Regular

A message from Jerry to start off today… He’s actually been quite good and quiet today, but that’s got a lot to do with not having people in his space!  He’s being spoiled by Don after his afternoon snuggle and tummy rub from me (2 hours while I watched something on TV!) then he went to complain that he’s a neglected puppy… Don is OK today and is lining up his game watching schedule for later… We may be able to watch some of our PVR shows, but I know that he’s champing at the bit to get at his games.  I’ll enjoy this while I can; there’ll be days of just games as playoffs start to wind up and other sports get going later in the spring!

I slept last night!  An uninterrupted, deep 9 hours!! When I woke up this morning, I was stunned to see how late it was.  I’d love to figure out why my sleep schedule does what it does so I can have a more consistent experience, but I suppose if I didn’t have the sleepless nights I wouldn’t fully appreciate the nights when I do get to sleep well.  I’m also happy to report that I have an actual appetite today, which probably goes with having a decent sleep.  My sister had brought me some mangoes, sent by my dear friend for me, and I indulged today.  There’s this struggle, where I want to dive in and fully enjoy every drop of mango, but I also want to prolong the enjoyment and delay as long as I can… I did freeze some of the other food items that came (thanks, Lar!!!) so I will savour them later, and be happy in the knowledge that I have those treats waiting for me.

I received this meditation today from a friend in Ireland.  It’s one of those things that spoke to me and I wanted to share with you all:

Because your life arises now and flows into the past (and not the other way around) each moment is a new beginning.  The best is available to you now; it is not behind you.  The present moment is not the product of the past.  It is a fresh start.

It switches my perspective on life, because if we shape our lives based on the idea of starting at the present, then many of the things we hold on to from the past become ephemeral and much less important.  That’s not to diminish the effect of the past on our current lives, but rather to free ourselves from the chains we place on ourselves to hold on to guilt and shame.  It’s easy to wallow in self pity and fill our thoughts with “what if” and “if only.”  Instead, how much more freeing and strengthening it is to say that we’ve grown, changed and are trying new things.

I’ll keep trying new stuff, and expanding my interests.  Although for the next few days I have to put my head down and work on the current batch of grant applications.  I confess that I’m having difficulty with this lot; they’re focussed on an area in which I’m a neophyte, and it’s hard to feel enthusiastic about the topic.  I think that I have an unconscious bias against the topic, and I’ll need to work a little harder to ensure that I’m being fair.  I’ll be careful to consider the topics and proposals on their own merit, and not dismiss them because I feel like rolling my eyes at some of the material.

I’m off to find something for dinner — it’s really just to reheat a meal in the fridge, so not at all challenging — and then compose an email to the care agency to complain about their lack of service.  Good night.