Learning and understanding

It’s been another lovely, not too hot day, with some cloud cover and cool breezes.  Annoyingly, my back decided to go into some spasms so I couldn’t do everything I wanted. I did  manage to cook a little, so I’ve got a bit extra for meals for the next couple of days.  The boys are all good, and Jerry is surprisingly cuddly.  He literally spends every possible minute touching one or the other of us.  He still hasn’t learned that mooching, while he looks cute, won’t gain him anything.  He’s persistent, if nothing else! I’m learning again how it’s important not to make decisions based on other people’s opinions.  It’s so amazing that we keep coming back to lessons in different ways over time.  Remember, when we were kids, we were always told to “try [the food] before you decide that you don’t like it.”  We’d then be introduced to all sorts of foods — some became instant favourites, some we disliked, others we tolerated.  And over the years,...

Another lovely, cooler day, with a little bit of rain thrown in.  My appetite (which had taken a little holiday since Saturday) is creeping back, and I was able to eat a little today.  I don’t understand why it ebbs and flows like that, but at least I have Ensure to drink on the days when solid food turns me off.  I still don’t like it, but it keeps me nourished, so no complaints.  The boys are both well, with the little one in a cuddly mood — he doesn’t want to be alone, so he’s always on a lap or else butting for attention to be petted.  I’d like him to show a wee  bit more independence, but at the same time, I’d probably be sad if he refused to snuggle… conflicted thoughts! I had a conversation with my social worker this afternoon, to follow up on the increased hours for my support worker which still hasn’t been completed.  When I was discharged at the end of May, it was agreed that I’d need extra hours from my support worker, but I hadn’t heard any...

I’m still recovering from my very fun Sunday.  It’s a little discouraging (if I let myself dwell on it) that it takes me so long to recover from an activity that I enjoy.  Thankfully, it’s been cooler and fairly comfortable, so I’m not suffering, so yay.  Jerry has had several bursts of energy where he wants to play.  He’s a high-energy dog, and when he gets those jags… I think that he could probably power a small village for a week or two!  Don is well, and he and Jerry have been play wrestling… I think that he’s got a boost himself from the chocolate birthday cakes and birthday brownies!  Between the two of them, it’s like having some very energetic kids in the house! I reread some of my past birthday posts, and I found a recurrent theme among them (I’ve found several  recurring themes, so either I’m stuck in a rut or I feel the need to stress some ideas… I’ll leave it up to you to decide which it is!)  But for my birthday, I have been thankful ...

🎼🎶 Happy birthday to me… Thank you everyone for your birthday wishes today, whether by phone, email, text, message or puppy telepathy!  I had a lovely day, and a fabulous BBQ lime at my friend’s place with a small group of people who I hadn’t seen practically since the pandemic started!  It was wonderful catching up with everyone (and looking at all the fur-baby pictures that dominate these gatherings!)  My boys opted out of joining us (something about games on TV and someone needing to babysit a tiny monster puppy who was doing  his best to keep me from leaving the house!)  My birthday cake from Don was cut around 11:00 this morning (a Boston cream cake) and there was another chocolate cake and brownies later, along with an awesome international assortment of foods.  I’m stuffed, tired but very happy to have had such a great time with my tremendous friends! There’s an advantage to technology, as we learned through the past few years, in that I was able t...

It’s summer, and official, “OMG, it’s so hot!!” complaints season!  It was over 30C today, and really warm with no rain in the forecast for today.  The complaining began already as it went from heavy rain and dramatic storms to severe heat, and Canadians are excellent at griping at the weather.  I’m finding that it’s challenging to remain awake in the heat of the afternoon, but that’s all.  Don is also having difficulty (as usual) with the heat, but it’s still tolerable so far.  Cool showers are a boost!  Jerry is a little heat generator, so he’s often evicted from his resting spot, and he’s taken to crawling under the furniture and hiding out.  We’re having lilacs again because I like them and I love the scent and they were late this year, so why not? Don’s been awesome this week.  He snuck off to the supermarket one evening, came home and quietly slipped a package into the freezer.  He just sent me to see that he’d bought me lobster so that...

I really enjoy these flower pictures from you guys.  They are so pretty and cheerful that they make up for days that are less than spectacular.  Not today, in particular, today was ok, except that my back has again  begun to spasm!!!  WTF, back?  WTAH?  I thought that we’d reached an accommodation where you didn’t do all those stab-me-in-the-back things, and I treat you nicely by not lifting heavy items or pretending that I’m a gymnast or something.  I kept my end, so… over to you.  I’ll wait for your explanation, which had better be reasonable!!!  As the humidity climbs, I’m also noticing that it’s more challenging to take a deep breath.  There may be a conversation in the not-too-distant future about options, most of which I don’t favour.  But we’ll leave those until then.  No point rushing difficult conversations, right?  The boys are both doing well, I’m pleased to report.  Jerry had a jag of mischief around midni...

It’s a cooler day than it was yesterday, although it keeps looking like rain is imminent.  The weather report changed several times today about the rain, but the current one shows no rain tonight, but calls for fog patches in the early morning pre-dawn hours.  The boys are both having a nap on the sofa, with tiny snores emanating occasionally 😊. It’s so cute to listen to — although I’m 100% certain that I’d hear vehement denials if I mentioned it. So I’ve been happily lost in my book lately, thoroughly enjoying it, when I encountered a blog that discusses the series.  Normally I’d ignore that until after I’m done reading, to avoid spoilers, but I partly don’t want this book to end!! so I skimmed the entries.  The blog writer raised an interesting point that I’d subconsciously realized but hadn’t expressed clearly.  It was that this series (an epic fantasy) had a number of strong female lead characters and the world that it built had effectively flipped gender p...

Yesterday, the first official day of summer was a wet, drenched, thundering day.  I took Don to get his second booster, and that went well, thankfully.  He’s fine today, with just a little soreness at the injection site.  Today was a sweltering, muggy day, with threatening storms which have not yet materialized, but we have a lovely cool breeze right now.  Jerry was on guard in the car (usually he stays home if I drive, but he insisted on coming yesterday, and only sat on my lap while we were parked… today he was on my lap most of the day, batting my book out of my hand so that I could pet him.  He’s a very bossy little dictator who thinks that I exist primarily to pet and feed him!  He’s now on the back of the sofa napping on Don’s jacket, but ever ready to leap into action if either of us moves towards the kitchen! The heat is disappointingly difficult to manage.  As it gets hotter, my feet swell more, making it uncomfortable to wear shoes / sandals,...

Apparently it’s almost summer… just one more reason to love June!  I learned that my home care nurse and I share the same birthday, although he’s several years my junior.  He’s referring to the day as “our” birthday, which is excellent.  It was a beautiful, picture perfect summer’s day, with cloudless skies.  I watched our local hawks circling overhead for a while, although they were chased off by the endless, annoying noise of the construction which starts at 7 and goes until almost 6pm.  I understand why people go on rampages now…. Thankfully my pain is not back, and it’s been a week now since we reduced the pain medication, so I’m relieved about that.  Don is feeling well enough that he’s scheduled to get his second booster tomorrow — he was eligible about 2 weeks ago, was feeling off, so I’m pleased that he’s going to get that done.  Jerry is curled up on Don now, having left me after his attempts to mooch my cheese-and-crackers were less successfu...

Wishing all fathers, father figures and male influencers and, because it’s real, all the moms who are pulling double duty a great day today.  This photo is (obviously) from a FaceTime chat with my dad from when I had hair a few weeks ago.  I spoke to him today, but on the land line, so I wasn’t able to take a photo today, but he’s got his “spy” look on (he’s wearing some huge sunglasses indoors after his second cataract surgery, so you can’t really see his face!)  We’d video chatted a couple of days ago and I teased him about the look. He’s recovering well, and can see out the eye again, but he’s being extra careful, hence the sunglasses past the required time.  Don is doing well also, and got messages from his son, which makes him very happy.  (He pretends not to be concerned about events like this, or his birthday, but he chuckles like Santa when he gets the calls and messages!). He’s got Jerry napping on his lap, so it’s all good.  I had Jerry most of th...

You people are awesome!   I needed to share that.  About 10 minutes after I sent out the blog this morning, I got texts and phone calls telling me to please ignore people who don’t know how to mind their business and not let them affect when or how I wear what I want.  I loved the advice from one friend who said that I look wonderfully alive, and I’m well, just that my body is slow to catch up!  And another friend said that she loves my baldness, and to just rock it with some funky jewellery and my traditional smile. All that love followed by lilacs?  What an amazing day, thank you all so much.  There’s a lot more, but I’m going to hoard some of it 😁  One of my neighbours, I don’t know who, is making curry.  I can smell it, it’s making me hungry, although I feel stuffed.  At lunch I had a chicken burger (I’d bought some chicken patties) and I ate the whole thing, but that’s about 1/3 of a burger too much.  I’ll just sniff the curry and ...

Day 3 when I managed to get out for a bit!  I’ve hit a wall for the moment, so early bed tonight after a hot drink.  Don has also had an extra large spurt of energy, so he’s been doing a lot today.  Tomorrow looks like being a lazy one.  We were out on the balcony this afternoon, having ice cream, when I looked up to find that the tiny monster was using his telepathy on me to get some of my (chocolate, so he was out of luck!) cone.  It didn’t work on Don either, so he’s annoyed with us both tonight.  We had some storms this afternoon, with rather a lot of thunder and some occasional downpours but it’s turned into a very pleasant afternoon.  I find that it’s a bit of a challenge to breathe easily when the weather is humid.  That started last year, but I’m hoping that it doesn’t repeat this!  I know that my medical team is more than capable of getting me an oxygen tank if I need one, but I’d rather avoid it if possible. Today I had one of those...

I’ve got a little lap guard… he spent as much time on my lap as he could manage, sitting at alert.  I went for a short walk today (I think that the next block was moved about 3 miles further away!) without the dog, as I had to go to the pharmacy. I had to sit a few times, but I made it.  YAY me!  Don had a burst of energy, but used it all at once, so now he needs to rest and recover… And, by the way, for the people who think that Jerry matters more to me than anyone else, you’re only partly right.  (I like him better than many people, but not everybody ). Anyone trying to compete with my Jerry affection will just get his patented snort and get his back turned on them!  I’m still trying to adjust to being bald, but I’m not used to it yet.  Thanks to everyone who gave me compliments on my baldness. I’m trusting and believing you — although I still have my wigs for backup!  I continue to have less pain than I did before, Thank God!  Plus we’ve reduce...

   What a gorgeous day it was today!  Started off a little cool and cloudy, but it cleared up and was just all sunshine,  lollipops and rainbows everywhere!  We’ve got a bit of a breeze while I sit on the balcony and it’s a really lovely sunshiny afternoon.  Jerry is sulking because I’ve pushed him off my lap as he tries to jump on me and push my keys.  He’s sitting on my feet and letting me know that he is seriously unhappy with my choices!  Don is ok, so that’s encouraging.  As proof, he’s laughing when I make mistakes watching a trivia show.  I claim chemo fog, which I’m blaming for everything that goes wrong when I try to think clearly.  Anyone who disagrees with me will be treated to a raspberry 🤪 and perhaps a side glare.   😂 Well, I’m happy about a couple of small things.  I was able to cook and eat a meal, which is a HUGE step forward.  The meal actually stretched to 3 servings, so that was 3 meals! ...

This is easily one of the cutest photos on my roll… One little puppy all snuggled in and holding my hand!  He’s ready for his mid-morning snuggle and tummy massage 😊. He spent almost the whole morning cuddled against me, hugging my hand and just being the most affectionate that I’ve ever seen him.  He’s adorable.  Don is feeling a little better today, and looks more alert than he did the last few days, which is excellent.  I’m happy about that; I never like it when he’s not feeling good, or when he’s pale and tired a lot.  I also like it when his appetite is healthy, so that’s another good thing.  The puppy is adorable, isn’t he? I was listening to someone complain about “ cancel culture” and how it’s being abused by snowflakes, whiners and all those useless types.  Let’s get one thing out of the way quickly.  Sometimes people do  abuse the system and do all kinds of things to squeeze money out of people.  I have ZERO respect for people...

  I’m watching the Tony awards on TV, and mostly enjoying the production.  It’s one of those fun shows that let me pretend that I’m living in a musical if I hold on to my suspension of disbelief 😊for a few more minutes!  I love real theatre, and I’m saddened that — like so many things — it’s been somewhat restricted as I keep myself safe and there are so many, many closures.  I do miss  going to the theatre.  I’ll leave it there, since the list of things that I miss because of covid is long!!  I gathered some energy today and cooked a shrimp and mushroom Alfredo (pictured) and much to my irritation, I had to sit a lot while I did the things I needed to do to be able to cook, which is beyond frustrating.  I’ll stop talking now.  The list is too long to repeat here.  Just assume that I’m frustrated a lot, even though I have been warned to be kind to myself.  I think that Jerry has been paying more attention than I have, since he’s ap...

I’ve been struggling a little with staying awake today.  I have some difficulty staying awake and I’m often easily asleep when I should be awake!  It’s sad, really, buy I am not trying to leave leftovers on my plate,  I’m trying to stay awake, but there’s a considerable issue staying awake as time goes on.  I do manage to stay asleep, so that’s probably  a good sign?I’m certain that it will improve soon…. One friend talks about the steps to keeps going, so we’re weave got a couple of days to see how it improves, so we’ll try our best!  (If all fails, that scene is already shot!)  Jerry is busy trying to throw my iPad off my lap… we’ll have to be who wins, Don is trying to sneak the last of the Cheetos without me seeing… no comment! When I was a child, preparing for my First Holy Communion (so age 6 or 7) I remember one day being herded  guided by our teachers to church and instructed to kneel, hold my hands in the prayer position and ask forgivene...

I need to thank everyone who took the time to send me emails, WhatsApp and Messenger notes with encouragement for what I’ve been dealing with lately.  I honestly don’t  think that I’m special or unusual or anything like that, and I truly thank you for the love and support that you’ve sent me.  (and those who were thinking  about the messages, I appreciate the thoughts, and I know that when you’ve got a moment, or when you have a better idea of what to say, I look forward to hearing from you.). Life is certainly complicated enough that I don’t think that it’s necessary to add guilt to everyday feelings so please don’t.  If you want  to reach out, I look forward to hearing from you.  Otherwise, remember that I still feel care and love.  Thank you Larry for sharing this! 😘  Where I do not  feel love is watching the news and the coverage of the trial in the USA of the January 6 insurrectionists.  It’s horrifying to me that a country th...

It was a lovely rainy morning, which cleared up during the day.  I’m not certain exactly when, but it suddenly got sunny… and this evening, we’re again under cloud cover.  I’m delighted to report that the pain in my back is mostly gone, happy dances all around! We think that it’s the result of radiation a few weeks ago.  It’s good, and I’m happy.  The pain returns if I “exert” myself, which means that I bend over to pick up something from the floor.  That’s just… less than optimal!!  But I’m learning how to adapt, so it’s better than it was.  We’ll see how things shake out, as it’s one of those things.  Jerry has been on my lap most of the day — in fact, when the phone rings, he leaps onto my lap and rolls onto his back…. See how he’s curled into my arm there?  Silly, spoiled pup!  Thankfully Don is doing better today, which is great.  I like it when my boys are in good health.  I feel so much happier when I don’t have to worry...

I’m remarkably sleepy, so this will be brief.  I spoke with my oncologist today, and we agreed to delay my treatment until the Fall while I get some time for my body to recover.  That was a brutal  few days, and we agreed that we weren’t going to use that drug again, and we’d start one of the other options that are available.  The thing is that even though I’m recovering fairly quickly, my body still needs some time.  I have found that I’m still having some problems remembering things and I still have tremors when I’m tired.  So that needs to clear up some more.  Both Don and I are feeling a little under the weather today, so I hope that we’re both better tomorrow.  Jerry has been his usual adorable little self as he keeps us both company.  I can’t have him on my lap too long because I’m a little worried about the IV tubes interacting with his curiosity.  He’s instead happily curled up on Don’s lap, looking at me with his tiny teddy-bear...

I’m again bald.  My hair had been dropping for a while, so my personal care worker shaved it.  I’m torn between feeling sad and relieved, but I’m trying to remain optimistic as we go through this.  There are a few moments where things are not as I’d expect, but on balance, I’m ok.  My palliative care doctor said that I was recovering a little faster than expected, which is a good sign.  I’ll meet my oncologist tomorrow and we’ll discuss plans.  Confessing some nerves, but they will have to be handled over the next few days.  My boys are, as always, awesome and caring.  Somehow, there’s ice cream bars in the freezer… My list of books to read — both real and virtual — is not getting any shorter.  I don’t think that I’ll have any real chance of finishing them before I’m 500.  In the hospital I met one employee who shares my enjoyment of epic fantasy and Star Trek (we discussed ST in detail, then exchanged opinions and titles of epic fantasy...

It’s a slightly chilly Monday, and I’m wrapped in a cozy sweater because I feel so cool. It’s unusual but it will pass — I won’t complain about the summer weather, even if the news anchors are trying to be cute saying things like, “summer has hit ‘pause’”. It is what it is.   Jerry is a little unhappy because for 6 hours a day, I have the IV connected to me, so he can’t climb into my lap, because he tangles into the cords, and I remove him so he won’t either hang himself or damage the cords.  (More that he doesn’t hang himself.  I’ve got enough cords so I’m not going to worry too much about them.). Don has yielded to the need to use his cane, in the house, but not for too long.  He seems to be a little better today, but I’m just crossing my fingers that the improvement continues. This week is a series of doctor’s appointments.  I’ve got nurses coming to hook me up for hydration (I won’t show pictures, because they’re somewhat gross) that lasts about 6 hours. ...

I’m going to have to start paying royalties for the floral photos… they are so utterly beautiful and they make me feel happy.  So nice!  OK, so the nurse has been here for 2 days, where he was able to just hook me up to the PICC line and I was able to disconnect it easily after it finished.  We chatted about the challenges of obtaining medical equipment, since I don’t have the handy little pump that automatically controls the rate of flow, and I rely on gravity, and the ability of my nurse to calculate how long (and how high) to hang the bag so it flows over 4-ish hours.  (We’re actually averaging 6, but no complaints)  Jerry does not approve at all, not in the slightest of me being attached to a pole, as he can’t just bounce on my lap and cuddle to his tiny heart’s content!  Don has begun using his cane in the house as his feet are painful.I’m working hard  to not nag him about going to a doctor, because he’ll just get stubborn.  No further comme...

Whee!  I’m at home, and mostly under the guard of a tiny monster who gives me 0.03 SECONDS after I sit before he jumps on my lap!  My nieces had a good laugh at that, when we were talking.  I got up to get some water, and as SOON as I sat down, there was a blur and a small black dog planted himself on my lap, spreading himself to get his tummy petted.  Yesterday, I spent the better part of the morning at the hospital getting the PICC line inserted into my left arm (it’s supposed to go on the right arm, but my veins refused  to play nice, and the nurse couldn’t find one that worked, so we switched sides.  My nurse came to set up the IV, and I had a minor issue with the pole (I don’t have the handy little pouch pump, as they’re in high demand) which was too tall to go through the door for the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen… so I just had to sit quietly in my chair until the drip ended around 9pm.  Today, he didn’t make the pole quite so tall, so I could go t...

This is a photo of my “guardian” who is determined that I cannot escape or have time away from the tiny monster puppy who is more vigilant of a guard than the sensors on my phones.  Hear that?  I’m better monitored than the putative spy surveillance that comes with my covid vaccine.  🙄. That being said, my boys have gone out for the day, and will be home later.  I stayed home, waiting for nurse #4 to try to insert my IV.  Finally accomplished, so I got it inserted, then I got a call from the hospital to come in tomorrow morning to get my PICC line inserted.  (I had DM’d my oncologist yesterday, asking for his help to see if I could get the PICC appointment this week.  Then I sent a DM to say that I’d got the appointment for this week,  Clearly his ninja fu is strong!)  The IV will be removed, the PICC will go in, and I won’t need an IV again!!  As I said to my uncle yesterday, I have things to do, people to annoy and places to be. ...