Courage… you can say that again!

A dear friend of mine commented yesterday that facing cancer is not for the faint of heart.  After hearing the diagnosis, which can make your world feel like it’s falling apart, comes the treatment. 

The strength of will that it takes to hear “You have cancer.” needs to be multiplied several times to be able to face the cure, which is almost always hard on the body and harder on the psyche.  When people talk about the “battle with cancer,” it sounds like it’s all a question of strength and willpower (sort of like losing weight.)  Neither of them is just about willpower – if that were all, it would be a simple matter to recover.   

The battle, at least from my perspective, is not so much one of the body, but of the mind.  The strength that it takes to keep the demons outside.   The courage to endure the waiting.  Waiting for tests, then for the results, and then for the next round of tests.  A battle to ensure that faith continues to exist, and that there is hope for the future.  The battle against the little voice of doubt that says “you’re done.  Abandon hope of ever resuming a normal life, of having ambitions, of being fulfilled.  Whatever you do is doomed.”

There are some things that make you want to talk yourself down off of ledges.  For instance, this week I heard a speaker tell a joke about losing a kidney, and I had to talk myself out of being upset.  I didn’t find it at all amusing to consider having a kidney taken away.  But that speaks to my situation.  So I had a conversation with myself to shake it off and ignore it.  The need to develop a thick skin when people say well-meaning but hurtful things, and to not believe them when they do.

That is the moment when inner strength is needed.  The moment when faith comes to the fore.  It is easy to surrender, but faith says that this is not all there is.  That this is a trial, and there is a reward to be gained.  I don’t know yet what it is, but I am certain that it is real.

So, I say “I can do all things in the one who strengthens me.”  And I believe, firmly, that God does not abandon me, that He will grant me the strength to face all of the uncertainty and to smile, and laugh, and accomplish the things that He has in mind.  My proof?  He has given me family and friends who lend me their strength, who hold me upright, and who have demonstrated that I do not stand alone.  It may not be the miraculous regeneration of my kidney, but it certainly gives me comfort and hope.