Learning and understanding

I used to enjoy watching "Columbo" for various reasons.  His most appealing gimmick was appearing to be a befuddled, crumpled, inept detective, who would always be fumbling with his many papers and notebook, and wanting to please his Sergent (a "stickler") but coming back and saying "Just one more thing..." before making a decisive explanation of how the crime was committed by the person who did it.  (It's a "howdunit" as opposed to a "whodunit")  Some of the entries here are "double takes" -- things which need an introduction, as opposed to being just one-liners.  Enjoy! Him: "Sorry, we were discussing some work, so I can't go for coffee right now." Her:  "Work? What do you mean, 'work'?  It's just my boss you're talking to, you can go for coffee... Oh, wait, um... "  Be aware that if everyone agrees on everything, something is wrong somewhere. We're too busy to complete

Ah... communication.  Something we all do everyday, so it's easy, right?  Well, here's what the people in Cubeyville have to say about that... I don't believe in doing active communication.  Communication in an organization doesn't need to be managed, it happens naturally and organically, so we don't need to plan or ensure that there are clear messages to be sent out.  Everyone just does it.  Why have a communications plan? It's not my job to communicate anything to anybody.  I don't need to tell anyone what I'm doing, it's my boss' job to pass on any relevant information about what I do to the rest of you.  Not that I let my boss know anything either. I'm not sharing my work output with any of you!  I'll quit before I hand over my work to anyone!  We've been working very hard to prepare this presentation on our project to tell everyone what this project is all about.  So we can get the buy-in and support of all the stak

Some days, I tell you, it just doesn't pay to respond to the comments you hear!  So I just write them down! :) You never said that we needed to write out a communication plan.  I know it says here that communications are a part of the project, but you didn't tell me that we had to write it down for it to be done! Well, yes, that was due last week, but I didn't work on it because I was off for 2 days this week, and you didn't tell me that I needed to complete it before I left at the end of last week.  I see that it was due last week, yes, but you didn't tell me that. I know that I was the one who was looking after getting this organized, but you didn't tell me that I was supposed to actually do anything about it.  Public opinion?  I don't really want to know what the public thinks.  We'll just do something and they'll like it. Yes, yes.  I know.  It's urgent, they need it last week.  Very nice.  Tell them I said to take t

I know, I know, I'm supposed to focus on life in Cubeyville.  But part of that is the stories people tell about their kids, so that's the segue!  Here's some of the (again, true!) words that have emerged from the mouths of my nieces, nephews, assorted godchildren, children of friends and the people who sit near me in church.  I can't help it if they're worth repeating.  Or if your minds go into places that they shouldn't.  Go wash them out with soap. :) "We're not friends anymore.  You might be my friend, but I'm not your friend." (age 4) "You didn't tell me enough nursery rhymes.  So I'm never ever your friend again." ( A rendition of "Old King Cole" and "Three Blind Mice" later ) "OK, now we're best friends forever." (age 5.) "Auntie, my penis is broken! You have to fix it! Look! Fix it!  It doesn't make any more pee, and I want to finish filling up the bowl like my

There's been a lot of attention lately (well, in the last few years) about food and food safety.  Health in general.  In keeping with that trend, here are the comments that I've heard from the people around me on food and the things that they put into their bodies.  (There's a couple that already grace these posts, so I won't repeat them) I've stopped eating processed foods. Now, all I eat are these packaged bran bars and instant oatmeal snack cakes. I don't eat bleached flour, white rice, white sugar or any of those unhealthy things any more.  I'm very concerned about my health.  Thanks, I'll have the extra large mocha latte with whipped cream, 2 sugars and a chocolate donut. I'll have the double bacon cheesebuger, large fries and a diet Pepsi.  Why?  There's too much sugar in the regular stuff, and I need to watch my weight, I'm going to the gym to try and lose a few pounds. "You really should switch over to these new he

  While working through the day, there are stories that emerge that frequently made me stop and shake my head in disbelief.  (As if the others weren't enough!) Yes, these are all true -- and the speakers were oblivious to the irony of their statements. It's good to know that the government has a process to deal with returned cheques.  At least they're not ALL complete idiots. OK, we've finally written the project charter and implementation plan for this multi-million dollar undertaking, and detailed all of the requirements, the scope, the deliverables and everything that we'll need to complete it.  Good job.  Now, what do we need to to get this project in place?  And what is it supposed to do? It's 1300hrs.  Yeah, I'm going to be late, a friend had an emergency.  I had to drive him to the airport; I know I said I would be there by 10, but I had to drive him, then I had to bring the car back to our house, then I had to come in by bus. I'm not

I had never heard of a "sump pump" until I moved to Ottawa... not something that formed part of my childhood education. Then I was told the classic excuse that headlines this section; and when someone told me that it wasn't possible, I said to myself "These Canadians are crazy" and continued with my life... but it had to go in here. I can't come in today, my sump pump is busted and I have to get it fixed -- otherwise my highrise penthouse apartment will flood. I meant to pay you back, but then I needed to get a new cellphone, and then I had to upgrade my computer, and well, now I need more time, you understand, right? I didn't mean to run over your foot, but I had to back out of the parking space so the plough could clean my spot! Oh, I just love Sweetarts™; I eat them like candy! I'm sorry I missed yesterday's meeting, I had to have a root canal done. I was on my way over to your house, when the car wouldn't start, and I had to

These are the "OMG you are such a bonehead" or "WTF!?!" or just plain Huh? reactions. I tried to sort them from the next category on plausibility... or reaction... or just because :) There was a fire in the boiler room? So... ummm, doesnt' that mean the smell is like, the remains of carbon monoxide? No wonder I feel sick and am going to die! Could you call a meeting of senior management to get them to approve the new governance, please? We need to get them to agree that in future all policy questions will go to the Policy Committee for review and approval, instead of to the Operations Committee. "A proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven." This computer-based program that we're developing is not IT-enabled, because we're using external resources to build it. I sent out the tweets to my peeps, and they know where and when to be. If y

These are a collection of my favourite simple stories / excuses and one-liners for getting out of things or justifying why ( or why not ) things were done. Included here are stories for the "just one little slice" and things that nobody really believes, but are too polite ( or don't care ) to comment about. I was just so busy that I didn't get around to calling you back for the last 4 years. Sorry, was so hard to wake up this morning, I was really comfy! Man, it's hard to get started when the clocks change! That hour less throws me off! ( In spring ) Geez, it's hard to remember the time, it's so dark when the alarm goes off, and the extra hour... nice to sleep in. ( In Fall ) Was that due today? Oh, sorry, you should have reminded me! I meant to do it, but when I got home, I was just wiped out... Men! ( My favourite! LOL ) Women! ( Just to balance it out... ) I'm going to go to the gym tomorrow, but first... Sorry I was late, I had

This is how Don would start some of his more outlandish stories "There was this little old man out in the snow, and he said..." following on from that would be something really silly. The ( real !) stories below are in that vein... I don't know whether the people were expecting to get away with what they were doing, but this is what they offered by way of explanation. You need to drain all the liquid in a can of beans and rinse them thoroughly before using, because the liquid is poisonous. I've only been doing this job for a year; I don't know how to do it. What do you mean, you need me to tell you how much it costs? I've only been running this for the last 18 months, I don't know what it costs! You haven't provided sufficient proof of competency in English to qualify. The last exam you took in English was in 1977, and although you have since obtained a Diploma, 2 Bachelors' Degrees, 2 Masters' Degrees and are a PhD candidate, all in