Dreaming of bigger things

Every year at this time I remind myself of how much has developed, and what has changed. Yes, it’s a new year, but it’s also the anniversary of my arrival in Canada.  This year marks 22 years that I’ve been living here.  I long ago passed the point where I had worked longer in Canada than in Trinidad; I’ve passed the point where my adult life has been mostly spent here, and in another 8 years I will have lived here for fully half of my life.

A year ago, I was negotiating with my oncologist my early release from chemotherapy treatment.  (He did let me out a bit earlier) so you know that this year I’m happy not to be there.  We are in lockdown again (because people are selfish and think that the rules don’t apply to them) with the threat of curfew, so this year we won’t be celebrating in restaurants or doing much with others.  I am trying out a few new recipes, because I think that we should mark the event somehow!  This year is special for another reason - it’s the first time that I’m spending 2 consecutive winters in Canada, instead of being in Trinidad! (Not all special things are worth celebrating.)

It’s inevitable that you change over time.  As much as we joke about never growing up, never aging, we do, and our thinking has to change too.  I realized that my thinking changed over the past 22 years, and I began to identify the effect that Canada had on me.  I’ve spoken about the way that culture shapes us, and how being able to adapt to situations can be the difference between a stress-filled and a fulfilling life. I’d like to think that I am adaptable to many conditions!

I’m thankful for the many experiences over the past 22 years.  As I’ve written before, some were painful, some were wonderful and some were necessary.  I was raised in a sheltered, comfortable environment, where I was protected from a lot of harsh things.  I’m very thankful for that, and for having a loving, supportive family.  As a teenager, I was involved extensively with activities in church, which helped build my awareness of social issues and reinforced my commitment to strong communities.  On my arrival in Canada I tried connecting with the community by getting involved first with the church and then with the Trinidad diaspora, both of which helped me acclimate to a new country. The odd thing is that neither one was what I’d left but it was enough to stabilize my life.  Moving countries, without direct support, was definitely one of the more difficult things I’ve done.    It was certainly the craziest... 

I have made a life here.  Perhaps I chose the more difficult path, by relocating to Ottawa instead of staying in the Toronto/Hamilton region with the majority of the diaspora.  I know that my trips home are longer because I have that extra connection, and all my relatives are a 4+ hour drive away. But I like Ottawa, except in the depth of winter.  (Let’s be honest!  The winter can be brutal!) My friends are here, along with my adoptive family.  I like visiting Toronto, but the traffic is insane. I spent 20 years with a commute of a 15-minute walk as compared to hours sitting in traffic. I’ve met so many different and wonderful people, who would not have been part of my life otherwise.  

Here’s to 22 years of growing up and all the learning and change that requires.  And let’s lift a glass to the future, as yet undiscovered but full of promise.  I sincerely hope that next year we can celebrate in person, where we can laugh at the changing world around us.