Ne quid nimis

It was a lovely spring day today, with some sun, some few clouds and nice weather.  Unfortunately for me, it was also a day with some horrific pain in my back.  I don’t know the cause, but the pills are sluggish to respond!  Jerry spent as much of the day on my lap as he could, only leaving when Don was on the sofa to throw his ball; otherwise he would sit or lie on my lap and try climbing on me.  I discourage that, as it’s painful to me to have him climbing on my abdomen.  Don had a decent nap, and a good meal, and is now “busy” with hockey… Jerry is keeping an eye open on each of us to see which is more likely to have a lap for snuggles.

As part of the Easter journey, today is the day when Jesus remains sealed in the tomb.  Yesterday, Good Friday, ended with the dead, crucified Christ taken down from the cross and placed in the tomb, not fully prepared for burial.  Today, the apostles are hiding for fear of the population who were whipped into a frenzy and into anger and disappointment that Jesus didn’t seem to be the Messiah they expected.  It’s a day of failed hope and dashed expectations.

Some years ago, I remember talking to my friend and saying that I often felt that I had messianic expectations heaped on me, and that the problem with a messiah is that they often wound up dead and abused.  He’s always been clear headed, and pointed out to me that sometimes the only person who had those expectations was the one who complained about them (i.e. me!)   He helped me work through a number of things, including taking myself less seriously, while doing my best, and helping me to reduce the demands I made of myself as I tried to do my best.  He pointed out that I gave off the impression that I was a rock, needing no support, and asking for none, so it was unsurprising that people didn’t come to me and ask if I was ok, and whether I needed help.  That was an absolutely massive eye-opener for me.  In my mind, I did ask for help, but on a clearer examination, I realized that I rarely did.  It’s still not easy, but I’m doing a little better at saying, “I need help, I can’t do this alone.”  In full disclosure, I find it challenging to show chinks in my armour to people, for fear that they will turn their backs on me.  Like many others, I’ve also had to adjust to giving people time.  Sometimes I (like lots of others) will come to a realization, and then feel angry or frustrated because people aren’t in the same place as I am, and I sometimes want to throw them aside because they aren’t ready for the position that I’ve reached.  It becomes really easy then to dismiss them as stupid, closed-minded, intolerant (or too permissive, depending) instead of acknowledging that they are on a journey and we’re not at the same place.  We may get there, or one of us might arrive first, but then there is an obligation to be patient — wouldn’t you agree?  But it’s easier to condemn and lash out — and circulate some awful memes calling others names because we don’t share the same point of view.  

The other thing that we tend to do is to loiter in the past.  When we’re asked to change ourselves we often go haring back to “Well, they said/did this hurtful thing.”  Did they say/do it now?  No, but they must mean it or they wouldn’t have said it.  And we cut them off.  As an Easter activity (I could also say “prayer”) I’d ask that if we’re tempted to remain angry or bitter at someone because they once said something hurtful that we react instead in love and forgive them.  It’s something that I’ve been trying to accomplish for myself.  My friend who guided me into learning that I was not the rock who held up the world also demonstrated to me that it’s possible to open up and forgive others for horrible things.  They don’t need to change, but I do need to forgive them.  Some are easier than others, let’s be honest.  So I’m going to work on releasing resentment to the people who want to hold on to anger and bitterness to others who are also important to me.  I can’t make them choose, so I’ll forgive them over and over until I no longer need to forgive them.  Good night, and a happy Easter to you all for those who celebrate.  Happy Passover, Ramadan Kareem, Happy Hanuman Jayanti or whatever you celebrate at this time of year.  May you be surrounded by love, family and all good blessing.