Learning and understanding

I need to thank everyone who took the time to send me emails, WhatsApp and Messenger notes with encouragement for what I’ve been dealing with lately.  I honestly don’t  think that I’m special or unusual or anything like that, and I truly thank you for the love and support that you’ve sent me.  (and those who were thinking  about the messages, I appreciate the thoughts, and I know that when you’ve got a moment, or when you have a better idea of what to say, I look forward to hearing from you.). Life is certainly complicated enough that I don’t think that it’s necessary to add guilt to everyday feelings so please don’t.  If you want  to reach out, I look forward to hearing from you.  Otherwise, remember that I still feel care and love.  Thank you Larry for sharing this! 😘  Where I do not  feel love is watching the news and the coverage of the trial in the USA of the January 6 insurrectionists.  It’s horrifying to me that a country th...

It continues to be hot and thankfully not particularly humid, at least while I’m indoors.  The sun feels like I’m being hit by tiny rubber bands when I’m outside.  Jerry hasn’t been taken to the park because neither Don nor I can manage with the heat and as I mentioned yesterday, he’ll develop heat stroke if he’s out too long.  So we’re trying to keep him (and us) cool and hydrated.  A few minutes on the balcony is great, as we can take in a bit of the “city view”and relax. So nice. I feel wonderfully loved today.  My lovely friend and her hubby visited today and brought me some homemade paella.  It’s absolutely delicious,  My only regret is that I can’t have any alcohol, as this would be even better with a glass of white wine.  But that’s a very minor issue, and I thoroughly enjoyed my meal.  Thank you, Miriam and Mike!  It was wonderful to see you, and the paella is just a bonus.   My niece is preparing for her confirmation at the...

It was a lovely spring day today, with some sun, some few clouds and nice weather.  Unfortunately for me, it was also a day with some horrific pain in my back.  I don’t know the cause, but the pills are sluggish to respond!  Jerry spent as much of the day on my lap as he could, only leaving when Don was on the sofa to throw his ball; otherwise he would sit or lie on my lap and try climbing on me.  I discourage that, as it’s painful to me to have him climbing on my abdomen.  Don had a decent nap, and a good meal, and is now “busy” with hockey… Jerry is keeping an eye open on each of us to see which is more likely to have a lap for snuggles. As part of the Easter journey, today is the day when Jesus remains sealed in the tomb.  Yesterday, Good Friday, ended with the dead, crucified Christ taken down from the cross and placed in the tomb, not fully prepared for burial.  Today, the apostles are hiding for fear of the population who were whipped into a fren...

 It was a fake spring day today.  Despite some rain this morning, it was 12C and reasonably comfortable.  I did not, sadly, have enough spare energy to take Jerry for the walk he’s craving, and I feel guilty about that.  I’m hopeful that when the weather warms up I’ll be somewhat more inclined to spend time outdoors.  I had a decent, if light, appetite today, and I ordered some donuts; mostly for the man in the house, but there are some for me.  I ate one today and I finished the half shawarma that I had from yesterday.  There’s a package of chicken thawing in the fridge which I plan to cook tomorrow.  I’m debating how  they will be cooked.  Do I opt for the super healthy grilled, or steamed or stewed?  Curry somehow didn’t make the list.  I’m not craving that right now, oddly enough.  Something will be sorted out by tomorrow, don’t worry.  Don is sitting on a minor pedestal for jump starting my appetite last week, he...

Yesterday, March 4, marks 2 important anniversaries for me.  The first is the 29th anniversary of the death of my grandmother, Elisher Jones-Garcia-Romain.  She was a pillar of my life.  I spent much of my childhood and teenage years with her, absorbing her ethos while breathing.  She was short — under 4’ tall — but was a force of nature.  She raised my mother and aunts as a young widow, as my grandfather died aged 39 from complications from lupus, although at the time nobody really knew what that was.  That was in an era when women didn’t work outside of the home, and they were not rich, so she was left a widow with 3 children under 10 — my mother was just 6 months old then.  She had an elementary school education — that was considered sufficient for girls — and 3 months salary from my grandfather’s job.  Extremely difficult.  But my mother and aunts all finished high school, found decent jobs (my mother worked for a bank all her career, fin...

Bit of a downturn today. My back feels like something is torn above my scapula. It's dreadful. And before you ask-Doctor appointment in the morning at 8:30. It's very uncomfortable, as there's a burning feeling along my back, and a dull ache along my arm. Most annoying. Don is a bit better today, although his shoulder remains sore. He's still relaxing, and gets half-time from the furry nurse, who's getting good at hopping from one lap to another! Jerry complained loudly about my personal service worker's arrival this afternoon, especially when she was changing the sheets. When she left, he growled! then jumped on my lap. Spoiled puppy! Today's title refers to the need to stick with your own area of expertise... I thought  that it was apt! I saw one of my neighbours on the elevator today. I was going to the basement, and I was using my cane. She asked why, because I'd "rely too much on it and slow the  recovery." Why do people strain my politene...

Ugh, Take it as read that my back has not been cooperating. Last night, I fell asleep quickly, but somehow managed to turn into a pretzel. So I woke up after about an hour to find that my legs were badly cramping, and my neck was sore. I rearranged myself, fell immediately back to sleep, and awoke again in a twist. This morning, my neck was stiff and sore, my legs didn't want to hold me up and my stomach had somehow got set in "reverse" gear... I got up, relocated to my chair, and waited for my lay minister. I'm always happy when he brings me communion, and when he arranges for me to receive other sacraments.  I'm reminded that I'm part of a community and not a sad, isolated patient. You will not be surprised to learn that Jerry is not pleased when my lay minister (or my nurse) is here, because he's sent into another room with Don instead of being allowed to run wild. I have tried, but he's so hyper that it's risky. He might knock over things and t...

  You know, I realized a while ago that my energy is not great, and I can usually plan a "big thing" per day, and the bigger the thing, the longer I need to recover. So my fun outing yesterday meant that today I was slow and sluggish! It'll be ok. I enjoyed my pastries with some tea, and some sushi so those were great, if small, mean.  Jerry was back at the park, and Don grumbled that he got a bit sunburnt from sitting in the sun. It was another summer's day, and autumn starts tomorrow! I had to ponder a couple of items  today. First was whether I am disinterested in people or that I respect their privacy. The second was similar, but it related to giving advice. I was wondering because it seems that I don't dig into what I'm  told. For instance, if someone tells me that they are starting a new  job, I will congratulate them, ask questions like - so where will you be located? what's the new role? Are you excited by the new job? When do you start? When do we...

I slept in an awkward position last night, so today I've got a MONSTER stiff neck and sore muscles. So miserable! But at least that pain is manageable and easy to treat. The rest of the day was slow as I tried to regain my balance (my legs, for some reason, decided that they wanted a. day off so I was wobbly) so I did extra rest, and worked on my physio exercises for a while. Jerry was spoiled as Don took him to the park and they saw several friends for about 3 hours. They are both napping on the sofa now... I heard a snippet of dialogue in a show today that reminded me of conversation that I'd had a while ago. In the show, a couple was having an argument as they were breaking up, and she refused to accept money from him. And I thought back to my discussion with my friend. He husband had offered to sponsor her for citizenship, saying that it would be easier if they had 'the same. Her mother-in-law interjected a snide comment, and in a fit of anger she refused. Years later,...

Generally positive news today. I was able to eat a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast; some rice, spinach, and chicken for lunch and tea and toast for supper. I consider that a win. I'm not going to worry about the portion sizes, as that is likely to cause stress! I'm not sure why I'm feeling so sleepy today. I slept well last night, I napped after I woke up and took my meds, so I should be rested, but I feel so sleepy! Jerry has again occupied my lap today, so my crocheting is behind as crochet does not combine well with small dictatorial lap dog! Today was flooded with reminders that it's the 20th anniversary of 9/11. It's surprising to me that it's already 20 years! I remember, as does everyone else who experienced the day, what happened.. It was very traumatic on many levels. I was working for Citizenship & Immigration Canada, and there was a strike underway. I remember hearing about the first plane hitting the tower just as I was preparing to leave for work....

How wonderful. The temperature dropped by 10° and it was a cool and agreeable high of 25°! That made it much more pleasant and easier to breathe. The humidity is gone and there is a refreshing breeze. Marvellous. I'm hoping that the temperatures-and the humidity-remain moderate for a while. I was asked yesterday if I'd bought any of the hospital lottery tickets. One of them has a grand prize of a house, brand-new, fully furnished and loads of extras. Another has car packages-each day for a month there's a prize of a pair of cars. Some are luxury vehicles, some are trucks, there are hybrids or electric. The hospital lotteries also advertise that their  odds of winning are 1 in 3. I've been playing for most of the past 20 years, and won precisely  nothing, except the knowledge that my contact info is known by the hospital fundraising foundation. That guarantees that I'll get letters several times a year, encouraging me to donate and perhaps buy a lottery ticket again....

Status unchanged today. The heat continues to be oppressive a'nd muggy with high humidity, so it's very uncomfortable. I have developed a lot more empathy for Don, who suffers from COPD and my other friends who are asthmatic. I now better understand how they suffer in the humidity and in pollen season. It's remarkably difficult to take a breath, smell a smell, sniff a sniff... (bonus points if anyone identifies the source for that line! Helga, Joanne, Giselle, Heidi, Therese, Alana? 🤪) The weather also bolsters some negativity. I'm amazed at how often I find myself slipping into a depressive state lately, often tied to an episode of gasping for air. I am tempted to cancel any non- critical medical appointments and avoid phone calls from unknown numbers, Perhaps thankfully, my friends are all identifiable when they call, and they also tend to avoid unknown callers. They're also good at leaving pertinent voicemails and sending texts and emails, so I don't- miss a...

AARGH! If it ain't one thing... we can mark "sleep" off the list of problems. I've had over a full week of 6+ hours a night, with small naps during the day. Having accomplished that goal, I was hoping for a couple of days of normalcy and perhaps some dull times. But no!  Today I had a resurgence of pain, for no clearly identifiable reason, accompanied by a very unhappy tummy. that will be another day or so. <sigh> oh well,  Life isn't boring, at least. I was listening to some music today. I realized that I'm stuck in a rut with that. I'm really into ruts on things that I like; we'll come back to this. But music-I tend to go to 80's and 90's greatest hits. Those are my favourite eras for music, generally speaking. There's some overlap from other times, but the majority of songs are in those years. What is it about music from the 80's that makes it so enjoyable? Yes, it's the music then I listened to as a teenager, which gives i...

I'm doing happy dances, well, figuratively, anyway, because my back still won't cooperate. But I managed a full 8 hours of sleep last night. I cannot overstate how happy I feel when I get a good night's sleep. It's fabulous. I also had a mini-pause and met a friend for a slice of pizza this afternoon. It was great to see him because it's been a really long time since our last meeting. I continue to be self-conscious about my appearance particularly because my back is now very curved, and I really feel like Quasimodo. I don't like how I look when I catch sight of myself in the minor. I mean, I was never a beauty queen, but I was also not a candidate for the freak show. And yes, I know that vanity is not an admirable quality; that being alive and mobile beats my opinion of my looks. I know all of that. But still... Which of us doesn't attach some value to our appearance? And I, like most people, cringe away from being pitied. I hate it when I get that look fro...

  The heat and humidity of Ottawa's summer has settled in. It’s again one of those paradoxes where it's hotter and more humid than on an island in the tropics! I'm finding that breathing is challenging. I'm really unused to this, and I'm working on finding methods of coping. I sit and elevate my feet in the hope of relieving the  swelling in my feet and ankles. Don keeps reminding (nagging!) me to lie down, rather than sit up and fall asleep in my chair.. _working on it!  A t least my pain medications appear to be working, as my pain is lower than it was. So it's a bit of a relief! I have a question, which I'm hoping that someone can help me answer: why are people so angry all the time at everything? It is confounding me. When I talk to people, it doesn't take long before the conversation descends into a rant on something. Lately it's about Covid; vaccines; stupidity, snowflakes, and so on. It appears that there are at least 2 reasons to be angry fo...

Let's start off with the great news that I saw two of my friends this afternoon for 5 minutes, shall we?  Fouad passed by to drop off some hair product for me, which was lovely, and he was accompanied by Marcel, who I haven’t seen in a long time. So wonderful to see them both! I’m looking at this as a sign that I’ll be able to see my other friends soon, and we’ll be able to get together and share good times again. In fact, there are plans for an upcoming dinner soon… details remain under wraps until the reopening is better in place!  I’m excited to see things moving in the direction of allowing more interaction! I was hoping that I could have made it to the end of the week before I became angry, but I could not. I'm sorry. I heard today this horrific story about a nurse who refused to get the Covid vaccine, and then contracted the virus and transmitted it to their patient, who died. I was so furious when I read that!!! How DARE you put your patient in harm's way like that? ...

 

I went to the butterfly garden today as my outing   Thar was my grand gesture, as I’m technically not allowed off the floor, never mind outdoors on a Saturday when most of the therapists are off duty.  My afternoon session was just a loop on the floor, far less fun than being able to go out exploring.  I’ve been trying to get these to work all afternoon with limited success, but maybe it’ll allow me to use two different angles.   The flowers are all designed to attract pollinators, primarily butterflies 🦋 but also bees and wasps  it will take a long time before they are back in their numbers but it’s definitely worth adding flowers of all types to attract pollinators. The orange ribbons are to honour the memories of the  215 children  found in the BC residential school.  I have no words for this, and I’m beyond horrified that this happened.  I admit that I don’t know much about the specific details of what happened at residential schools, no...

We’re starting off with a cloudy morning morning, which may affect the day.  My morning walk (500m!!)  was outside, which was lovely!!!  I easily doubled my distance from yesterday, and extended it, so I was able to make it a further walk than before.  I had a lovely stroll around the grounds, and part of my goal for next week is climbing the hill to the butterfly gardens .   The plan is to be able to take the Jerry dog out for walks, which includes hills and uneven ground.  Both he and I are looking forward to that! (Well, he will be when I can take those walks!). Then I gave myself another long walk this afternoon as it rained heavily, so the walk was indoors but 45 minutes long.   This afternoon was a long walk through the connecting tunnel between the rehab centre and the General hospital, into the radiology area which is is known for confusing patients. I managed to stroll a long distance, which covered most of the area from rehab to radiolog...

 Today was technically a day of rest, where I did not have to do much, however; reality and technicality did not overlap!  I was up and out of bed several times, just to check that my body reported correctly to various instructions.  I had to to the instructions given by my body over the objections of my body. I protested by my body to be able to heed what I was being told and listen to my self.  There were moments where I was ready to shriek that I gave up, but I made it out ok. I expected that I would have a lazy day, and I suppose that by certain standards I did.  I slept for long stretches of the day.  In fact, I started off watching a Mass video, but I certainly slept through most of it!  I slept for long periods of the day.  Sadly, those did not include the meal delivery portions!  I will have some work to do to get the meals up to a standard of edibility!  I met the occupational therapist (OT), who explained her role in my future ...