Learning and understanding

I had an appointment this morning at the hospital for my follow-up CT scan, which was scheduled for 7:45am.  Frankly, that’s earlier than my average arrival time at work back in the day… We had three tries to find a working vein for the IV, and a surprisingly painful injection.  May I whine that my hand is sore from the injection site?  I’d like to pretend to be all calm, cool and collected, but scans, even (especially?) routine scans, terrify me.  They have a gigantic question mark that hangs over my head while I wait for the results, and I try not to worry while I wait for the results.  Insh’allah, we will continue monitoring, so that we can go on with everyday life.  But the shadow of “what if” hangs over everything, and my best efforts can’t banish it to the outer darkness where there is weeping and grinding of teeth.  Sometimes I think that I’d like to know the future, so I can plan in more detail what I’d like to do, but most of the time I don’t want to know, because “ if ignoran

What an awesomely mild weekend this has been.  It was almost 10C on both days, which, for the end of November, is really quite warm.  Plus it was sunny, which just added to the beauty of the weekend.  The tiny dictator has been out enjoying the weather, barking at everyone and everything, and trying to get the attention of dogs that were up to a half-block away.  He’s waiting for Sam now, who promised to come take him out this evening.  He’s trying to separate me from my orange segments, because he’s of the view that I should share them!  Don is doing well, and is on the phone now trying to negotiate some Black Friday deals with various providers (my cell phone deal is great).  I slept a lot this weekend on both days and could have slept for several more hours.  I think that my holiday is catching up with me.  Or else I’ve probably overdone things more than I realized. I don’t think that I’ve done a lot, but people always seem to disagree with me on that point.   I’m working on my croc

This is a little dictator who is eyeing my cookie and plotting how to steal it.  He followed each bite to my mouth, and glared when it was held out of range.  I caved and he got a piece, before I got a flood of complaints about starving and teasing the little dog.  He pulled me again this morning when he was out, so I’m resting this evening.  Instead, he’s out with Sam, who he loves more than me… it’s true.  She was holding him this afternoon, and he was lying quietly in her arms.  I moved closer to him and he turned and gave me an evil eye.  When I took him, he gave me another evil eye and wriggled to try to get back to her.  We howled with laughter, because it was really funny to watch.  He was lying on my lap when she texted that she was on her way over, and I put on his harness… he then went to guard the door until she arrived, and he barked to let everyone know that she was taking him.  Spoiled puppy.  Don is doing well, no more lingering flu shot effects and making his usual wise

I had my “crack o’dawn” medical appointment this morning (there’s another one next Tuesday) and we went in for it.  The weather is surprisingly mild. It was definitely crisp this morning, and got warmer by this afternoon.  Jerry heard the alarm go off this morning, and interpreted that to mean that he was going somewhere, so he was sitting at full alert as we got dressed.  It’s hilarious to watch him as he sits at attention, with his little ears cocked and he’s tense and trembling until he sees his harness come out, and then again until we head to the door.  He then will dance and bounce until he gets into the hallway… I was amused that he took an apparent dislike to someone standing at a bus stop, and he barked at them from inside the car with the window up.  His little tail was wagging madly, so the barking was just for show… Don was the driver to the appointment and back; both of us are wiped out this evening since we’ve been awake from about 5am and didn’t get to sleep this afterno

I spent the day at my sister-friend’s house, just having a quiet meal and chatting.  It was lovely.  I took the little dictator out before I drove over, so he was very upset when I left them alone for a few hours.  He has been on my lap and nagging at me since I got home.  He had a great time scratching and jumping on me.  Don’s been good all day, feeling better and generally improving after his reaction to the flu shot.  I’m happy to see that.  Except for the tiny dictator trying to pull my arm off while he barked loudly at anything that moved — especially a female Rottweiler who would have tried to swallow him in one bite if I’d let him get much closer to her.  She was pretty aggressive. Major thank you to my awesome friend network.  I got a message this morning from one offering her house for a celebration event, which has resolved my concerns.  It’s so amazing to know that there’s so much support among my friends.  I also got a message from a school friend with a recipe for cupcake

It’s a little milder today than it was the last few days.  Jerry was able to be out a little longer without hopping on 2 legs so I felt a little less guilty about taking him out in the cold.  He spent a good 2 hours today lying on his back begging for petting.  He moved from Don to me and back again if he wasn’t getting the level of cuddles that he wanted.  On his evening walk he seemed to have gained about 50kg and grown extra legs… he refused to move when I wanted to walk on, and just seemed to grow on the spot.  😌 He was a little naughty, too, and pulled my shoulder, so that’s being nursed and rubbed with some vile-smelling ointment that does relieve the ache.  I’ve told him that he can’t do that if he wants to go out, and he just wagged his tiny stump and licked my hand.  Don had a reaction to his flu shot, and had nausea and a headache last night.  He’s feeling much better now, although he says that everything aches.  I hope that improves, because I don’t like it when he’s not we

Here I am in my job as a puppy chair and masseuse.  The little dictator had settled in for snuggles and was patting me on my tummy while trying to mooch some of my orange.  He’s a very persistent little puppy.  He’s always slept touching someone, either myself or Don, and he can’t get to sleep on his own.  During the day, he jumps on my lap and either guards me or curls into a ball or stretches for tummy rubs.  He was out again for his walk, and because he won’t wear boots I’ve been monitoring him to make sure that he doesn’t get too cold.  Don and I went for our flu shots this afternoon, which got sorted out in about 10 minutes.  Evidently, I need to go to my local pharmacy for vaccines, as they didn’t ask me anything about my age or anything, just gave me the shot.  It helps that they have my medical history, obviously!  Don was grousing that he doesn’t understand why he feels so unbalanced, as he has no apparent cause for it, but he’s definitely walking like an 82-year-old (it’s not

I tried to get Jerry to wear his coat this morning.  We got out with it, then he put his tiny head down and sulked.  Then this evening he flatly refused to get in.  I also had vain hopes of getting him into little boots, but that is still just a fantasy, not the real thing!  He still pulls off the first one when I’m putting on the second, and suddenly seems to have about a dozen feet.  The down side is that his feet get cold and he’ll hop on 2 feet so I pick him up and carry him.  I try my best to keep him from getting too cold, but he likes being outside and will pull hard  to stay out until he’s cold.  This is when I’m sorry that I don’t have a back yard for him to run about in!  Although he’d probably want a revolving door and his personal servant on standby for his multiple entries.  Don is OK today, and is currently catching up on his real murders addiction… I took a nap this afternoon since I could barely keep my eyes open.  Jerry complained at the door until I let him in, then h

Hurrah!  My balcony railings are installed with the glass, so now we’re just waiting for the safety inspection so the doors can be opened and we can use it again. No idea when that will happen, but it’s hopeful that it will be done before winter takes full control.  The tiny dictator got his walks today, never mind that there was a bit of a cutting wind and his little paws were so cold that he was trying to walk on 2 feet.  He refuses to wear his booties or jacket, so he shivers a lot and has to be carried home.  Then he cuddles under a blanket and puts his cold paws on whoever is sitting next to him.  (Usually Don, because I know what he’s been up to!). Don was feeling more like himself today, which is good.  We’re booked to get our flu shots on Monday, so he’s trying to be sure that he’s better before then 😂. I’m still trying to shake off my sluggishness from my trip, even though I sleep a lot I’m still tired. I think part of that is because I wake up during the night and take a cou

Alright, who turned off the heat and turned up the freezer wind?  The snow from yesterday has mostly melted, although there are chips of ice on the roadway.  The wind picked up at one point and pushed me more quickly than I expected, so it was clearly stronger than I’d thought.  The tiny monster enjoyed himself and was happily running and barking in the cold.  When I decided we’d had enough he pulled to stay out longer.  It’s really amazing how strong he can be when he plunks down his little paws.  Don was finding it chilly inside today, and still had some lingering pain in his legs, but is otherwise fine. I woke up this morning feeling tired and somewhat unsteady — I had to take my cane with me to walk Jerry.  I really needed it for a while, as Jerry was in fine form!  This afternoon I was out with my friend getting a head start on Christmas shopping, thanks to my other good friend who supplied me with a discount coupon to get me to spend money.  Gotta love my friends who are so good

I was woken up early this morning and told that I had to go out right now!  No delays!  And we headed out into a wintry scene.  It snowed last night, and a good part of today, so the trees were capped by fluffy snow, and on the ground it was up to my ankles.  Imagine my dismay to find that!  Jerry loved the snow and ran around in it, trying to pull me behind him on slippery surfaces.  I’m just going to put a small plug for my mukluks here — warm, soft and with nicely grippy soles to help me keep stable. Jerry romped around, barked at everything, and came home with his paws covered in snow.  Happy puppy, who then slept for a large part of the day.  Don wasn’t feeling great, complaining about a headache and an unsettled stomach.  Personally, I could sleep for a few days if allowed.  I went to bed very early last night, but I woke up during the night and couldn’t go back to sleep.  This morning I felt like I had sandpaper behind my eyes, and my legs felt like jello, so sleep was a much d

Honey, I’m home! I got in after midnight on Monday morning, and was met at the train station by my boys.  They had arrived before 11, and we were running a bit behind schedule, so they sat in the -5C surface parking lot waiting for me.  Thankfully the train staff are quite efficient, and the wheelchair was waiting at the door for me as soon as we pulled in, so no waiting around.  Full marks for Via Rail and their service.  It was comfortable and easy getting around.  Did I mention (I probably did a few times, but it’s important) it’s cheaper than flying.  The train ride was less than half the cost of a flight!  And when you count in the time spent in airports waiting in lines for security or bags, it’s a comparable duration.   My little guy, seen here, is trying to decide whether he’s sulking or loving me.  He sat on my lap on the way home and kept his back firmly turned to me.  When we got inside, he ran off to sit on Don and ignored me.  When I went to bed, though, he raced me down t

It got cold today… my lovely warm, mild autumnal vacation is ended on a cold and windy day, and we had some sleet/hail/wet misery falling from the sky when I was leaving the house.  My morning went as expected, with an invasion from the SP who did an inventory check of my jewelry (all present and accounted for; still too big to fit their little toddler arms… I’m worried what happens when they get big enough to have bracelets fit!!) and they ran their toys over the bed; luckily I’d already packed most things, so I avoided some problems.  I think they think that I’m off to see Uncle L, because Uncle Don is only on the phone!  I have received my Christmas orders from them, and I’ve warned my sister that my niece wants her very own “red lipstick, princess earrings and a Cinderella dress.”  The boys are hopefully looking forward to my return, with young Jerry probably planning to sulk while getting cuddles!!  I’ve texted Don to alert him that the menu options on the train are less than opti

It was chilly and overcast after yesterday’s rain today.  The forecast high was 8C but it felt colder.  I got to sleep quite late today, almost to 9am!  The benefits of weekend mornings, 😂 So I was able to have a leisurely chat with my boys before I was invaded by the SP who arrived bearing toys to drive over me.  Jerry was ignoring me again… soon I’ll be back home with him getting my snuggles!! We  went out to a celebratory brunch to mark my 10th anniversary of my diagnosis and first surgery, and the SP dressed to the nines!  She was Princess Tiana  (of The Princess and the Frog ) in a new green party dress, and he wore a green shirt and brown tie under a blue patterned cardigan.  Very stylish!  So we all tried to dress in greens, but I don’t have my full wardrobe with me, and the dressiest top I brought is pink, so I didn’t match the family colours.  Brunch was good, and the waitress provided some excellent suggestions so I got the best possible meal.  Then we drove to get chocolate

 I got to sleep in this morning.  That was due, in part, to the fact that the SP were awake until the wee sma’s disrupting everyone, so nobody moved until an hour later than usual.  There was no discernible cause for the lack of sleep, it was just one of those nights that happens mid-week when everyone needs to sleep.  My nephew was again at home, although his energy seems to be turned up to 10.  He seemed delighted that Auntie was available for climbing on and reading and tickling as needed.  My niece went off to daycare, and came home full of energy.  It was a wet, grey day, perfect for spending wrapped in a blanket with a hot drink close at hand and a book on your lap just soaking up the coziness.  My boys were also sleeping late — I called and had to be called back, since they never responded to the phone ringing!  Ottawa was unseasonably warm and dry today, so Jerry had a lovely time running around with his person.  Apparently he also met a friend yesterday, and was thrilled to se

Well, almost, anyway.  I was woken up this morning by the Small People, who were pushing at my door at what felt like the crack of dawn, carrying toys and climbing all over me.  I will admit to feeling tired today, as the last week is catching up to me and I fell asleep on myself a few times.  My nephew was home as he was diagnosed with pneumonia so he’s supposed to be resting.  He spent most of the day having me read to him, and smiling his lovely little smile as he planned some mischief or other.  My niece was at daycare, and on arrival home came to ensure that I was in my appointed place 😂 My boys are looking well and we had a nice chat this morning and a few short talks during the day.  We’ll talk before bed, of course. I’m still not adapted to the time change, and I looked at the time planning to call home and realized that it was later than I expected.  I’ll have to put a reminder in my calendar so I talk to my dad before he retires for the evening, which he tends to do at an un

I’m typing this while we’re cruising at 11,400m and we’re just west of Hamilton, Bermuda.  We saw a moonrise through the window (in my case, by craning my neck to see around the people in front of the starboard window) and it’s now dark, except for the navigation lights that are flashing on the wings.   Our check in and wait were painless — I was able to get a wheelchair quickly (thanks to my brother working at the airport, the guy who began pushing me, stayed with us until we got through security). We also got lounge access, so we were able to relax in a more comfortable area than the gate, We were seated really quickly for boarding, and happily we have an empty seat in the row, so we’re all alone and have a bit of room.  Win, win and win!  Jerry was studiously ignoring me when I called this morning, and I know I have a lot of work to do to make up for leaving him that long!!  Don was nice enough not to growl at me for waking him up  again  — I will adjust to the time change, I’m sure

It was a full family day today.  I started by talking to my boys as usual, and again woke up Don because the time change hasn’t registered fully yet.  Jerry is now actively trying to shut me off when I call, probably because he thinks it’s way past time for me to be back at home.  I’m half expecting that he’ll change the locks or move house before I get home! He’s perfectly capable of that, I think… I’ll definitely have to suck up when I’m back in Ottawa. We did a beach lime today; my brother, sisters, niece and I were all there.  It was overcast, which made it cooler than if the sun was beating down on us, but we were still coated in SPF50, because skin protection is cool.  They all went swimming, but the waves were too large for me to manage, leaving me the job of guarding our stuff while they cavorted in the water.  At one point, the sky turned black, the mountains disappeared from view and the heavens opened up and torrents poured down.  When it finally eased off about 30 minutes l

Today started off sunny and clear; a beautiful day.  I spoke with my boys, who are starting to count the days until I get home to them, although Jerry is not sure if he wants me back.  He just gives me a little schnauzer side eye and turns his back on me!  Don is looking well, although this morning I woke him out of a sound sleep… I’d forgotten that the clocks went back on the weekend, so it was still very early there while I was thinking that I needed to get a start on my day here!   I did the presentation to the school’s cancer club.  My brother drove, and we went into the AV room at the school.  I was having moments of reminiscing about my time there, and it was somewhat of a shock to see the “new” building that had gone up in my last year there as being weathered and obviously well used!  The new building is in another area of the school, which has grown quite a bit since my friends and I were students!  Anyway, I spoke briefly about my own cancer experience, then focussed on what

A late and short entry tonight.  I spoke with my boys a few times today, just to keep them updated on my plans and activities; it was a very busy day that started early.  I got a text from a friend at 5:30 saying that she was on the first flight over from Tobago at 7:00, so she would be coming to visit.  She made a slight detour, because she forgot the address I gave her, and went to my dad’s house, where he sent her on to me.  It was fabulous to see her; it’s been about 4 years since we last met, and it had been 5+ years before that!  It was such a lovely, although far too short time.  Then later, another friend dropped by, after also making a detour to Daddy!  It seemed that everyone was heading there first.  This friend I haven’t seen in over 20 years, although at one time we were part of an almost inseparable group of friends as teens.  He and his wife visited, bringing along their 5-year old daughter.  I was surprised and happy to meet her, as I thought (and said to  my friend) th