Learning and understanding

 Everyone knows that as a Trini I am a Carnival fake. Although I’m usually at home during the celebration, it’s because of my mother’s and niece’s birthdays and nothing to do with the waves of creative madness that flood and uplift the country.  This is a complete contrast to my siblings (blood and spirit) without whom Carnival couldn’t start.   In fact, it’s a standing joke that I’m sometimes on a flight out  of the country as the celebrations start. I enjoy the quiet sidebars... being able to listen to the music, feeling the energy, seeing the delight as everyone prepares.  I’m not a fan of the crowds, the drunkenness, the mess and the massive disorder.  Why am I bringing this up now, in the middle of the night? The music is great. In my mind, music is a language of God that underlies everything and it links humanity.  Yesterday, I had a chat with two of my  nurses as they helped me get in and out of the bed and we started to talk about different types of music and what they enjoyed.

 It’s 2 AM and I’m lying awake after having being jolted awake by nightmares and I’m waiting for the pain in my back to stop throbbing so I can get back to sleep. What better to do then update you guys? Get well balloon I’m looking at this beautiful, cheerful balloon that arrived yesterday, and it’s a great mood booster.  I hope that you enjoy it  It’s from my dear friend and her beautiful, exuberant baby girl who are among the many who light up my days  I also want to thank everyone who has helped keep my dad and my aunt from worrying too much. It’s a relief to know that he’s not able to find ways to spin into darkness. I call them every day; not that it’s unusual for me to speak with them, but it helps knowing that others are reinforcing my messages that I’m slowly improving and I’m eager to get back on a flight and fly home again!  (Yay for vaccines and the end of the pandemic). Yes I will be travelling. This is not a discussion item. My medical team has its priorities set.  They ar

Another day, more challenges ahead.  I really should not complain because there are SO many good things in my life right now!  I could find things to complain about, starting with the legendary food, but no. (Incidentally, I cleared my breakfast plate today, so I was obviously hungry.) I’m about four days after having back surgery. My back is still sore and my shoulders feel like I have been carrying sharp knives and been badly beaten. My arms are covered in bruises and sores and remains of IVs that have been taken out and put back in so many times that there isn’t it continuous stretch of skin that doesn’t look abused.  These are absolutely true. These are all absolute facts. And don’t take away from the fact that I am getting better that every day.  I can do a little bit more and that my strength is very gradually starting to return each day. Next to each bed in the hospital is a whiteboard which contains essential information for the patients... room number, name, etc. Here’s mine i

 Extraverts have to find a way to communicate. It’s difficult to go long periods staring into the walls and the ceilings so you might get more frequent updates if I feel the energy.  Definitely testing dictation and spellcheck so buckle up for an interesting ride I had actually forgotten that I gave an earlier update on my situation so there are two posts that talk about when I got to the hospital and what they found and what happened sorry about that; it’s the drugs! Today, thankfully they’re taking me off the last of the very heavy duty narcotics.  I still have a few others but they’re not as scary as these!  I had two or three nights of hallucinations and night terrors and absolutely scary things but that should improve  I hope.  I’m gradually getting to be able to move a little bit and breathe with less pain. My early morning doctor visits are good.  They check on me and say that I am progressing. Of course there’s my views that I think I’m progressing far more slowly than I should

 Oh dear Lord, this is SUCH a freaking roller coaster! As you know, I’m going through the recovery process after spinal cord surgery  A few days ago I woke up and couldn’t get out of bed.  My legs just collapsed under me!  I was absolutely terrified!  I texted my oncologist, who is marvellous and he told me to get to the hospital immediately  I did  They were great and put me in bed and checked me   I was told that I’d have to stay- something I hadn’t considered  so there I was with my iPad, iPhone and my current crochet project, expecting a few hours’ visit.  Not so!  That night, an MRI showed that I had a spinal cord tumour that was crushing my spinal cord and affecting my ability to stand and walk.  Surgery was then imminent and and urgent. I cannot express my fear at that moment. To be told that you NEED spinal surgery at 10pm? My world felt like it had smashed into pieces  Shaking with terror, I called my support team- Don (naturally) and my sisters.  They must have been equally t

You may or may not have known that I have been dealing with severe pain for a few months, since the end of February. We tried several changes of meds and did X-rays with no real success. The doctors requested more detailed medical images (CT scan) but because the hospital is slammed, it hadn’t been scheduled yet. Then yesterday when I tried getting out of bed, my legs collapsed under me, and I wasn’t able to walk unassisted even 2 steps. I contacted my oncologist who said to come in to the chemotherapy unit at the hospital for some tests. I arrived   at 9:30am , got a couple of meds and waited in a bed. The scans were being arranged, but the earliest was   6pm , so they decided to have me admitted at least overnight while they evaluated options.   We did an MRI  at 8:30pm , and shortly after 10 the radiation oncologist came to say that they found a tumour on my thorax,  which accounts for both the pain and the weakness. The first thought was to plan for radiation treatments and I’d be

 Easter has come and gone, but I’m still stuck in the early afternoon of Good Friday. I mention that because I do love the Easter season and the liturgy that goes with it. For years, starting when I was a teenager, Lent meant being involved in the dramatization of the Gospels John 4; 9 and 11 ( The Woman at the Well; Healing the Man Born Blind and Raising Lazarus from the Tomb ) followed by the reenactment of the Way of the Cross.  It was a Lenten journey that we lived through culminating in the death and burial of Jesus, and then rejoicing in the resurrection on Easter Sunday morning. Good Friday’s focus on the suffering and death of Jesus was always cathartic before the joyful resurrection. This year, though, has been challenging.  There is the ongoing Lent of the pandemic and the recurrent lockdowns, which has its own element of fasting involved in it.  I haven’t seen or hugged my friends in over a year, and that has been very hard!  Plus the loss of my other activities... and then