Midwinter

 It’s brutally cold!  It also snowed all day, although it was the “fluffy big flakes” which look pretty drifting down, but not quite the ones that lie.  This on top of a layer of ice, so I’m told it was slippery outside.  I can hear the snow removal equipment again as they try to keep up with the ploughing.  Jerry is on my feet, doing his best to climb under my blanket as he objects to the cold as well.  I think my heaters need upgrading, as they’re not coping well with the plummeting temperatures.  Don has been feeling more like himself today, something I always appreciate.  We were catching up on a new series (for us) and he was also watching some of the new women’s hockey league.  They play really well; fast skating, lots of shots on goal — all really good.  I wonder why people considered Christmas to be “bleak midwinter” when it’s barely cracked the start of the season?

I gave myself permission to sleep in until 10 this morning as I had no appointments until 1 today.  I was awake at 5.  🙄  Go figure.  I called in to change 2 doctors’ appointments; one on Thursday because it’s going to be cold (-20) and it’s hard for me to breathe when the temperature hits extremes.  It’s also a short one, so I left a voicemail for us to change to either a phone session or to move to next week when I’m in chemo.  The other was my annual appointment with the haematologist.  My appointment was at 9, then I have another doctor’s appointment at 3pm.  That 6-hour lag is just… no.  So it’s been moved to the following week.  I mentioned that I’d tried a new grocery delivery service, which also offers food and I decided to try a couple of dishes.  They’re less expensive than a restaurant, with more limited options, but the food was delicious.  I will keep it in mind for the future; if I had the energy to go there myself, there are more options, but what’s available for delivery was reasonable.  Heck, the serving size was comparable to an average restaurant and it’s less than half the cost!  I had a visit from my care coordinator this afternoon, who wanted to reassess the services that I receive to be sure that I have the right level of help (we agree that the level is appropriate) and if I needed any more (no).  Five minutes after she left, I got a call from my physiotherapist to set up a follow up, and just after that a call from my social worker.  I’ve been fully checked today 😆

I want to just say a quick “thank you” to my supportive friends who have been so good at helping me cheer up a bit.  I have to admit that I depend on you and your cheerful comments more than I realize sometimes.  These are the friends who understand the “ring” principle, in which you “dump out, comfort in” — I think I spoke about this before, and it’s not my own idea, it’s from Ring Theory and it’s how we cope in crisis.  Essentially, the person in crisis (person with an illness or painful situation; the patient) sits at the centre of a number of concentric rings.  Each ring represents a group of family or friends of different levels of closeness — the rings nearest the person are obviously their closest family, then closest friends, then colleagues/neighbours, etc and then the “lookie loos” who are removed from the person’s inner thoughts but are meaningful acquaintances.  The concept is that the person in the centre can say or do whatever they want to whomever they want.  They can complain, kvetch, be miserable as they need, to anyone in any of the rings.  The people in the rings are only to provide comfort and support inwards.  You may complain outwards (dump out) but only support goes in (comfort in)  That makes so much sense!  It’s draining to the patient to have to comfort their friends, or to solve their problems and to be the support for others.  I was reminded about this again, talking to a friend today, when we were discussing some people who mean well but who are insensitive or thoughtless.  We sobbed on each other’s shoulders for a bit, then concluded that we should ignore the ignorance and just rely more on our support teams.  So thanks to those who have been supportive and cheerful and who send me those lovely notes/emails/texts, etc.  I really appreciate it!

I should really eat something, but I’m not especially hungry just now, so I’ll have a cup of hot tea or cocoa or something to just warm up a bit.  I might get peckish later — I’ve got stuff in the freezer to cook which I might do tomorrow, or leave for later in the week — and happily I also have snacks plus frozen meals so it’s all good.  I’m just going to relax and finish my book (which is part of a series that I’m debating whether to get the rest of… I don’t know yet) and curl up under my blanket.  Good night!