Chilly weather

It was a sunny but chilly day today.  The sun looked lovely, but dreadfully misleading, as it provided precisely no warmth as the wind tried to slice bits off you.  I was outdoors on the balcony for a few moments only, and was happy to return to my OfDon cloak and warm up!  Jerry is burrowed into a blanket, so I can’t tell which end is which for him, and he’ll extricate himself at bedtime or if I start nibbling something. Don is quietly sipping on his tea — no taste issues there! — and watching sports.  It’s that time of year where sports occupy most of his attention. I’d forgotten two things: after radiation treatment, I lose my sense of taste for a while, which makes food taste like cardboard; most irritating.  And I’m also finding that even my tea has no flavour.  I can smell the Earl Grey, but all I taste is heat.  Food — even my luscious curry — is just a mishmash of textures, no real flavour.  I’m glad that I ate the first lot before my body realized that side effects were a factor! 

The lack of taste is even more annoying as I browse through recipes.  I am left only imagining the flavours of the dishes that I’m pretending to plan to cook!  At least in my imagination I am not feeling full after a couple of small bites, and the food is delicious!  I had a moment today to realize that it’s almost a year since my spinal surgery.  My palliative care doctor had mentioned that I’ve had a rough year, and I’m allowing myself a moment to agree with him.  There are some things that haven’t returned to how they were before the surgery; but thankfully most things are “normal.”  For instance, there were some areas of pain that we’ve treated in the last year that have stopped.  I hadn’t fully realized that, until my doctor asked about one and it occurred to me that I hadn’t felt that pain in months!!  Amen Alleluia to that!  The other pain, which is my almost constant companion now, is different, and I hope it will improve too.  It sometimes feels like it did when I had a fracture in my back, but since no fracture has shown up on my scans, it must be better!  

I’m partially accepting that I have to adapt to “normal” which is not what it was a year ago.  They keep talking about a “new normal” which I always find frustrating, but it’s real.  What was normal isn’t anymore.  It was normal to go for a walk that could last for over an hour.  Or to be able to prepare a several-course meal.  Or to walk to the grocery and wander around mask less.  But none of those are options any longer (well, except not wearing a mask, which I’m still not planning to do just yet because people can be extremely selfish and spread the plague because they won’t cover their mouths when they cough!) Last year was admittedly rough.  This year is adding a few stresses also.  But I’ll continue to pray and to have faith that things will stabilize and not pressure myself too much to have “normal”, and learn to roll with the waves.  Trying!  That’s all for tonight, mes amis.  Good night!