Mom

We had a “snow bomb” last night, although it was a small one.  That’s when there’s a dump of snow in a short period.They were expecting a lot more than we got, and were waiting for hours for it to arrive.  When it did, the snow didn’t last more than an hour, and the world was white again.  It’s one of those moments where it seems that the news gets hyped up and then reality is much more banal (thankfully) than expected.  I’m glad we’re not in the East Coast, where they got 40cm+ of snow in a night, so everything was closed off for a while.  I’m also glad that my appointments were done for the week, so I didn’t need to leave the house.  Jerry is right now shredding the lid of a takeout container, because.  I’ve taken it from him, but didn’t immediately throw it out (I’m tied to my IV tube now) and he snuck it away from me when I was distracted.  He’s sitting out of reach, so I can’t take it from him… Don is back to bingeing true crime documentaries; I think there’s some sports later, but definitely tomorrow.  He’s been in a lot of pain today, and I feel bad watching him try to move around to get things like a coffee.  At least I know that he’s on the wait list for several doctors, so that’s encouraging to me!

As I mentioned, I’m hooked up for my post-chemo hydration, and I’ve got maybe an hour left before I can disconnect.  I crashed last night, and had several bouts of chilly spells, where I felt really cold, even with the heater and blanket and so on.  I checked my temperature, just to be sure that I wasn’t running a fever (I wasn’t) and I managed to fall asleep for several hours.  I had to be up early this morning again as my lay minister was due after the 8am Mass, and then my nurse at 11.  I was anticipating a return to bed for an afternoon nap!  I did manage to get in an hour this afternoon, and I felt more energized.  The only negative thing today was that I really didn’t want to eat.  I made myself a scrambled egg (1 egg) and couldn’t finish it.  Then I had some salmon and noodles, and also couldn’t finish them… I’ll just chalk it up to feeling a bit drained after yesterday (not unusual) and not worry unless it continues for a few more days.

Today would have been my mother’s 82nd birthday.  My siblings and I still light candles in her memory even 9 years after her passing.  That photo of us was the year before she died when we were on holiday in Tobago for a few days.  We used to tease her and call her our “tiny mummy” and say that she was so short that her legs weren’t long enough to reach the floor… I miss her quite a lot; we used to talk every day until the morning of the operation before her death.  There were several jokes that we had, including when I told her that I would hear her voice when I was shopping, asking “do you really need that?”  She used to say that it was a relief to know that she had an impact on me LOL  I’d love to hear her again, and to be able to ask her advice… although I confess that I’m relieved that she doesn’t have to watch me go through all of my treatments for all these years.  It was hard enough in the beginning, and I always tried to protect her (and the others) from the details of what was happening.  I also heard last night of the death of my dear friend Fr. Leo, then heard that it was premature.  Fr. Leo is actively dying, but is still holding on, which just means that sometime in the next day or so I’ll get the news that he’s crossed over.  He was my friend, my mentor, my spiritual advisor and my confessor; I know that he’s been “wandering” for a while — he stopped remembering me about a year ago, which was the first death, and it’s just gone downhill from there.  I’m thankful that he had the care he did, and he was well looked after in the residence where he was placed, and at this point, I will just draw on my many memories of his wisdom and our talks over the years.  

I’m going to make myself a cup of something hot, and try to eat something before I head in to sleep.  My nurse will be here at 10 to hook up the IV, so that limits my movements for a while.  The tiny dictator has abandoned his lid and has moved to lie on my feet, so he’ll be quiet for a while.  Good night.