Sunday

It snowed overnight, and this morning everything was all pretty, covered in a white blanket.  It’s snowed off and on the rest of the day, and I saw reports of multi-car pileups due to whiteout conditions on the major highways about an hour away.  More snow is expected tonight.  It’s also very cold, which makes the outdoor enthusiasts happy because there might be better ice, whereas I am pretending to be a wrapped roti with multilayer insulation!  The tiny dictator is in his playful mood, and is trying to steal anything that he can and run away with it.  I’ve so far removed the peel of a mandarin that I put on a plate for a moment, a cupcake liner, and Don lost a slice of toast, because we aren’t quick enough when the little face suddenly pops up.  I put stuff on the coffee table while I disentangle my IV pole… and swoosh… gone.  Don is watching another true crime documentary, which is his “no sports on today” hobby.  I’m horrified at how many dreadful things people do to each other that are revealed in these shows!

I received a lovely pendant today from a friend in New Zealand.  It’s greenstone, and I love it.  I know, it looks like onyx in the photo, but it’s a deep green colour.  I slept OK last night, and didn’t doze off on myself today.  I still don’t really feel like eating, although I’m trying to force myself to consume calories.  I ordered some (delicious, moist) cupcakes this afternoon and had one, so that’s a few hundred calories eaten!  I will definitely have to work on eating so I don’t lost more weight when I go in on Thursday!  It’s more discouraging to see the loss than you can imagine; there was a time when I was younger that I’d have been thrilled beyond words to have lost 3lbs in a week!

We’re watching a documentary that’s covering the US civil rights movement, and the unrest and many murders of black children and leaders.  Every time I see some of those clips, I feel rage boiling beneath my skin.  The quotes from George Wallace and the Klan leaders — who were held up as upstanding citizens — flares a deep rage in me that hatred like that was allowed, encouraged and fostered by people who otherwise were portrayed as kind, caring and welcoming.  It leads me to wonder if part of the reason for the hatred was a fear that if conditions were reversed, that the whites would be subjected to the same conditions they imposed on the black citizens.  That’s definitely something to fear, isn’t it?  Being ripped from your family, home and country, transported thousands of miles to a strange place where you didn’t speak the language, clapped in chains, sold into slavery and (for women) raped repeatedly, forced to bear the children of your rapist with no hope of escape.  Or having to use designated doors, water fountains, restaurants, but still being beaten randomly, denied a reasonable education, and so on.  Perhaps somewhere deep inside, that fear ate away at them, so they worked harder to suppress the risk.  I’m disgusted to see that the spirit of segregation still lives on, and that there are still people actively working to institute it.  They use language like “common sense conservatives” or “old stock” to separate us and them… and I know that I fall into the “them” category for the people who think like that.  I’m an abomination; miscegenation for multiple generations has led to me, and my “pure” blood (tainted) still shows up in my DNA profile (I was stunned to learn that I’ve got a good 25% Nordic/Scandanavian/Russian DNA!  Added to the 40% Asian/South Asian and 25% West/SubSaharan/North African, with about 5% Caribbean indigenous.)  I honestly don’t understand how the racist mind works, or the idea that your skin colour makes you superior to others.  I do though, understand how hatred can start and spread… and I’ll have to work hard to not hate people who allow that kind of philosophy to perpetuate, but instead try to counter it.  We’re all human, with different skin tones, different skill sets, but each worthy of kindness, love and respect.  (Don’t make me create a list!!)

It’s almost disconnect my IV time, so I’ll have to disturb Don… and I’ll need to find something to eat.  I don’t want to, but I haven’t eaten very much today and I will need to deal with that.  The pup is on my feet, after having stolen my water bottle and dragged it halfway across the room… Good night!