Learning and understanding

I know, I know, I missed a few days.  My explanation (not excuse) is that I’m in hospital, not on a rest cure, so sometimes my body declines to participate in activities!  That’s all I’ll say on that!  Jerry has not yet chosen to forgive me for being away, and works diligently to knock the phone away from Don when we’re talking and to communicate his ongoing displeasure by not responding to me when I talk to him.  He simply pretends that I’m not there, and doesn’t show even the tiniest reaction to my voice, except to be more affectionate to Don (who pretends to be annoyed but secretly loves it.)  His team has performed abysmally in the playoffs; they have a “mathematical chance” for a comeback, but it’s not one any betting person would take, nor is it one that has any historical precedent of ever working.  So he’s now onto the CFL… So I had a little drama in the past couple of days.  Most notable was when I suddenly started to cough and couldn’t catch ...

Gee, I look like my mom in this photo.  Although I suppose that I look like her anyway, but it stands out more here.  I’ll get more into this in a minute, I need to fill you in on other stuff.  First off, the weather is busy being Ottawa winter grey and gloomy, so it’s not encouraging in the slightest.  Dark when you wake up, overcast during the day, dark early… no wonder Jerry doesn’t want to be away from people and cuddles!  He’s perfectly happy to sit on a lap and be stroked when he’s not rampaging around playing with his toy!  Don didn’t sleep too well last night; according to him, he ‘missed his cue’ to go to bed and was awake for hours watching… yes, you guessed it!  He napped a little this morning, but I hope he’ll get a better rest tonight.  Although it’s Saturday, and that means… 🏒 and tomorrow is 🏈 so I’ll just dive into a book somewhere. Yesterday I went in to the hospital to do my blood transfusion.  There was a mixup… I got the...

Of all types of weather, and all the many variations that we get here in winter, I cannot make it clear just how much I hate, despise, detest, abhor  freezing rain.  It has no redeeming qualities.  It turns otherwise normal walking surfaces into a hazard, breaks tree branches and is just horrible.  The forecast tonight is for ice rain for several hours, to be maybe followed by rain.  I’m not thrilled by this, as I’ve got an appointment early tomorrow, but we will cope.  Jerry had an attack of sulking today, as Don went out to do some repairs to the car.  There was nowhere for him to take the dog, so he stayed with me.  Well, Jerry does not approve of this situation in the slightest, so he sulked, grumbled and generally let me know that I am very much a second or third class citizen in his view!  Don’s back now, everything handled smoothly, and Jerry is changing whose feet he sits on every few minutes as if to ensure that everyone is where the...

It’s another chilly, cold and otherwise typical winter day, that does not add to my cheer or enjoyment of life.  This is taking longer than I’d like to climb out of this feeling.  Really not my normal way of operating.  Jerry is now on my feet, warming them up which feels nice.  He got a long while on my lap today while I was getting my hydration and then he got cuddles from my support worker when she arrived, and he was locked in the other room with Don while the nurse was here.  He was NOT lonely!  But apparently this was inadequate puppy attention, and he made sure to convey his annoyance to everyone around.  Don is catnapping just now; tomorrow will be a long day and I’ll be heading in to sleep early tonight to get as much rest as I can before the long day ahead.  He got quite a  lot of sport last night; I woke up several times during the night to hear the annoying theme music of sports talk show or ongoing matches until about 4am. My blo...

It’s getting really cold now.  Yesterday we started the day at -10 and overnight it was close to -15; today was slightly warmer, up to 0.  The cold is discouraging.  Jerry continues to snuggle and try to get on my lap for most of the day.  Doesn’t matter that I explain to him that after his sleeping on me all night, I need some  puppy-free moments.  Apparently that makes no sense to him and he settles on my lap.  Don, like me, is complaining about the cold and rolled up in his blanket.  There are games on later tonight, and I think that I’ll go cuddle under my faux-fur blanket while he cheers on his team. I had my appointment yesterday, and was disappointed to learn that I’ve lost more weight.  My appetite, though, is still fairly decent, although obviously not as big as I thought!  I’d ordered Chinese last night and had several servings but I’m not happy with the chicken… pity!  Take out is so expensive that I’m unwilling to throw ...

It’s been a rainy, shilly, kind-of-damp-that-gets-into-your-bones sort of day.  I’m wrapped in a blanket and giving some serious thought to extra socks and a sweater.  I refuse to turn on the heat just yet, but I don’t think I’ll be able to hold out for much longer!  This is where the dog would come in handy, because he generates a lot of heat… but of course  he’s nowhere near my feet now that they’re little icicles.  He’s sitting by himself on Don’s blanket, not relinquishing it, chewing on one of his toys.  Don is watching what feels like his 20th football game of the day… and don’t tell me that it’s physically impossible.  Every time I look up there’s a different set of uniforms running around a field, although I admit that there were men skating at one point so there must have been a hockey game. WOO!  Finally, I got a support worker this afternoon!  Oh, what a relief 😅 She showed up on time, I got a shower, she changed the sheets, and g...

It was actually sweater weather this morning!  11C at 7:30am, but it’s warmed up to 22C.  Why, you ask, was I awake at that hour?  Well, my lay minister visited early this morning and I had to be up for when he arrived, so I got up and somehow never went back to bed; I intend an early night tonight, though.  Jerry was annoyed this morning at being woken up early, then having someone in his  house, and then I was on video chat, of which he strongly disapproves!  He’s been letting his displeasure show by scratching my legs and butting me with his nose, and then seeking attention by bringing his toy for me to throw.  Don was doing better today, too, the cooler weather is a lot easier for him to be able to breathe, and thankfully his legs and feet aren’t as bad as they were.  He’s also happily watching sports in between catching up on shows we recorded on the PVR, which (unsurprisingly) also contain games that overlapped others!  I’ve got a few o...

It’s Victoria Day, where we honour the late (several generations ago) Queen who made Ottawa the capital of Canada.  More importantly, to me, anyway, is that this is the climax of the Tulip Festival, so there will be more fireworks tonight (there were Saturday and Sunday)  My sister-friend “kidnapped” me this morning for breakfast and some time at the lilac walk.  Have I mentioned that I love lilacs?  Our timing was extremely precise, as my kidnapping was at 10, my nurse was due at noon and I returned home at 11:45 — at the same time as my nurse was calling for access! (She was early!) Jerry has complained that he was abandoned, so he spent time on my lap to ensure that I can’t sneak away again without my shadow.  Don has been doing something on his computer, and I’ve learned over the years that it’s not in my interests to enquire too much into his goings-on.  The results usually show up a day or so later in a box, and that’s when I have to deal with them. ...

It’s a long weekend, and today it POURED 🌧️ I don’t usually hear the sound of rain in my condo, as the roof is concrete and I’m 20 floors up, so I don’t hear it hitting the ground but the wind changed direction so I could hear my patio furniture getting drenched.  Any plants that were outside would also have got soaked, but nothing’s out yet.  Jerry was still in his zoomies mood, when he wasn’t napping on my lap or throwing his heavy gorilla on my toes.  He also took a nap (we all did) during the rainstorm and are slowly getting up and moving again.  Don was having some difficulty breathing this morning, but that seems to have settled, so the rain helped tremendously.  We’re now catching up on episodes of Jeopardy Masters  where I’m rooting for one particular contestant and Don is generally just enjoying the competition.  The semi-finals and finals are this week, so we’re not too far behind.  Jerry doesn’t care about this, and just wants someone ...

This is me, 6 years ago this weekend, when I was visiting my sister in Toronto.  At the time, I had no cane, was able to use public transit easily and could walk at the lakeshore over uneven rocks.    Time does make differences in life, doesn’t it?  Jerry was very excited when my support worker came over, and has been in a playful mood all day.  He’s trying to persuade me to give him another  blanket (he’s got 2) to add to his pile of comfort.  He’s also letting me know that feeding him dry dog food is an insult to him, please adjust accordingly.  (Not happening.)  Don is happy to have sold off a few things he no longer needs, I’m happy he’s happy, and he has a few more items listed for removal.  All 3 of his teams have been eliminated from the playoffs, so that just leaves baseball until the football seasons start.  I’ll have maybe a week of no sports in the next few months, and I’m trying to persuade him that we should consider a ...

Tulips are beginning to pop up; the Tulip Festival is coming up soon, so that’s great timing.  There is, though, still the risk of flooding in some areas, and a few of the interprovincial bridges are either closed or have reduced lanes.  I had an appointment at the hospital today, and the weather was just so outdoorsy!  That shade of perfect blue, with tiny puffy cotton wool white clouds and cool air!  I was out in just a light cardigan when we got back; I’ve had the urge to do more than my energy allows but I’ve been trying to manage my strength better.  Jerry continues to try to milk being lifted… this morning he jumped out of bed, ran around the room (security patrol 😆) then I had a cold nose on my arm, followed by a paw patting me to say that he needed to get back into bed!  He’s curled up against Don now, after having persuaded him that he needed petting.  Don is saving energy after his team lost last night, but there’s another game tonight. ...

  A day where the weather took on that dreadful bone-chilling damp as we got ice rain. For my tropical friends, that's where the trees look all fairytale glassed over. while the streets become skating rinks. It's the kind of weather that you enjoy most from the comfort of your cozy blanket fort. Jerry has been on my lap, blocking my screen and stopping me from using my tablet. Don is watching the world Junior Hockey finals, and rooting for Canada (of course). Yesterday was more exhausting than I'd realized, from an emotional standpoint. I was quite anxious when I was waiting for the doctor, and when he started going through the scans. I know that each time I go through these treatments it moves one from the "things to try" column over to the "done all we can" column, and when that fills up I'll be on final notice and out of options. I'd love it if we found a treatment that added decades to my life, and removes the tumours. Every time I go to thes...

We're in winter. No question about it. It snowed off and on all day, but the temperature hovered around freezing, so there's a lot of slush. It's also that level of chilly damp where the cold seeps into your body. Inside, wearing a cozy sweater, wrapped in a blanket and with a dog on your lap is the current behaviour. Don has a fan blowing on him, since it seems to help with his breathing, but meanwhile I feel cold. Ah, the negotiations of room temperature.. Only Jerry is neutral-he just moves from one lap to another to get as comfortable as possible! I've noticed that sometimes a topic will appear in several places in close proximity. For me, that was in the last few days the subject of grief has become prominent. A friend forwarded a podcast that talked about grief-over the death of a parent-and how coping with it is a necessary part of self-care. Another friend called to let me know of the serious illness of someone we know. I learned of the death of a friend's s...

I had an appointment this morning at the hospital for my follow-up CT scan, which was scheduled for 7:45am.  Frankly, that’s earlier than my average arrival time at work back in the day… We had three tries to find a working vein for the IV, and a surprisingly painful injection.  May I whine that my hand is sore from the injection site?  I’d like to pretend to be all calm, cool and collected, but scans, even (especially?) routine scans, terrify me.  They have a gigantic question mark that hangs over my head while I wait for the results, and I try not to worry while I wait for the results.  Insh’allah, we will continue monitoring, so that we can go on with everyday life.  But the shadow of “what if” hangs over everything, and my best efforts can’t banish it to the outer darkness where there is weeping and grinding of teeth.  Sometimes I think that I’d like to know the future, so I can plan in more detail what I’d like to do, but most of the time I don’t ...

It was chilly and overcast after yesterday’s rain today.  The forecast high was 8C but it felt colder.  I got to sleep quite late today, almost to 9am!  The benefits of weekend mornings, 😂 So I was able to have a leisurely chat with my boys before I was invaded by the SP who arrived bearing toys to drive over me.  Jerry was ignoring me again… soon I’ll be back home with him getting my snuggles!! We  went out to a celebratory brunch to mark my 10th anniversary of my diagnosis and first surgery, and the SP dressed to the nines!  She was Princess Tiana  (of The Princess and the Frog ) in a new green party dress, and he wore a green shirt and brown tie under a blue patterned cardigan.  Very stylish!  So we all tried to dress in greens, but I don’t have my full wardrobe with me, and the dressiest top I brought is pink, so I didn’t match the family colours.  Brunch was good, and the waitress provided some excellent suggestions so I got the be...

Today started off being sunny and warm, but by 11 the skies clouded over and rain poured down.  It rained off and on for the afternoon, but it was a lovely day.  It’s one of those where we’d say that we carried our sunshine with us!  I talked to my boys as usual this morning; today the building had a planned water outage, and I’d reminded Don several times to be prepared.  He got everything sorted, ready for the 8-hour period without water, and thankfully the water was restored after only 3 hours.  Jerry’s walker called to cancel as her partner was injured at work and needed to be at the hospital for treatment (he was cut badly on his left hand, the artery was severed, he needed stitches and had lost a lot of blood.  He’s going to be fine.)  So the boys went for a drive, and Jerry got to run around in a new park for a while.  The picture showed a happy little puppy busily exploring on his own.  Good little monster!  I’m also happy that D...