Guard each one’s dignity
Anyone have a nickname? My younger brother gave everyone in the family nicknames when we were kids. I hated mine, and protested, but brothers being brats (in Bosnian, anyway) he persisted and it stuck — so much so, that some of his friends have only ever heard me called by it and don’t know my actual name. Nicknames are given to us to provide a sense of belonging; they’re an “in” message, shared only with members of a community. Although I initially resented mine, it’s now a sign of affection. Pet names are like that, and we use them with people we love. There are very few people who do not have a pet name, even if it’s something as common as “dearest” or “honey.” Names matter. It’s how we are identified, and what makes us simultaneously an individual and a member of a family.
We also use names as shortcuts to describe people. We can pull out a label and apply it to someone and it assigns all sorts of characteristics. I used to joke that my name was used as a swear word by some coworkers, because I was strict about project deadlines, and I would sometimes hear my name being muttered unflatteringly. On one occasion, a new employee was being introduced to the team, and on meeting me she said, “Oh, you’re THE Sonja!” (This then became a running gag in the group.). With one friend, we were called sexy and useful (I was useful) because of a boss who had a strange sense of humour.
The downside of using labels is that it can keep us from getting to know people well. It’s all too easy to simply refer to someone by their label and think that it fully encapsulates them. Then, too, we use a label repeatedly, and when challenged say something like, “Oh, they don’t mind! It’s all in good fun.” Except it isn’t. The person on the receiving end may not have the power to reject the label and it burns them. It makes them less than human to the ones applying the label. If we are privileged enough to not have to hide part of ourselves to avoid the labels, then we should work hard to protect others. There are so many battles ongoing now to see others as fully human. Ensuring equity for women and girls. Ending slavery. Recognizing rights for LGBTQ+ persons. Full participation in society for people with disabilities. Given that, there are so many activities to support the dignity of humans, widening the net of personhood to include those who are not exactly like us. The names that we use for people have the potential for bringing us closer or dividing us.
What we can do is to take the time to actually know others and look beyond the labels. Although it’s really easy to dismiss someone as their label, they are more than that. We need to recognize people as individuals and respect them. It’s a mark of our humanity to see the personhood of others and to accept those who are not like us. They may not dress like us, or worship the same gods, or speak the same language or eat the same foods, but they are also fully human. I recommend, yet again, reaching out to those who are different and learning more about them. Then we can use nicknames for each other that make us family!
We also use names as shortcuts to describe people. We can pull out a label and apply it to someone and it assigns all sorts of characteristics. I used to joke that my name was used as a swear word by some coworkers, because I was strict about project deadlines, and I would sometimes hear my name being muttered unflatteringly. On one occasion, a new employee was being introduced to the team, and on meeting me she said, “Oh, you’re THE Sonja!” (This then became a running gag in the group.). With one friend, we were called sexy and useful (I was useful) because of a boss who had a strange sense of humour.
The downside of using labels is that it can keep us from getting to know people well. It’s all too easy to simply refer to someone by their label and think that it fully encapsulates them. Then, too, we use a label repeatedly, and when challenged say something like, “Oh, they don’t mind! It’s all in good fun.” Except it isn’t. The person on the receiving end may not have the power to reject the label and it burns them. It makes them less than human to the ones applying the label. If we are privileged enough to not have to hide part of ourselves to avoid the labels, then we should work hard to protect others. There are so many battles ongoing now to see others as fully human. Ensuring equity for women and girls. Ending slavery. Recognizing rights for LGBTQ+ persons. Full participation in society for people with disabilities. Given that, there are so many activities to support the dignity of humans, widening the net of personhood to include those who are not exactly like us. The names that we use for people have the potential for bringing us closer or dividing us.
What we can do is to take the time to actually know others and look beyond the labels. Although it’s really easy to dismiss someone as their label, they are more than that. We need to recognize people as individuals and respect them. It’s a mark of our humanity to see the personhood of others and to accept those who are not like us. They may not dress like us, or worship the same gods, or speak the same language or eat the same foods, but they are also fully human. I recommend, yet again, reaching out to those who are different and learning more about them. Then we can use nicknames for each other that make us family!
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