Aging

Seems like autumn is sneaking in a little early.  I actually had to wear layers today!! while walking the little monster.  Last night, it took a while for me to feel warm, never mind the warm hoodie snuggle blanket.  I’m amused by you guys; I’ve been referring to it as my “OfDon” look, but I see that I’m also being compared to a Jedi, a Sith Lord (lady?) and a monk.  I’ll take any or all of them, and perhaps add my Star Trek twist and become a Vulcan Kohlinar candidate 😉  I’m spent today; I slept (without needing any meds 🎉) but had to drag myself out of bed this morning.  This afternoon I passed out on my chair (Don said that he was thankful that I hadn’t gone out driving because that could be very dangerous.  I’ve promised to keep my driving for the morning and after I’ve eaten just to maximize my safety.)  He’s doing well, which makes me happy.  Jerry is a little annoyed with me tonight. I cut our walks shorter today because my energy was low and my leg and back haven’t stopped throbbing, but he was full of beans and wanted to run and play longer.  We compromised, and he got a longer period on the grass, but a shorter walk altogether.  He’s not really happy with that; he’d prefer the longer loop.  I hope that we’ll be able to resume that before the snow.  Meanwhile, here’s a lovely shot from the Experimental Farm, sent to my by one of my lovely readers!

I regret to inform you that I seem to have begun the transition into “cranky curmudgeon.”  It seems to be creeping up on me, and I was horrified to realize that it’s happening to me.  The signs that I’ve noticed include: a low tolerance for entitled people; asking (sometimes actually out loud instead of just in my head) whether that person owns a mirror because the way they dress is strong evidence that they don’t!; wondering what the kids learn in school these days, and refusing to believe that the 1980s are 40 years ago.  (They’re not.  They’re like 20 years ago!)  And, it’s pathetic, because the next steps will include things like random people (this is a risk in Trinidad, or the Caribbean as a whole) calling me “Auntie” or “Tantie” (from the French “tante”) or worse, “Moms.”  The final stage is when they refer to me as “Granny” — there’s no recovery from that!!  

As a young adult, you almost look forward to hearing someone address you as “Auntie” because you’re joining the ranks of the adults.  For us, every adult is automatically addressed as “Auntie” or “Uncle” when they’re not Mrs. or Mr. whoever.  So when you’re in your late teens, teaching a class at church and you’re called “Auntie Sonja” it’s really exciting!  (If you’re teaching a formal class, you’re “Miss”)  Then when it’s other adults calling you “Auntie,” when there are no kids around, it’s much less enjoyable and a sign that you’re seen as an elder.  Then you get to a point where you realize that “middle age” is hovering just around the corner, and suddenly you’re “of a certain age” and that, for a woman, normally means that she becomes invisible.  She’s no longer young and nubile, she may not yet be ancient, but she’s now just part of the background.  She’s potentially ignored and has to make even more of an effort than usual to be seen.

Ironically, this is also a promising time, because she’s generally in a more settled place, past the uncertainty of the teen years, usually in a happy balance about career, relationships and family and has a group of friends that form her cheer squad/support group / analysts, etc.  My group is terrific hands down. You’re a wonderful resource of strength that I admit I lean into and draw from, some more than others.  With my friends we’re all real — we see each other, and we are privileged to be able to lower the masks we wear daily and show our real selves.  Even if we put them back in place, we know that with each other we don’t need them.  My friends know many of my secrets; the things that I fear, the hopes and dreams that I have and we’ve supported each other in getting through situations that are painful and difficult.  I’ll just reiterate that having a cadre of friends is definitely a bonus in difficult times.

I’m finding that I’m less inclined to put up with people who are very self-centred.  I used to go out of my way to help those I considered to be my friends, but over the years I’ve learnt (not always easily) that just because I consider someone a friend doesn’t mean that they return the sentiment, or their idea of friendship isn’t mine.  For example, assuming that if I do something for you means that you’re free to offer my help to others without consulting me.  I also find that thoughtlessness is highly unattractive, and I have less patience than I did for dealing with very self-centred people.  I’m trying to maintain a balance so that I don’t overreact and punish people for the sins of others.  

Speaking of balance, apparently the time has come to pay attention to small, black dogs who rule with an iron paw sheathed in soft black fur.  Good night!