Summer weekend

It’s warm, overcast but comfortable.  The kind of weather where you think that it’s safe to leave off your SPF-moisturizer and then wind up with a sunburn… Jerry is trying to play catch, and is throwing his ball at me and butting me with his nose so I have to toss it for him.  I made the error of throwing the wrong ball, and he looked at me with a quizzical expression, ran over to where his original ball was and tossed it at me!  Silly little puppy.  Then he pushed the iPad off my lap (I caught it before it fell) and jumped onto my lap and lay on his back, leaning on my tummy, and stuck a paw in my face to get me to start massaging… Don is watching one of those endless sports things that amuse him.  I say “watching” but I’m hearing snores from the sofa, so who knows?

I slept until almost noon today.  While that sounds excessive, I’d drifted off on myself around 7, woke up and went to bed around 8, and then lay awake until after midnight, because apparently moving from uncomfortable position on chair to comfy bed is enough to banish sleep for a few hours… I woke up once, around 8, but went back to bed (I had no idea what day it was, and checked my phone to ensure that I didn’t have any early appointments) and fell into a deep sleep for a few hours.  Obviously my body needed it, or I wouldn’t have slept, right?  I had my pizza, which was good but not what I’d been craving — isn’t that annoying? — and had some cold for brunch.  My worker arrived and made me an omelette this afternoon, and some tea, so I had something; I’ll have another snack before bed.  My coordinator emphasized yesterday that I cannot afford to lose more weight, so I absolutely must increase my calorie intake.  I have to agree — I have a new, injectable medication and it’s hard to find a “fatty area” in which to stick the needle!  Plus my tailbone is sore as there’s no padding anymore so I feel like I’m sitting/lying on bone!  

A nurse referred to me as “petite” recently, and I thought, “Petite?  Is she blind?” In my mind, I’m still the solid 200lb+ person I was for a large part of my adult life!  Then I looked at myself in the mirror, and realized that I am petite!  Bordering on skeletal.  I wondered for a bit last night (if I’m going to be lying awake, my thoughts go in odd directions) how different would my teen/university years have been if I’d been ‘petite’ then, instead of (as one nasty schoolmate said) “fat, unattractive and unsexy.”  I wonder if I would have been more like her, or if I’d have wanted to compete with my beauty queen older sister?  Would I have been boy-crazy instead of a bookish nerd?  How many arguments might I have had with my grandmother on how to dress?  She was very conservative in her approach, but had I been this small as a teen, I’d probably have tried to argue for more contemporary clothes.  (She didn’t like the idea of girls in pants, for instance, so the first time I was allowed to wear jeans was at university.)  Thankfully, I’ll never know how that would have been, because I’m pleased with myself, what I’ve learned over the years, and mostly with the awesome friends that I have from that era.

I’ll fill you in on another of my strange thoughts another time, if you’d like.  Sometimes they get very weird.  Gotta go change my patch and I’ll find something to eat… I’ve reactivated my “eat now” alarm, and it’ll go off in a few minutes.  Good night!