Learning and understanding

“Have you read ‘the Last Lecture’?  It’s so moving,” asked one of my friends recently.   I explained that yes, I had read it about 10 years ago when it was first presented, before the author died, and incidentally, long before cancer became a part of my life. “You should really read it!  It’s so full of wisdom for someone in your situation.”  In my situation?  You mean as a cancer patient?  Or do you mean terminal?  Or something else? I often feel overwhelmed.  There are cascades of information that just pour over me, most of it useless or irrelevant, but still flooding over me until I feel like I’m drowning.  I’m asked if I’ve tried some combination of herbs/powders/crystals/greens that is circulating on the internet.  If I’ve tried some miracle drug that was mentioned in an article.  If I’ve eaten/avoided meat/sugar/lemons/maple syrup/honey/cinnamon/pepper/kale... Why haven’t I switched to fully organic, vegan, coconut oil-filled foods?  Why haven’t I got my marijuana supply yet?  

Growing up I read quite a lot of comics (I read a lot of anything I could get my hands on, really) and there were a number of superheroes (and super villains) who got their powers through radiation.  When I first did radiation treatment 5 years ago, I joked that I should be able to get a superpower.  Now that I’m doing my fourth round of radiation, I thought I’d share the kinds of superpowers that I would like (in no particular order) in the hopes that I acquire one!  You may have to do some research to understand some of the references, but it’s all part of the fun 😁 One of the easier powers I’d like is to be a human Babel fish so that I can read, write, understand and speak any language.  Not just the current 6,000 languages that are active on Earth, but every language that has ever existed and any language that will ever exist anywhere in the universe.  Just imagine how many stories and ideas can be shared, in their original languages.  Imagine meeting a random person and being a

I have a dear friend who, no matter what news they receive, is firmly convinced that the sky will fall in and the world is doomed.  Several of our conversations leave me feeling drained from trying to counteract their negativity.  In contrast, I have a friend once who was so optimistic about everything that I provided them with a set of pom-poms and made them official cheerleader.  Their energy, while uplifting, was also tiring because of the need to always be “on.” I mention them because they both play important roles in life.  My mood swings from one to the other and back, although I like to think that I largely exist in a happy equilibrium between these extremes.  There are days when I’m the cheerleader for my friends, and cheering up others, and days when I can’t see anything enjoyable in life.  On some of those days, I want to scream at the cheerleaders, “Back off!  I want to be miserable!”  (I don’t, though.  I may turn off my phone for a day, but I don’t say anything.) Well-

In his Good Friday remarks, for many years, Fr. Leo would refer to the “dying side” of Easter.  It is not surprising that the focus of today’s service is death and dying, but it certainly is something to consider.  He always mentioned the sealed Tomb at the end of the Friday, and the sorrow, fear and hopelessness of the apostles after the crucifixion.  By Easter Sunday, of course, we are celebrating the resurrection and the renewal of life, but in between there is the tomb, and all it signifies — the end of this life, the absence of the one we love, a permanent separation, and an inevitable, universal end. I’ve been thinking a lot about death lately.  It’s not being morbid, at least, I don’t think that it is.  I am, though, wondering about death, and what happens to us after.  One view, to which I am not subscribed, is that death is final and is followed by nothingness.  It’s probably the easiest answer to deal with something we don’t know, but I find it hard to accept this.  It is t

Anyone have a nickname?  My younger brother gave everyone in the family nicknames when we were kids.  I hated mine, and protested, but brothers being brats (in Bosnian, anyway) he persisted and it stuck — so much so, that some of his friends have only ever heard me called by it and don’t know my actual name.  Nicknames are given to us to provide a sense of belonging; they’re an “in” message, shared only with members of a community.  Although I initially resented mine, it’s now a sign of affection.  Pet names are like that, and we use them with people we love.  There are very few people who do not have a pet name, even if it’s something as common as “dearest” or “honey.”  Names matter.  It’s how we are identified, and what makes us simultaneously an individual and a member of a family. We also use names as shortcuts to describe people.  We can pull out a label and apply it to someone and it assigns all sorts of characteristics.  I used to joke that my name was used as a swear word by

Have you ever noticed that if you’re struggling with a difficult situation you will receive messages from unrelated sources that address it?  For my religious friends, they refer to it as “God speaking to you.”  For the non-religious, it’s “the universe” or sometimes just dismissed.  It’s the feeling in your gut when you’re ill at ease in a situation; the ball of stress that emerges when you’re meeting a toxic person. I have found that I will receive guidance in unexpected ways.  The guidance is never as explicit as I would like; it’s never an email or letter saying, “this is your path.  Follow it.”  Instead, it’s in the form of a random snippet of conversation with a stranger; or the same subject being raised casually by unrelated people.  It may be in a sermon, or a passage flipped to by chance.  It most often comes through a person who makes me question myself and my certainty.  It might be the person who, in the middle of my self-pity, says, “can you help with this?”   I’m th

It’s a week into Lent, and like every other Lent I’ve been asked the same question, “so what are you giving up?” with the same suggestions to give up sweets; chocolate; alcohol; meat... basically a diet masquerading as a religious observance.  Then there are the more spiritual suggestions, usually accompanied by a quote from the pope or another leader offering ideas like, “fast from gossip, selfishness,” etc.  I previously wrote a blog entry on fasting, so I won’t repeat what I said there (but you can reread it here) . I do, though, have some additional thoughts about Lent and what we should hope to achieve. Lent is a period of fast and abstinence for christians, lasting for 6 weeks before Easter.   In Lent, we particularly focus on Jesus time in the desert, including his temptations.  We go through this period to focus on our spiritual life and to draw closer to God.  The thing to keep in mind, though, is that the practices followed during this time should not be short-lived; that i

In his office, one of my friends has a piece of artwork which is a stylized pair of birds which have their wings outstretched and their necks entwined. I saw them as being in a dance, he saw them as fighting.  It’s really a revelation on the day when you understand that the only person who perceives things the way you do is you.  There are others who may have similar perceptions, but there are always differences from your worldview.  Sometimes the differences are complementary, such as when one of you likes cheese and the other crackers, so you share the appetizer.  Sometimes they don’t matter, like when you like crossword puzzles and they prefer sudoku.  But sometimes they shatter relationships. Usually they relate to some strongly-held beliefs, or some long-standing practices.When these collide, it’s possible to create a deep rift between people.  I know, for example, that my Christian Catholic beliefs are at odds with several of my friends.  As teenager, another member of our yout