The unbeatable foe
This is not about cancer or illness. It’s something else that is insidious, though.
I was having lunch with some girlfriends recently, and we were pleasantly surprised to find how similar our teen years were despite the fact that we were all from countries thousands of miles apart with no obvious links. We all grew up having crushes on rock stars; being obsessed with fashion and all specialized in science at school. We also had moments when we were “different” from the rest of the crowd. What we shared was the times when we were in groups where size — specifically weight and measurements — were the important things. Sad, isn’t it, that women around the world are taught that their worth relates to their looks?
It seems that women around the world all share moments of insecurity about our bodies. It’s not made any easier when we’re going through sanctioned hatred. One thing that is in common for all of us are “women’s” magazines, which feature the same articles in every issue:
I was having lunch with some girlfriends recently, and we were pleasantly surprised to find how similar our teen years were despite the fact that we were all from countries thousands of miles apart with no obvious links. We all grew up having crushes on rock stars; being obsessed with fashion and all specialized in science at school. We also had moments when we were “different” from the rest of the crowd. What we shared was the times when we were in groups where size — specifically weight and measurements — were the important things. Sad, isn’t it, that women around the world are taught that their worth relates to their looks?
It seems that women around the world all share moments of insecurity about our bodies. It’s not made any easier when we’re going through sanctioned hatred. One thing that is in common for all of us are “women’s” magazines, which feature the same articles in every issue:
- How to lose weight;
- How to get, keep and break up with a man;
- How to change your looks;
- How to balance career and family;
- How to not be superwoman;
- How to love yourself as you are.
It’s ridiculous how many ads run encouraging women to lose weight, to get into smaller and smaller dress sizes, and then to try for preposterous body standards... a quick search on YouTube will show images of women all vying for unhealthy bodies in a quest for beauty. No, I don’t think that all skinny women are unhealthy, but there are many women and young girls who try to achieve body shapes that aren’t natural for them. What’s worse, are the ones who shame others for not meeting the standards. When I was in high school, one of these girls wrote in my autograph book, “May you never know the sensation of being slim and weightless.” (Emphasis in the original.). My friends told of hiding their weight from others, because they were embarrassed at not weighing 100lbs — even though they were taller than the average, or because their shapes weren’t perfect hourglasses.
Add to that, there are so many “women’s retreats” and women-focussed groups that preach the importance of self-care and self-awareness. I attended one where a speaker handed out a list of 100 items that women “should use to validate and improve their lives.” The speaker went on to say that it was not possible to do all 100 items, but that we should try to accomplish as many as possible... right after discussing how important it was not to overwhelm ourselves with impossible goals!
There are recent reports that girls as young as 6 years old are wanting to diet, because they think they’re fat. Add to that, the rise in eating disorders in young women because they want a thigh gap or a concave stomach, and it becomes clearer that this is unhealthy in the extreme. Look on almost any social media platform, and there are nasty comments about women who aren’t model-thin. I’m ashamed to know that most of the men and boys that I know are more focussed on looks than on personality, and they often communicate that to young girls with comments like, “you should do something with your hair,” or “I’d do her!” Or referring to larger women as ‘cows’ or ‘whales.’
Advertisers, promoters and often speakers enable the self-loathing. They are more concerned about profit than the real effect of their work — they prey on our insecurities to keep us wanting more. They promise us an improved life, better self esteem, better jobs, perfect families...
We are at the mercy of the advertisers when we believe that fulfilment is not to be had in the present but in the future. They exploit our dissatisfaction with life as it is. The promise they hold out to us – that we can be fulfilled in the future – is a false promise. That's how they can continue year after year, generation after generation. No one was ever fulfilled in the future; if we refuse to live in the present, we are refusing to live, and no product will ever remedy that.
It’s taken us many years to learn to love ourselves as we are. To ignore the comments about our less than perfect figures. To dress the bodies we have, not the ones in the magazines. Yet even now, we have our insecurities, when we look in the mirror and see the flaws in our figures. That’s when our friends support us and pull us back.
Add to that, there are so many “women’s retreats” and women-focussed groups that preach the importance of self-care and self-awareness. I attended one where a speaker handed out a list of 100 items that women “should use to validate and improve their lives.” The speaker went on to say that it was not possible to do all 100 items, but that we should try to accomplish as many as possible... right after discussing how important it was not to overwhelm ourselves with impossible goals!
There are recent reports that girls as young as 6 years old are wanting to diet, because they think they’re fat. Add to that, the rise in eating disorders in young women because they want a thigh gap or a concave stomach, and it becomes clearer that this is unhealthy in the extreme. Look on almost any social media platform, and there are nasty comments about women who aren’t model-thin. I’m ashamed to know that most of the men and boys that I know are more focussed on looks than on personality, and they often communicate that to young girls with comments like, “you should do something with your hair,” or “I’d do her!” Or referring to larger women as ‘cows’ or ‘whales.’
Advertisers, promoters and often speakers enable the self-loathing. They are more concerned about profit than the real effect of their work — they prey on our insecurities to keep us wanting more. They promise us an improved life, better self esteem, better jobs, perfect families...
We are at the mercy of the advertisers when we believe that fulfilment is not to be had in the present but in the future. They exploit our dissatisfaction with life as it is. The promise they hold out to us – that we can be fulfilled in the future – is a false promise. That's how they can continue year after year, generation after generation. No one was ever fulfilled in the future; if we refuse to live in the present, we are refusing to live, and no product will ever remedy that.
It’s taken us many years to learn to love ourselves as we are. To ignore the comments about our less than perfect figures. To dress the bodies we have, not the ones in the magazines. Yet even now, we have our insecurities, when we look in the mirror and see the flaws in our figures. That’s when our friends support us and pull us back.
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