.  The sun feels like I’m being hit by tiny rubber bands when I’m outside.  Jerry hasn’t been taken to the park because neither Don nor I can manage with the heat and as I mentioned yesterday, he’ll develop heat stroke if he’s out too long.  So we’re trying to keep him (and us) cool and hydrated.  A few minutes on the balcony is great, as we can take in a bit of the “city view”and relax. So nice. I feel wonderfully loved today.  My lovely friend and her hubby visited today and brought me some homemade paella.  It’s absolutely delicious,  My only regret is that I can’t have any alcohol, as this would be even better with a glass of white wine.  But that’s a very minor issue, and I thoroughly enjoyed my meal.  Thank you, Miriam and Mike!  It was wonderful to see you, and the paella is just a bonus.   My niece is preparing for her confirmation at the...

I can break into song now, about summertime, easy living, and fishing… it’s one of those things that make me happy.  It’s such a great song, and I love hearing it.  Can’t you just see going along, humming, as the song croons about easy living?  Don is having issues with the heat, as it’s above 30C, and likely to inch up above 35C as we croon along.  The temperature is warming up, and it will be less comfortable as the days pass.  Fortunately, I’m OK at the moment, with a fan pointed at me, as it’s comfortable.  But it’s going to be worse if the humidity jumps.  Jerry wants to go out, but the weather is not his friend, as the heat becomes too much for the little dog.  If we take him out in this weather, he’ll vomit everything up and I’d prefer that he doesn’t do that. Why do we wait until someone dies to say good things about them?  We’ll have tributes to people who can’t see or hear how much we love them.  This is one of the things that ...

This is how I was woken up this morning… with a tiny dog lying on me seeking hugs and tummy rubs.  He’s now sitting on my lap in a “guard” position, while he waits for Don to come back into the room.  He’s protective of me and insists that I sit and rest, so things are somewhat less painful today than yesterday.  Today it’s suddenly summer — it was 30C and sunny, lovely on the balcony for a while.  I very much enjoyed the warmth, although I am sure that there were people who were complaining about it.  Even Don, who suffers from COPD and has difficulty breathing in hot, humid weather, enjoyed today, and had no complaints.  He also sat out on the balcony, reading the papers and occasionally negotiating with Jerry for some peace. How old were you when you admitted to yourself that you were no longer “young”?  Whatever “young” meant?  Did you, as a teenager or so, resolve that you’d always remember what it was like to be young no matter how old you g...

 Yesterday, I was very happy that my back did not go into spasms although I was very tired at the end of the day.  Today, though, all of my movements from yesterday and the day before erupted into being and I now know that they collaborate with each other for maximum pain. No arguments about that!! The muscles are going off like a series of fireworks, although I will grudgingly confess that perhaps  doing laundry was not one of my better ideas.  I think that I will need to hire a non-judgemental cleaner to come in and do the housework, including hanging curtains and all those things.  Recommendations are welcome.  The boys are currently at the park, where I understand that Jerry is complaining about the heat but isn’t ready to come home yet.  No comment on his priorities 😆  I’m taking a moment to wish a happy birthday to one of my oldest friends, who I unfortunately don’t see too often.  I hope that it was a good day! As frustrating as the p...

 I went out to lunch with one of my friends today, so I used the opportunity to dress up a little.  We went to a Chinese place that I’ve seen, but never gone to, in the East end of Ottawa.  We had dim sum, and it seems that several of the items were hand made, not ordered in!  Lovely.  (Unless they’ve found a place that mass produces them so they look  handmade). We also stopped for some Italian pastries… I won’t say any more.  Suffice it to say that I’m pleasantly full, and I have goodies in the fridge.  Unsurprisingly, I had a sulky puppy on my return home.  He’s started a new thing of howling when I leave the apartment.  I went downstairs this morning to pick up the newspaper (yes, I still get physical papers delivered!) and he howled like a melancholy abandoned dog until I came back up 4 minutes later!  He even had a treat before I left, and Don was home!  I don’t know why he’s acting like that.  He spent a good part o...

This is what I was doing today. I spent a little time self-pampering, which is not something that I do very often.  I used to, when I was working, so that I always looked groomed, but since I was pulled off the job, I also stopped, and it dropped far down my list of priorities.  Plus, and slightly worse, when I lost my hair the first time, I really didn’t spend much time on it!  I’ve got 2 weeks before my treatment again removes my hair, so I thought I’d have some fun.  I haven’t coloured my hair in about 11 years, and I decided to play with it a little.  My stylist, Fouad, is great, and he’s been looking after me for 13 or 14 years, so I usually just tell him, “do what you want,” and it’s always lovely.  Today was the first time that we ever had a conflict.  I’d told Don what I was planning, and that I wanted my hair to be red, and he put his elderly foot down and said, “No,” very firmly.  I was stunned, because usually he says,  “do whateve...

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers, caregivers, and everyone who acts in the role of a mother, whether you physically gave birth or not.  Look!  Lilacs!!  (Apparently these are from a year or so ago, but — Lilacs!!  I love lilacs because they smell wonderful and they’re so pretty). I have wondered for years whether I could grow lilacs on my balcony in a planter.  I know that they grow well and their root systems can become tangled and spread widely, but not having a garden, I’d love to grow them on my balcony.  If anyone knows how to do that, please share.  I absolutely love  these flowers as the first sign of spring.  I was woken up again by a small, black dog who seems to have telescopic legs 🤣. He stretched out on me and was perfectly happy being cuddled.  Then when I was watching the Mass, he leapt into my lap and stretched out for more cuddles.  He briefly moved to Don, lying on his lap, and generally was a stuffed pillow… The ...

It was a beautiful sunny day, with little white clouds that made the sky look extra blue.  I didn’t go out, as I need to recover from yesterday’s outing.  I’d like to be able to decide to head out as and when I want to, but we’re not quite there yet.  Here’s my wake up view today… he’s happily tucked in behind my knees and is yawning.  My handsome little guy 😊.   Don is curled up on the couch watching baseball with a little black ball that’s licking his toes.  I got the yawn, he gets licks. So are there any people who object to a quick detour into wishing tree land ?  If you do, I recommend <here>   Which may or may not keep you amused!  There’s a children’s book series about a wishing tree, written by Enid Blyton, who was a highly prolific author of over 300 books for children in the first half of the 20th century.  This series is aimed at younger children, so it’s not at all scary, but there are a few books, and I remember wanti...

Look!  A tiny dog outside enjoying a walk and sunshine!  Yes, he’s skinny without his winter coat, but he’s well-fed, spoilt, and very high energy.  He had a lovely time, marking territory, barking at people and kicking dirt all over.  We walked around the block, in the absolutely beautiful sunshine. I didn’t even need a sweater!  (I wore one anyway)  Annoyingly, I reached my limit of walking after 1 block and had to return home to assume the relaxed position because my body let me know in no uncertain terms that I needed rest and it was going to keep me chained to my seat.  I have a lovely, thick book to keep me company, so it’s not as bad as it could have been.  It’s odd that I ran out of energy that quickly, as I’ve walked much further going through places like Costco and the shopping mall.  Perhaps the difference is that today I went out without my walking aid (cane) and in those places I sit a few times to boost my energy?  I don’t ...

I woke up this morning as a puppy pillow.  The comments from my siblings and a couple of close friends were “How is that different from any other day?” and “So what else is new?” I had to concede that they had something of a point, as it’s well-known that Jerry considers me to be part of the furniture.  This was emphasized today when I was sitting in my chair, typing an email to the bank, and Don went to the bathroom.  Jerry immediately  left his position on the sofa, where he had been curled against Don and batted my iPad off my lap and jumped up for cuddles.  He goes from one to the other seamlessly so he’s almost always in contact with one of us.  I was on the phone with a friend, and half of my conversation was me saying “Jerry, I’m on the phone.  Stop scratching me!”  My pharmacy delivery occasioned some sulks, as he was restrained while the guy brought in my mountain o’Ensure cases and stacked them inside for me.  My appetite is better,...

🎼 Oh, what a beautiful day! 🎶 I’ve got a beautiful feeling… well, not really.  But I did mange to get a solid 12+ hours’ sleep, which is truly a beautiful feeling!  I didn’t wake up until almost 11:30 this morning (there’s another song, about a “lovely 11 morning” which I could  sing for you, if your musical appreciation is sufficiently poor that you don’t mind hearing me mangle even a fairly simple song.)  That being said, though, my day was slow — for the first time my body is literally obeying my doctor’s instructions to get some rest, as I couldn’t have even rolled off the bed if my life depended on it before 11:15 today.  Even at 11:30 I needed extra support to get up.   I had ordered some items today from Amazon, and the delivery person called to say that they were at my front door, could I please let them in? I said yes, waited a few minuted but he never came up.  I went downstairs to find that he’d never tried to drop the parcel at my front d...

I found these lovely purple and white flowers that look very cheerful, so I thought I’d use them today instead of a picture of the Jerry dog, who is right now curled up behind Don’s leg pretending to sleep.  He is not actually sleeping, because if I stop typing and move my tablet even an inch, his head will pop up like a meerkat on the savannah and then I won’t be able to type anything for ages.  The boys were out today, in search of a take-out meal.  My substitute personal care worker came late, and Jerry took advantage of this by napping on my lap for over an hour until he arrived.  (By the time he arrived, I was about ready to start snapping at everyone because I was hungry and I expected him at 1, not almost 2:30!)  Anyway, all good. Don did one of his extra good deeds for the day  and went out to get Chinese food from his favourite restaurant, which is at the other end of the city and in the direction of traffic, too.  No complaints from me, as I’...