“Together we aspire…”

The national motto of Trinidad and Tobago is “Together we aspire, together we achieve.”  (And in my primary school days, we would finish with a chant of “that’s why God made bread and cheese!” just to prove that we knew how to rhyme!)    Disclosure:  I’ve been trying to write this for about a month, now, but each time it emerged from me in a way that did not make me happy, so it sat.  I hope that this version says what is needed.

I’m reminded of this because of a slew of really hateful messages that have been filling my email and social media feeds lately.  I’m not going to replicate any of them; I think that oblivion is what they deserve.  But it did make me wonder – why have we become so hate-filled and hateful?  What is the source of all the fear and rage?

I was at a session recently where we discussed diversity, and someone said something that made lights go on and bells ring (not the alarm system!)  What she said was: “The diversity people aren’t included.”  In that one sentence lay the explanation in perfect clarity.

Now, please, put down your pitchforks and light sabres, and don’t pick them up again until after you’ve heard me out, OK?  Thanks!

We’ve been bending ourselves into delightful contortions to be “inclusive.”  We make a big deal of saying “All are welcome” and hanging rainbow flags, dancing and eating salsa, and trying to outdo each other in becoming examples of tolerance.   We point out that we’re a tolerant society.  We politely look away when someone does something odd, and shout that they shouldn’t be excluded because they’re strange… up until that strangeness is in our own area.But then, once we realise that the “exotic other” has different needs, our backs go up.  “Either you should fit in, or stay where you came from!” we huff.  “Those people shouldn’t try to change us!”

So when someone says “The diversity people aren’t included,” it says that we’re still thinking of the “exotic other,” whose presence must be tolerated, lest we’re seen to be petty, small-minded and unkind.  We’re “us” and “them”; and “they” aren’t like “us” but we should be tolerant.

Instead of flinging insults at one another because someone has a different viewpoint, try to remember that the other person also has thoughts and feelings.  Especially when their opinion is the opposite of yours.  Shame is powerful, and the effects are not easy to erase.  And please, please, be kind.  Your first reaction should NOT be “Oh, they did this because they hate me.”  Nor should it be “They are trying to exclude me.”

Plato wrote about it in his Republic in the Allegory of the Cave, some 2400 years ago.  Our perceptions become our reality, and until we are made aware that there is more than we can see, we cling to what we know.  What then to do?

Well, in addition to having “the diversity people” (who are “anyone not like you”) as a separate group, try to include them in your activities.  Widen your circle of friends to include someone who is not part of the “old club” – you don’t have to invite them to everything, but ensure that they know that they are welcome.

And for my fellow “diversity people” – the challenge will be to remove the goggles that seek out exclusion and hurt.  Yes, there are horrible people in the world, but as I’ve said before, they are not ALL the people in the world.  The vast majority are good, decent and kind.  Yes, there are systems in place that exclude the different – but that is not an excuse to add to them.

Remember – the things that we do together far outstrip any of our individual accomplishments.  Be willing to help each other to accomplish more.

Besides, bread and cheese together is a lot more interesting than either alone! (It’s the basis for pizza, after all!)