Evening

I’m having an off day today.  I don’t know why, precisely, but I feel a little depressed and borderline irritable.  Physically, I feel chilled and can’t get warm, despite the hot shower,  sweater, socks, hot tea and blanket wrapped around my legs.  I hope that I’m not getting anything; I’ve been avoiding people at the same rate, so I haven’t interacted with anyone new, except a substitute support worker who filled in for my regular, but we were masked and separated.  All of my sick friends have only communicated by phone or text/email, so I haven’t seen them.  It’s possible that I’m cold from taking Jerry out — it was 5C this morning when we were out, and it was windy and chilly the last few days.  I’m usually warm and comfortable in bed, but then I have the extra heat of a small dog who thinks that my tummy is a satisfactory pillow substitute!  Luckily, Don is feeling fine, but I’ll avoid hugging him just to be sure.  No fever, the only pain is the usual in my back (even that isn’t too bad), no cough, runny nose, difficulty breathing or any other sign of respiratory infection, so I’ll assume that I’m not sick, just adjusting to cooler temperatures.

I had a lovely chat yesterday with a friend who I haven’t seen in two years… it’s distressing, just how many people that is!  Since the start of this plague, I’ve been limiting my interactions to avoid the risk of getting sick, and that’s worked pretty well so far as I haven’t even had a cold in this period.  In fact, the only places that I’ve “frequented” are the supermarket (on midweek, not too busy times) and the hospital for my assorted appointments.  There are very few friends that I’ve seen in person, and I’m longing to spend time with my family.  Anyway, I think it’s fair to say that any friend that I am able to catch up with is someone who I haven’t seen in 2 years or seen only rarely.  But talking to my friend last night was just marvellous, as she’s such a bubbly, fun and kind person, and we had a great time reconnecting.  I absolutely love it when I meet up with friends and we are able to chat like it’s just been a day since we last met, and time runs away from us.  It’s preferable to straining to make conversation or dealing with awkward silences.  (I have to admit, though, that I don’t often have silences as I can frequently chatter without needing much input.  I hope that I don’t monopolize the conversation.)

I’m not a lover of cold weather, and as I get older, I love it less.  Ironic, isn’t it, when you consider that I opted to move here from the tropics.  I do like Fall, though, with warm (relatively) days, cool nights, the changing leaves and the harvest bounty — pumpkins/squash, apples, grapes, etc — and all the yummy pies, jams, pickles and filling meals.  I’m planning to do some freezer-filling meals over the next little while, so I have an assortment of things to enjoy as the weather gets colder, and my hunkering down season gets underway. I have a list of projects to undertake, so hopefully we’ll see how many actually get done as opposed to just growing the list!  I know that late Fall and parts of winter are challenging for me, as I can feel depressed, and I go through some PTSS — this year, though, I celebrate 10 years since my initial diagnosis.  Some party planning has to be done.

I’ll use my project and party plans to get my mind out of this hole that it’s decided to crawl into tonight.  I honestly don’t know what’s triggered my feeling down, so I’ll work on trying to understand why and find occupations to keep me from moping.  Now, I’m being attacked by a little dog who is complaining that he didn’t get any ribs from our dinner, and that he’s being neglected (don’t believe him; he’s a very pampered little guy!)  I think that I’ll maybe try getting to bed early and see if a good night’s sleep will help.  Dream well, my friends.