I am woman
Some years ago, the wife of a friend of mine met my group of friends and said, "How did you meet so many strong women? I've never seen so many in one place!" It surprised me, because I'd never met any woman who wasn't, by definition, strong. The women that I knew, and all the ones in my life, had all been good examples to me. This started with my own family. My grandmother raised 3 daughters after being widowed at 38 in a time when women weren't encouraged to work outside of the home. My great-grandmother helped foster many children apart from her own 9. My paternal grandmother raised 11 children. My aunt raised a large family working a low-wage job. Another aunt went to work as a typist to help support the family. My mother was one of the first non-white employees in an organization where she stayed for almost 40 years. The list goes on.
When I moved to Canada, the other women that I met were equally strong. Some had left war zones to start new lives in a country where they didn't speak the language. Others had participated in political activities, arranging protests and accomplishing change. All of them sought out jobs, dealt with prejudice, fought against systemic barriers, acted as mentors and worked to support each other.
Here's the thing, though. There are a lot of women, and men, who think that 'strong' and 'loud and obnoxious' are synonymous. All of the women that I've met who have done all the things I've listed, never go around shouting that they deserve access or howling about being offended. They simply went after what they wanted directly, quietly and persistently. The others tend to scream about oppression, discrimination and exclusion, push to gain access, then slam the door behind them to exclude others who they don't deem worthy.
I said to someone recently that when I was a girl, Wonder Woman was a huge idol. There really weren't too many heroes for young girls when I was growing up. My friend rolled his eyes and said that I was being ridiculous. Movies always included the bookish nerd -- like me -- but she always had a makeover to be a sexpot. That was not me. I wore glasses, I was fat, and there was no way that a new hairdo and a short skirt would turn me into a model. I found resources for myself, and I avoided the body trap. Not all girls are so lucky.
Again, we're all in this together -- we succeed together or fail as a group. Teach your daughters, nieces, sisters that they are entitled to success. Teach them that they have a right to advance. Teach them to speak against wrongdoing. But in all that, teach them to support one another. Teach them also that actions speak louder than words, and it's important to have a consistent message. For instance, sexualizing toddlers and young children leads us to the situation where we're dealing with sexting and bullying as they get older. Pressuring young girls to get into relationships early and stressing impossible beauty standards leads to unhappiness.
So please, teach the children well. Women and girls, support each other to be the best that you can be. And while you're at it, support the men also. We all do better when we have each other's backs. Together we are strong, we are invincible, we are human.
When I moved to Canada, the other women that I met were equally strong. Some had left war zones to start new lives in a country where they didn't speak the language. Others had participated in political activities, arranging protests and accomplishing change. All of them sought out jobs, dealt with prejudice, fought against systemic barriers, acted as mentors and worked to support each other.
Here's the thing, though. There are a lot of women, and men, who think that 'strong' and 'loud and obnoxious' are synonymous. All of the women that I've met who have done all the things I've listed, never go around shouting that they deserve access or howling about being offended. They simply went after what they wanted directly, quietly and persistently. The others tend to scream about oppression, discrimination and exclusion, push to gain access, then slam the door behind them to exclude others who they don't deem worthy.
I said to someone recently that when I was a girl, Wonder Woman was a huge idol. There really weren't too many heroes for young girls when I was growing up. My friend rolled his eyes and said that I was being ridiculous. Movies always included the bookish nerd -- like me -- but she always had a makeover to be a sexpot. That was not me. I wore glasses, I was fat, and there was no way that a new hairdo and a short skirt would turn me into a model. I found resources for myself, and I avoided the body trap. Not all girls are so lucky.
Again, we're all in this together -- we succeed together or fail as a group. Teach your daughters, nieces, sisters that they are entitled to success. Teach them that they have a right to advance. Teach them to speak against wrongdoing. But in all that, teach them to support one another. Teach them also that actions speak louder than words, and it's important to have a consistent message. For instance, sexualizing toddlers and young children leads us to the situation where we're dealing with sexting and bullying as they get older. Pressuring young girls to get into relationships early and stressing impossible beauty standards leads to unhappiness.
So please, teach the children well. Women and girls, support each other to be the best that you can be. And while you're at it, support the men also. We all do better when we have each other's backs. Together we are strong, we are invincible, we are human.
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