Encouraging

These crack-of-dawn doctor’s appointments are hard on the system!  I could, I know, request a later time, but apart from the trauma of getting up early and into the hospital while the staff are still signing in and wiping sleep from their eyes (I exaggerate.  They’re all awake and cheerful) it means that the rest of the day is mine, and I can do other things and be “productive” for about 20 minutes before my back spasms and sends me for a time out!  A middle of the day appointment often means delays in getting in, snarled traffic, various other inconveniences and a broken day, so I’d rather get it done and then have my time to myself.  Although my next scan is set for about 7pm in a couple of weeks, so I’ll have to prepare myself for that.  (Thankfully it’s not one where I have to fast in advance, so that’s a relief!). We’ve been able to reduce some of my medication, and that’s a happy thing, as I’m really not enthusiastic about swallowing a double handful of pills several times a day.  I also learned that the jerking of my hands that happened recently can be attributed to a “metabolic imbalance” and can be made worse by heat (as I can be dehydrated) and is a known side-effect of one of my pills (which we were able to reduce). Fingers crossed that this is a successful approach, and I won’t have to worry about that.  Don’s sciatica is back, and he was walking like a very old man (which I tell him regularly that he is!) but he’s better now, and seemingly not in too much pain — although that could be the baseball game that’s distracting him.  Jerry has managed somehow to telescope his body and is stretched over 2 cushions on the sofa (that’s amazing, considering that he’s a small dog!!) and has his head on Don’s lap, and is very unwelcoming towards the idea of me joining them!  As though he heard his name being written, he’s just jumped up and is surveying me while guarding Don… I love my boys, can you tell?

When we were kids, my youngest sister and I watched Fantasia — that lovely Disney cartoon that’s a collection of different pieces of classical music.  The idea behind this (1940) work is that you can see images in your mind when you listen to music.  For years we did that with any instrumental piece, listening to it and describing our feelings and what we “saw.”  I always enjoyed that.  I’ve done it several times since by myself and I find it to be relaxing.  I tried it again recently in an attempt to cope with the challenges I was dealing with, and I realized that I’ll need to add it to my regular “tool set” for dealing with crap.  First, it lets me release stress as I let the music float around me, then I just let my imagination go into the tune and I’m often transported to sitting by the sea watching the waves, or to a field with tangles of flowers, or to looking into a reef full of brightly coloured fish… or into a world where there are dragons flying overhead… you get the idea!  The other game that I’ve often played is one with my dad, where he will quote a line from a poem and I have to give the next line.  He always wins, because he’ll come up with a really obscure quote and I have to dive into Google to be able to respond!  We also do this with Shakespeare and with some other books or authors, but the poems are our “go to.”

It occurred to me that these are all part of my coping strategies which I don’t always use but which are helpful to me.  During one stay at the hospital, I challenged myself to think of a song or a poem for each letter of the alphabet… then I would work out math problems in my mind (Uncle P, I thought you’d like to hear that, even though I struggle to remember several theorems!) and other such mental exercises.  When I forget, I will start over… I mean, I had some problems remembering how to convert temperatures to Celsius, but I really only worry when I can’t subtract 32 from 65… Or when I can’t calculate 13% without using a calculator.  After I’ve worked a few of these, I’m a bit more centred.  These techniques are particularly useful when I can’t get hold of someone to talk me out of a panic spiral (like at 2am!!) or I need to mentally distract myself from something.  

I don’t know if anyone needs a distraction from a problem, but as I said, these work for me most times.  It doesn’t need to be math or science (I’ve been trying to remember Chemistry formulae and other theorems; not physics, because it was never my favourite subject!); it could be nursery rhymes, or songs or anything, really, that relied on rote learning or memorization, since recalling it is the key — you need to be able to just remember and that will jumpstart the creative process, and that will shift your focus from the unpleasant thing to something else.  I’ll ask you to remind me of this next time I start spinning out!  For now, though, I need to catch up on my sleep, so good night!!