End of June

I’d be a multiple gold medal Olympic winner at that… really the only medals I’m likely to win (except for the one I have for tug o’war from way back)  Another overcast day, with some sprinkles, and definitely warmer than the last few days.  Jerry is a happy little boy playing with his ball.  He got a new king sized pillow for his bed, and he’s protecting it diligently.  He’s put it by the sofa so Don has to be careful when he gets up to avoid stepping on it! 😂 Don spent some time watching the draft — which is, to me, another boring event.  I’m really not sports minded at all!

I slept a lot better last night than the last two, so much so, in fact, that I was disoriented when the sun hit my eye at 6:30am and didn’t know where I was.  I just moved my pillow to block the sun and went back to sleep.  My appetite is not all that great today, so I’ve been drinking Ensure again.

My helper was here today and helped pack away some groceries.  I ordered a couple of items that are easily microwaved to try.  Hopefully I’m able to put together a few easy meals.  Otherwise, I’m going to make a request of my friends in Ottawa to help by preparing a couple of freezer-ready meals that are high calorie (high protein, high carbohydrates with some fat) and without beef.  I am trying to eat, I promise, but my energy doesn’t extend to preparation, cooking and eating.  I know that’s a challenging request, as everyone but me is carefully watching their diet to maintain/lose weight, and I desperately need to gain.

I am so frustrated with my lack of energy and worse, having to rely on others for so much… feels like it’s a mockery of my adult self.  Don’t misunderstand, I am grateful beyond words that there are people who are able and willing to help, but I feel horrible that I can’t do more for myself.  I try hard not to compare myself with others, but I feel like I’ve failed to push myself to accomplish things.  I see others who are in pain, with difficulty walking, who go out for walks, climb stairs and lift heavy bags/groceries, while I struggle to walk to the end of the block, and am out of breath putting tins in the cupboard.  Part of me thinks that I should do more, try harder, and make myself work harder; while the rational part of me points out that I am doing things that are within my capabilities and I really am not quite as lazy as I feel.

I’m going to have some cake — I ordered myself a lovely large birthday-esque cake which will be tonight’s dessert!  Good night!