Learning and understanding

January weather continues, and while I’m not its biggest fan, I’m even less  a fan of traditional February weather!  In the past 25 years, it was a standing joke that a condition of my continued employment was a month in the Caribbean.  😝  The first time I stayed here in February was also the first time I experienced -50 temperatures, with windchills close to -60!  I vowed that never again would I do that!  I did fairly well until the pandemic, then, well, all bets were off.  I think I need a Star Trek- like transporter so I can be in Trinidad, soaking up sun, warmth and many hugs instead of here with the sad grey skies… Jerry is hiding out with Don right now and has spent the afternoon on his lap instead of mine.  I’m admittedly jealous as usually I’m the dog-bed-du-choix!  Don’s going into withdrawal, as one of his sports is coming to an end.  There were FIVE games on today!  FIVE!!!  Men just morph into a couch and don’t mo...

Yesterday underlined why I can’t return to work on a full time basis.  I had several home visits from different people, starting at 9, and ending shortly after 3.  So I woke up early so I’d be alert for the first one, then I got a call from one of my service providers, and so on until the last one.  I did have some breaks, but not long enough for me to take a nap and so by 4pm I was exhausted and couldn’t keep my eyes open.  I slept until 10 this morning, and I’d probably have slept longer but for Jerry’s demands.  He’s spent all day today with me, and hasn’t left me for long until now when he’s on Don’s shoulder.  I have a puppy-shaped dent on my lap from him.  Don also had a slow day, as his pain persists and he’s walking like an old man… He had a decent rest, and is up eating now.  Apparently there’s hockey later, and I’ll be banished because I’m apparently a jinx on his team; in reality, I’m not interested, so I don’t cheer loudly — this is a ...

Presented for your consideration… A tiny monster surveilling my lunch!  (Slice of chicken, mushroom and bacon pizza)  He just kept trying to nose closer to steal it, thinking that I wouldn’t notice.  He was unsuccessful, but remains optimistic of stealing food from my plate if I ever let him.  He then would jump up on my lap and block my view of the TV while I was watching a TV movie!  I pushed him off, he just bounced back up, settled with his back to me and then stretched out, put up his front paws for me to rub his tummy and wriggled around.  Don had a poor night as he took one of his meds (that keeps him awake) a little late so his sleep wasn’t great.  On the other hand, I slept for about 11 hours and struggled to get up.  Having done that, I was still a bit slow, and I felt somewhat irritated for no reason.  It’s something that happens occasionally when I’ve been overtired or stressed, and right now I’m thinking that it’s the after effec...

I seem to have lost a day somewhere… I was doing some things on the weekend that led to a minor setback with pain and exhaustion and it’s a day later than I expected.  I slept all afternoon today, and only recently woke up because I hadn’t eaten and I felt a little weak.  Somewhat frustrating, but there you are… stuff happens.  Jerry was not pleased with me, since I locked him out of the bedroom today while I slept; he is of the opinion that I can’t sleep without a small dog on my tummy or tucked under my arm or curled behind my legs.  Don was surprised that I was so wiped, but kept Jerry quiet so I could rest.    He’s planning some mischief, and I know enough to not ask too many questions!  Jerry has just stolen the blanket off Don’s lap, and is looking very proud of himself, eyeing everyone from his little heap! It’s Carnival at home now; the first since the pandemic with no restrictions.  I’ve never been enthusiastic about the crowds and the no...

It’s warming up a bit, so we’re almost at the freezing point; I woke up this morning to a white world — it was a brief moment of whiteout.  It started out being very cold: -27C, and is warming up throughout the day. It’s been snowing again for most of the evening, and tomorrow will be another cold day, then a thaw… freeze, thaw, freeze, slip slide, cold and wet… Nothing in this is encouraging me to go outside for any length of time, so I am cocooning extensively, with a small black dog who is often stretched out on my lap (tummy, chest, feet) with his tiny arms uplifted for petting.  Don is the alternate position for Jerry, and he’s getting bored since all his sports are on a break this week.  I joked that he’ll be forced to watch my shows instead, so he’s trying to keep himself busy (rather than have to watch fantasy or cozy mysteries 😂) My tummy is settling down, finally.  I was able to eat some solids yesterday and today, and they stayed in, although I did still ...

It was chilly and overcast after yesterday’s rain today.  The forecast high was 8C but it felt colder.  I got to sleep quite late today, almost to 9am!  The benefits of weekend mornings, 😂 So I was able to have a leisurely chat with my boys before I was invaded by the SP who arrived bearing toys to drive over me.  Jerry was ignoring me again… soon I’ll be back home with him getting my snuggles!! We  went out to a celebratory brunch to mark my 10th anniversary of my diagnosis and first surgery, and the SP dressed to the nines!  She was Princess Tiana  (of The Princess and the Frog ) in a new green party dress, and he wore a green shirt and brown tie under a blue patterned cardigan.  Very stylish!  So we all tried to dress in greens, but I don’t have my full wardrobe with me, and the dressiest top I brought is pink, so I didn’t match the family colours.  Brunch was good, and the waitress provided some excellent suggestions so I got the be...

I’ve been struggling a little with staying awake today.  I have some difficulty staying awake and I’m often easily asleep when I should be awake!  It’s sad, really, buy I am not trying to leave leftovers on my plate,  I’m trying to stay awake, but there’s a considerable issue staying awake as time goes on.  I do manage to stay asleep, so that’s probably  a good sign?I’m certain that it will improve soon…. One friend talks about the steps to keeps going, so we’re weave got a couple of days to see how it improves, so we’ll try our best!  (If all fails, that scene is already shot!)  Jerry is busy trying to throw my iPad off my lap… we’ll have to be who wins, Don is trying to sneak the last of the Cheetos without me seeing… no comment! When I was a child, preparing for my First Holy Communion (so age 6 or 7) I remember one day being herded  guided by our teachers to church and instructed to kneel, hold my hands in the prayer position and ask forgivene...

I’m remarkably sleepy, so this will be brief.  I spoke with my oncologist today, and we agreed to delay my treatment until the Fall while I get some time for my body to recover.  That was a brutal  few days, and we agreed that we weren’t going to use that drug again, and we’d start one of the other options that are available.  The thing is that even though I’m recovering fairly quickly, my body still needs some time.  I have found that I’m still having some problems remembering things and I still have tremors when I’m tired.  So that needs to clear up some more.  Both Don and I are feeling a little under the weather today, so I hope that we’re both better tomorrow.  Jerry has been his usual adorable little self as he keeps us both company.  I can’t have him on my lap too long because I’m a little worried about the IV tubes interacting with his curiosity.  He’s instead happily curled up on Don’s lap, looking at me with his tiny teddy-bear...

 I went out to lunch with one of my friends today, so I used the opportunity to dress up a little.  We went to a Chinese place that I’ve seen, but never gone to, in the East end of Ottawa.  We had dim sum, and it seems that several of the items were hand made, not ordered in!  Lovely.  (Unless they’ve found a place that mass produces them so they look  handmade). We also stopped for some Italian pastries… I won’t say any more.  Suffice it to say that I’m pleasantly full, and I have goodies in the fridge.  Unsurprisingly, I had a sulky puppy on my return home.  He’s started a new thing of howling when I leave the apartment.  I went downstairs this morning to pick up the newspaper (yes, I still get physical papers delivered!) and he howled like a melancholy abandoned dog until I came back up 4 minutes later!  He even had a treat before I left, and Don was home!  I don’t know why he’s acting like that.  He spent a good part o...

It was a sunny but chilly day today.  The sun looked lovely, but dreadfully misleading, as it provided precisely no warmth as the wind tried to slice bits off you.  I was outdoors on the balcony for a few moments only, and was happy to return to my OfDon  cloak and warm up!  Jerry is burrowed into a blanket, so I can’t tell which end is which for him, and he’ll extricate himself at bedtime or if I start nibbling something. Don is quietly sipping on his tea — no taste issues there! — and watching sports.  It’s that time of year where sports occupy most of his attention. I’d forgotten two things: after radiation treatment, I lose my sense of taste for a while, which makes food taste like cardboard; most irritating.  And I’m also finding that even my tea has no flavour.  I can smell the Earl Grey, but all I taste is heat.  Food — even my luscious curry — is just a mishmash of textures, no real flavour.  I’m glad that I ate the first lot...

It was another rainy day today where Jerry couldn’t be allowed out to romp in the mud.  For myself, my back was in agony such that breathing was a definite challenge.  I will be heading to bed soon, as I wait for the meds to take effect.  That is not my idea of fun, but I’ll manage.  Jerry is lying on the sofa and eyeing me every few minutes looking for an excuse to jump on my lap.  Don is relaxing on the sofa, and they’re both happy right now. I’m thinking more about Holy Week and the events that happened then.  But I was thinking about a number of things.  It’s clear that Judas’ departure precipitated a series of events, and also that Jesus knew what was happening.  He said to Judas, “What you are going to do, do quickly.”  So he obviously knew what was being considered.  Does that mean that he went along with the whole idea?  Does it mean that He had a hand in it? That seems wrong on several levels, but if He aided Judas, then…...

Today's Jerry Chronicles cover his total domination of my lap. I had my weekly visit from my lay minister this morning, and that's the only time that I didn't have my lap occupied by Jerry-and right now, as he's moved over to interrupt Don's  watching of sports. He makes himself  very comfortable, sprawling across laps, and snoring! His ears go up if he hears bread being sliced, and he'll stand guard at the fridge, just to remind me that he's there. When I don't feel well, he comes into the bathroom with me, and runs off to get Don if I start to vomit. Such a good little nurse! I know that I talk about him a lot, but he's such a loveable companion! His 6th birthday is tomorrow-I'm amazed at how much time has flown since Dan brought home the spunky, fist- sized puppy in the middle of an ice storm! That's all for now. I'm tired still, and I'm annoyed with myself for it. It's not my fault, I know. I need rest, and my body is still re...

I had a late start today. I woke up very late, and it was a bit rough. My sleep was interrupted, but it was one of those mornings. I was a bit sluggish, to say the least. It's one of these mornings! I had several waves of nausea, and had to take a couple of my anti-emetics. Not fun. I had Jerry napping on me for a lot of the afternoon-he just makes himself very comfy and kicks me with his little jackrabbit kicks. He's right now "attacking" Don, playing tug o' war with him! He's pretend growling and nibbling on his  sleeve. Being a very silly little dog. He already tried (and failed) to mooch any of my dinner bao, so he transferred his attention to Don to persuade him to share his meal. Today marks 9 years since my first surgery. It's 9 years of living without my left kidney-and a 30-lb tumour. I'm glad that's gone, although I'd prefer to have kept my kidney.  obviously. I remember so many  details of that day, it's almost unreal. I can reca...

Oof! I needed to lie down for a minute while my back was having spasms-and wound up asleep for 4 hours ! Apparently I was really tired! And I'm cracking my jaws now, so it's likely that I'll sleep easily tonight. Jerry was giving me his schnauzer eyes a moment ago trying to mooch part of my  scrambled egg. He was very disappointed that he didn't get any, although he was hoping for leftovers. My doctor has given me a prescription for "Ensure" so I'd have my nutrients, even if my appetite remains small. I expect the delivery tomorrow, so that should help. I think that it's past time to end daylight savings time. It really serves no useful purpose any longer. I mean, a hundred years ago, it might have had a raison d‘erred, but now..-not at all. Taking advantage of extra daylight hours is less of an incentive than it was, now that we effectively run in a 24/7 environment. The accidents that occur with the time change are practically a reason in themselves....

  Still dealing with that annoying pain in my back. I've been pausing in my activities every 10 - I5 minutes to sit and rest before I resumed what I was doing. I cooked some sweet-and-sour pork tonight, pausing twice. It's very annoying to me. I had a lot of difficulty falling asleep last night. I finally did around 2:30am, and I woke up at 8:30. Exhausting and annoying! Jerry spent as much time as he could curled up in my lap. He hopped up early this morning, got evicted for a minute, then  crawled back up. Any chance he got, he returned to my lap and just settled in! I don't know if I mentioned that he's dreadfully spoilt and bossy? Because he is! And he's so sweet and loving, so I just spend time scratching behind his ears, patting his tummy and being snuggled. We had a chat this afternoon, full of nostalgia. Don was reminiscing about summers when he was a boy, and he and his friends would hitch-hike the 10 km from his home town to  a nearby lake several times a ...

My nurse arrived early today, and put me in bed jail; sort of. She said that I need to rest, and I can't do anything, and I have to take a nap this afternoon. <sigh> That was because I am in a lot of pain today, and she's not happy with my available meds. I had to call the doctors, leave a message, and say that I needed a new prescription. <sigh> again.. I'll follow her instructions and rest, so that might be good. Another early night is in order. I hope that things improve tomorrow. As for the meds-I currently . have a choice between heavy-duty painkiller narcotics, and Tylenol regular, and she thinks that an anti-inflammatory might be a better choice. I don't know. I'm not crazy about more meds, but relief is desirable! Unfortunately, because of my pain, Jerry was banished from my lap today. I expect to be served with a lawsuit for cruel treatment of a Schnoodle any day now! He was locked in the other room during the nurse's visit, and voiced his d...

I slept very well last night, thanks in part to some pills. I'm not crazy about them, but they help. I remember when they were first proposed I objected to them and was refusing to take them. But my friend Valerie talked sense and got me to understand that taking the meds when I needed them was better than sticking to my idea of avoiding extra pills and not taking them- Since then, I take the extras when I need them and I can often stop them after a few days. Much better than suffering for days and being a nuisance to others because I'm tired and cranky! I'm again a dog bed today. This morning, Jerry climbed into my lap over my protests and curled up to be petted. Then I had my radiation planning appointment at the hospital, and since we got home he's been snoring in my lap and snuggling affectionately on me. If I get up to go to the bathroom, he shadows me! He's apparently decided that I need lots of extra affection and attention . If he spots another dog, he banks...

Today I woke myself up at 8:30 instead of 11:15. It meant that I needed to be awake earlier than I had been all week. It was a little difficult, but I stayed in an upright position for a few hours. However, I did have serious difficulty staying awake. My challenge was with my ability to keep my eyes open. It's quite difficult. Even worse now that they are playing baseball (more!) and football (snooze!) I'll wait for a bit until I hear some snores, and change the channel... Shh! Don't tell Don! Jerry has been in a cuddling mood all day. It's good, since he's not hyper-active, but it does mean that he wants available lap space that's open for napping. It's all good and fun! But I probably will need a few hours of empty VCR tape to record his cuteness... He's a dreadful ham, although he likes to ignore the camera and will refuse to do anything if he knows that he's being recorded. My eldest goddaughter describes him as "using all his ear muscles to...

My lay minister was here this morning at 11 so I received Holy Communion, and we prayed for a bit.  Shh! Don't tell anyone, but I slept all afternoon. I apparently needed the rest, because I dropped off "as soon as my head touched the pillow" and I didn't stir for a solid 3 hours! And the other reason for secrecy is that I didn't eat. I wasn't at all hungry, until after I woke up this evening. Then I had tea and grilled cheese.. I also, for reasons I don't understand, had a few episodes of nausea, which deterred me from eating more. Here's hoping that stops tonight so I can focus on being healthy! The tiny dictator spent part of the morning cuddling me and patting my tummy... when I made a phone call, he sat at attention and then curled up again on my lap. This evening, he took a flying jump onto my tummy and refused to get off. He's now in a heap with a blanket and sleeping with one eye fixed on me. He stayed on me while I spoke with my dad and th...

Status unchanged today. The heat continues to be oppressive a'nd muggy with high humidity, so it's very uncomfortable. I have developed a lot more empathy for Don, who suffers from COPD and my other friends who are asthmatic. I now better understand how they suffer in the humidity and in pollen season. It's remarkably difficult to take a breath, smell a smell, sniff a sniff... (bonus points if anyone identifies the source for that line! Helga, Joanne, Giselle, Heidi, Therese, Alana? 🤪) The weather also bolsters some negativity. I'm amazed at how often I find myself slipping into a depressive state lately, often tied to an episode of gasping for air. I am tempted to cancel any non- critical medical appointments and avoid phone calls from unknown numbers, Perhaps thankfully, my friends are all identifiable when they call, and they also tend to avoid unknown callers. They're also good at leaving pertinent voicemails and sending texts and emails, so I don't- miss a...