Learning and understanding

A message from Jerry to start off today… He’s actually been quite good and quiet today, but that’s got a lot to do with not having people in his space!  He’s being spoiled by Don after his afternoon snuggle and tummy rub from me (2 hours while I watched something on TV!) then he went to complain that he’s a neglected puppy… Don is OK today and is lining up his game watching schedule for later… We may be able to watch some of our PVR shows, but I know that he’s champing at the bit to get at his games.  I’ll enjoy this while I can; there’ll be days of just games as playoffs start to wind up and other sports get going later in the spring! I slept  last night!  An uninterrupted, deep 9 hours!! When I woke up this morning, I was stunned to see how late it was.  I’d love to figure out why my sleep schedule does what it does so I can have a more consistent experience, but I suppose if I didn’t have the sleepless nights I wouldn’t fully appreciate the nights when I do g...

It was warm enough yesterday that I wore a summer dress and sandals to my appointment!  That felt nice and the nurse told me how happy she was to see a flowery dress after a long winter of greys, blacks and dark coats.  I agreed with her on that.  Jerry is over excited because his  support worker is here, but she’s doing my stuff and he doesn’t like being ignored like that.  He’s sitting on Don’s lap right now and whining in protest about being kept from running around her.  Don went to his medical appointment today, I was pleased and relieved that he did.  However, he seemed to be accident prone as he fell on the way back and one of his fingers looks awful and he is limping from having hurt his foot.  He’s sitting resting and staying off his feet today, so hopefully he recovers well. My news is frankly bad.  The scan showed that my tumours have actually grown  since we started chemo.  It’s like they were weeds that were planted in ...

It was a mild, sunny day today, which is surprising because it started at -23 at 7am.  It felt almost springlike this afternoon, when we reached 4C.  It’s supposed to get up to almost 10 tomorrow, which is freakish for mid-late February, but to restore winter, it’s due to be -19 on Saturday.  Guess who will  not  be leaving the house that day (apart from the fact that she’ll be connected to an IV for 8 hours)!  Jerry has been on my lap for the last hour and a bit, patting my chin with his little paw and moving my hand to ensure that his tummy is fully massaged.  He was quite comfortable until he decided that Don looked lonely on the sofa and moved.  Don was having a challenging morning, and thinks that his pain meds are making him queasy.  He’s feeling a bit better now, but is still slow.  Gotta say that age and infirmity are not a good combination!  We got a call to say that he’s been declined for support services, and the only exp...

Oh man, it’s getting to be cold!  It was a HIGH of 0C today!  That’s as warm as it got; when I first woke up this morning it was -3.  😌 Winter lasts too long in this country.  And it just keeps hanging around for years at a time!  Well, it feels like that, anyway.  Jerry is a happy puppy tonight, and is running around eating and tossing his toy.  The alarm got replaced and upgraded this morning, happily, and the repair guy was here for all of 5 minutes to pull out the old one and install the new one.  Since the beeping has stopped, Jerry has stopped shaking and trying to burrow under us, which is lovely, and even better, he’s eating and drinking normally.  He wasn’t eating much with the noise; it really caused distress.  We’ll see how he is tonight at bedtime… Poor Don didn’t sleep at all last night, although we’re not totally sure why.  He’s blaming the alarm, I think it’s pain that he’s covering, but either way, he was up all nig...

Fall is here!  The weather is firmly in the “seasonal” range, which, although normal, feels distinctly cold after the last few weeks and the heat wave.  We’re rapidly approaching peak leaf colour change, which means that there’s less green and a lot of red, orange and yellow all around.  Mornings are usually foggy, cold enough to see your breath, midday is chilly and evenings require snuggly blankets, the “OfDon” cloak, socks and hot drinks. I’ll definitely have to stock up on hot chocolate (that someone likes!) and look up soup ideas.  Jerry is exceptionally snuggly and has been complaining  anytime he’s not on a lap (usually mine) and has to amuse himself.  Don is a little more energetic, and moved around a bit more today, although that exhausted him and he’s catching up — I understand that, as I have the same issue when I do too much (or pretty much anything at all)  Surprisingly there’s no sports on tonight (or it’s on one of the channels we don’t ...

Another photo from Tobago, this time, that I received and which I’m sharing.  It’s just such a glorious golden sunset and I transport myself there in my mind to listen to the sounds of the sea, music and people.  Today is certainly hot enough for Trinidad, it’s hot (30C) sunny and somewhat humid.  I’m officially resting today as yesterday, fun as it was, also had me feeling tired.  Jerry is quieter today since he’s had  company all day, and has even supervised my visits to the bathroom, complete with his dog toy… I try for privacy, but it’s not guaranteed!  Don was feeling off last night, with an upset tummy.  He didn’t sleep too well, so he has been sleeping this afternoon… sorry, he’s been “watching” sports.  The snores are louder than the TV though, although every time I changed to something else, a hand would come up and the channel would be changed back!  So I’ve lost myself in a good book for a while.   Since I rested today, my arm...

This was on Monday, sitting in the train, feeling a little tired — before the delays started.  This morning I looked outside and saw flurries!  Not many, and not long, but just enough for me to tuck my toes under the blanket a little harder.  Jerry must have seen them too, because he tried burrowing under me!  He’s really been persistent in sticking close to me since I got home; he moves from lying on my tummy to lying on my lap when I sit, and he arranges himself no matter what I’m doing.  I’ve pushed him off, and he just bounces back up.  Silly dog!  Don has been enjoying having me at home, and we’re catching up on several of our recorded shows.  He was good, and didn’t watch too many without me — although today I came out to find that he was halfway through one that we normally watch together.  So, of course, he had to restart it.  Because that’s what happens when you don’t wait to watch a together show at the same time!  Now, th...

I got outside today for a little while — it was lovely, sunny and warm!  But it was great - no sweater, I wore flip flops and a summer dress.  All signs of warm weather becoming the order of the day more regularly.  I’m loving it.  Yes, I know, Canada isn’t the place for year-round warm weather, but then Trinidad doesn’t have Canada’s other benefits.  I’m happy to report that my pain has dropped back to where it was last week, and my medication level is equally lower.  Finally!  Since it’s the second day like this, I can be reasonably confident that things have regularized!  I hope that my return journey isn’t as traumatic as the one out, because 5 days of recovery just burns up my holidays and I don’t get to enjoy the things we plan.  My boys were doing pretty well today; although the building is doing work on the units opposite me.  They’ve set up a swing stage and will be removing and replacing their balconies over the next few weeks....

Isn't it amazing that every year, like magic, on Dec 31 at midnight, a whole new year arrives?  It just appears! That was a throwaway remark in a comedy years ago which stuck with me. Today is, of course, Old Year's Day, when we bid farewell to one year and prepare to greet the new. It's a day when Don is glued to hockey on TV-there are seemingly unending games all afternoon, evening and night. Jerry, little darling, is alternating between cuddling up and dancing to block Don's view of the TV. He seems to know when the game is more exciting and opts to interrupt then! (No, I didn't teach him that! Of course I wouldn't weaponize the puppy) 🤪 Do you make resolutions? It seems to be a fading practice. Many people to whom I've spoken say that they don't keep them, so there's no point. Plus, they say, why wait for January? They do have a point, I admit. The majority of resolutions are things like, "lose weight, go to the gym," or "manage m...

Thanks very much to my wonderful friend who got me out of the house so we had an early dinner/late lunch and lots of laughs. I feel lighter than I did for the past few days. It's good, because I don't like those dark phases that are so hard to escape. I was a dog bed for part of the night, being woken up by a paw in my face... I was then guarded closely for the day even when I was on the phone dealing with chores. Don has advised that-he's unavailable until sometime in January as there's hockey on TV. I learned years ago that there's hockey on practically year-round, so I find ways to entertain myself. Amusingly, I technically control the TV remote, but only if there's no hockey, CFL, NFL, baseball... So, about two nights a month, and mostly daytime! Looking back on this year, there are some good memories and a couple catastrophes. Let's get the bad out of the way. There was that horrible truck occupation in January and February. I'm still uneasy when I ...

Marlene Garcia 1933-2022   You know the rhyme about children and weekdays? It begins "Monday's child is fair of face..." Well, "Friday's child is loving and giving;" if ever there was an accurate description ! Marlene Garcia was born on Friday, May 26,1933 to Roderick & Elisher Garcia. She was their second child; the first, a boy, died within a day of his birth. She was, by all accounts, a charming, lively girl, who was a special favourite of her father's. She was the only child for 5 years, then her sister Margaret joined, then my mother Lydia 4 years after that. Six months after Lydia's birth. Roderick died. Ming was her mother's great support from then on. She told us that she would help her mother look after the little ones - her sisters and the many cousins who were often at the house.  Her father called her "Ming toy" because she was such a delight. As children, we gave her another nickname. We used to watch Abbott and Costell...

I woke up with no pain this morning, but having not slept very well.  Honestly, I’ll take the no pain.  I can sleep at other times.  We had planned to do a grocery run today, but the traffic was competing with Toronto today… there’s road works that closed the highway so traffic that would normally bypass downtown was detoured into downtown.  Isn’t that fun?  No, you’re right, it’s not!  Plus the street on which I need to turn to get out of my building is closed from 8pm today — so already — until Monday 6am, so for me, getting in and out will be a challenge. (“Local” traffic can still access the driveways, but the road is a mess.). We were out to a different grocery, with a shorter list but I definitely needed items.  Jerry was excited even before we decided on the trip, and went to stand guard over his harness so he could get dressed to go out!  Don’s spider bite continues to be sore and uncomfortable but he was ok to drive so progress.  The...

 Saw my doctor early this morning.  He was able to explain both my pain and my depression.  Briefly, the pain caused the depression (as several of you had suggested) as prolonged pain interrupts your neurochemistry and leads to feeling blue.  As for the pain, my nurse had said that the side of my back with the pain felt different, and my doctor said that it’s visibly swollen.  There’s a lot of scar tissue in that area from last year’s back surgery, and that can lead to spasms that are quite severe, and also accounts for my shortness of breath.  It’s something of a relief to hear that there are explanations for my symptoms.  We’ve adjusted my meds a bit, and suggested a few other options.  Annoyingly, and sadly, I’m still not allowed to get a massage, but I’ll remain optimistic!  Jerry had some time running around a park, and even more cuddling — he moved from me to Don and back several times! — so he’s been definitely hugged and petted all da...

   What a gorgeous day it was today!  Started off a little cool and cloudy, but it cleared up and was just all sunshine,  lollipops and rainbows everywhere!  We’ve got a bit of a breeze while I sit on the balcony and it’s a really lovely sunshiny afternoon.  Jerry is sulking because I’ve pushed him off my lap as he tries to jump on me and push my keys.  He’s sitting on my feet and letting me know that he is seriously unhappy with my choices!  Don is ok, so that’s encouraging.  As proof, he’s laughing when I make mistakes watching a trivia show.  I claim chemo fog, which I’m blaming for everything that goes wrong when I try to think clearly.  Anyone who disagrees with me will be treated to a raspberry 🤪 and perhaps a side glare.   😂 Well, I’m happy about a couple of small things.  I was able to cook and eat a meal, which is a HUGE step forward.  The meal actually stretched to 3 servings, so that was 3 meals! ...

What a stunningly beautiful and sunny day it was today!  HRH Prince Charles and his wife picked a picture perfect day to wander around Ottawa.  It was a little cool, but not enough to need more than a light sweater or shawl, certainly not enough for a coat!  I was not out, partly because my back was stabbing me and partly because I had bookings.  Jerry is sulking, because there were incursions into his house by my lay minister, and then a long phone call this afternoon.  Don was feeling more active and energetic today, which is good! we watched one of our recorded programs (the PVR is getting full! 😳) so we’ve got to clear off some stuff.  As with anyone else, I’d be fine to erase a number of shows that Don’s recorded, and he’d like to erase a few of mine, but we’ve agreed not to touch each other’s shows and we watch and erase certain shows together.  But the temptation is a real thing, I tell you!  My shows better not disappear next week, is all...

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers, caregivers, and everyone who acts in the role of a mother, whether you physically gave birth or not.  Look!  Lilacs!!  (Apparently these are from a year or so ago, but — Lilacs!!  I love lilacs because they smell wonderful and they’re so pretty). I have wondered for years whether I could grow lilacs on my balcony in a planter.  I know that they grow well and their root systems can become tangled and spread widely, but not having a garden, I’d love to grow them on my balcony.  If anyone knows how to do that, please share.  I absolutely love  these flowers as the first sign of spring.  I was woken up again by a small, black dog who seems to have telescopic legs 🤣. He stretched out on me and was perfectly happy being cuddled.  Then when I was watching the Mass, he leapt into my lap and stretched out for more cuddles.  He briefly moved to Don, lying on his lap, and generally was a stuffed pillow… The ...

I got my IV done this morning by my regular nurse. The drip worked quite well until I had about an hour to go when I noticed that my sweater sleeve was wet and the pump kept alarming that there was a kink in the line. I took off my sweater and saw that my arm was swollen. I started to freak, stopped the pump and called the agency. The evening nurse came, removed the IV and checked my arm. It's all good, the swelling is going down, and we'll reinsert the needle Friday. I'm sleepy all afternoon but I'll be fine. Jerry was too funny this afternoon. Both of us were on the phone making appointments, and Jerry ran from one to the other, carrying his toy and seemingly expecting that we were going out. He made sure that he guarded us so nobody could sneak off without him. He's assumed his position on the sofa, keeping an eye on me and a paw on Don, so if anyone moves, he'll leap into action! I was browsing my cookbook collection today and daydreaming some meals. My appe...

My oxygen machine was collected today and returned to the company. It's encouraging, as my breathing is good again-the humidity is done, so it's easier for me. However, as with every other mental issue, I'm reminding myself that I do not need it. Isn't it odd how your brain can play tricks on you? I'd prefer if my brain got me to be tall, slim, and fully healthy! How do I persuade it to regrow the organs I removed? But as long as I wake up and don't need a lot of treatment, I'm good.   Jerry has been making nests on my lap all day and he makes  himself very comfortable- He's having fun with his newest toy, and is carrying it in his mouth, looking for someone to throw it around. Last night, he packed himself into my knees and wouldn't move. He was comfortable, but I was less so. I can't move if he's napping because I won't disturb him. I know that I'm being silly but it's fine. He's happy, so we're happy. I got a call this ...