Hello again

I had a few dreadful, pain filled days, hence no blog for the last 2.  Yesterday, Jerry was due for his grooming, so here he is, the half of a dog returned to me after being shaved, caught in full yawn (or barking 😂) while guarding me when they got back home.  He’s been snuggled (as usual) on either Don or me and I think that he feels a bit chilly as he’s been so closely trimmed, going from his thick winter coat, and it’s still a bit cool (it’s early spring, so not yet warm, despite the whining of people who should know better.). I had intended to go with Don to drop off Jerry, but he said that I looked unwell and suggested that I stay home and get some rest.

Pain is such a deep, unrelenting thing.  It can be managed — as I’ve learnt from my many excellent doctors — but it persists and forces you to pay attention to your body in ways that you otherwise might not.  There is no way to avoid it completely, as much as you’d like to.  There are two ways to deal with pain, though, that I’ve realized.  One is to be miserable, crabby and cranky and let everyone around know that you’re in pain and the other is to accept the pain, and suffer it.  In one of my daily meditations a while ago, it mentioned that the word “suffer” meant “to allow” — that if we yield in suffering, we enter into it and then are able to get through with less misery.  I’m also reminded to Susan Coolidge’s poem “In School” from her 1872 book What Katy Did.  Pain is not easy, enjoyable or fun.  But just because I’m dealing with this unpleasantness is no reason to punish those around me.  I’ve realized that when my pain increases, my mood swings towards anger more easily, and I have to make an effort to pause before answering.  It’s sometimes easier to avoid talking to people than to risk snapping something unkind because I hurt.  There are people that I cannot avoid, and I need to be extra careful not to lash out.  I’d like to eliminate the pain, honestly.  But since I can’t, then I try to cope and to live up to my own expectations.  Not always easy.  

On a light note, I was watching something recently where someone said, “Let me play devil’s advocate for a moment.”  I really don’t think that the devil really needs an advocate.  I know what the role is, why it was created, how it works, and that it no longer is in use, but in daily life, I really doubt that anyone needs to advocate for evil, especially since it’s usually adopted by someone better called an agent provocateur as they have no real interest in advancing a cause, just annoying people.  (I have one in my house, and it’s not the cute, furry little one! 😝). I’ll leave that for your consideration, and wish you a good night.