The whole year through
It’s the last week of the year, when the newspapers and news programs recap, in an endless loop, the happenings of the past 12 months. So I thought that I would do the same.
I started off the year halfway through a course of chemotherapy. I finished a dose a few days before Christmas, close enough that I couldn’t eat on the day. I was able to attend cooking classes before Christmas - they were great, but I would have enjoyed them more if I could have tasted the food, though. My first treatment of January was the second week, and I almost decided that it would be my last, because I felt so dreadfully unwell. My test results showed that my system was having a hard time recuperating from the treatment (which required that I be in the hospital to receive the drugs for 8 hours a day for 5 days consecutively, then a break of 2 weeks during which I received at-home nursing care). I talked to my doctor about ending treatment, realizing that I could be choosing to die. In consultation with the oncologist, we agreed to modify the treatment regime so that I received the necessary dose over a longer period, which was less harsh on my body. What kept me going was my planned trip home - I chose to make the trip after chemotherapy so I could recover out of the cold. Imagine, therefore, my disappointment when the covid19 virus erupted across the globe and had to cancel my trip!
That was, honestly, the worst part of the year for me. I understood, and still do, the concern behind my family’s push that I not travel, but it was devastating to me. It was challenging enough finding my balance point after my difficult treatment, but having my trip - a vital part of my mental health- ripped away was a brutal blow to me. Those initial weeks were difficult because of the high levels of uncertainty everywhere. Was this as deadly as the media said? What could we do to stay safe? How did it spread? How long would this last? All I knew definitely was that given the beating my immune system had just received I needed to avoid people like the plague... (although this year, we learnt that people don’t actively avoid the plague, but go out in search of it!) So from early March to mid-May I never set foot in a supermarket, and the day I did go was due to a sudden water outage at my building which meant that I needed bottled water. I admit that I was petrified of running into a sick person... this was in the early days of wearing masks, when they weren’t required yet. I was in and out in under 30 minutes, back home and sanitized quickly (I was able to grab a couple of bottles, which were back in stock, but limited to 2 per customer). Before that, and several times since, a dear friend would pick up my groceries when he did his shopping
Because I’ve lived with a compromised immune system for several years now, most of the restrictions were not difficult to manage. I missed the opportunities to get together with my friends, something that I usually did two or three times a week. My cooking classes have been suspended since March- I was registered for 3 sessions in late spring, but they didn’t happen. I also had to cancel my birthday party; my retirement party; a planned trip to Montreal to celebrate my oldest sister’s birthday and a planned trip to Europe to visit friends. Friends had to cancel their wedding. My aunt and niece weren’t able to join us for the summer, and I haven’t been able to see my Toronto connections in over a year. It’s a long list of cancellations and postponements. Then in late July there was a flood in my apartment, wrecking the floors and requiring major repairs. Added to that, another session of radiation treatment to try to reduce a new tumour in late October. Truly a year full of challenges.
If I stayed focused on these, I’d be horribly depressed and ready to join the chorus of negativity that is far too loud these days. In addition to all of the hurdles of the past year, there are some positive things. In January, on a very icy night, I joined a dear friend to celebrate a milestone birthday, just when she shared that she had got a new job. Luckily it was in the time between treatments, so I was able to join the festivities. We had a wonderful Chinese New Year dim sum with a mix of old and new friends, including one who had arrived from Vancouver to join us, and one from China who shared traditions. I spent Valentine’s Day with some friends watching the play The Neverending Story and met a Facebook friend who was in Ottawa for a weekend. Leap Day, that once-in-4-years day, was another wintry, blustery day, which was a lovely dinner with a friend. There were lunches with friends and colleagues who I hadn’t seen in months. My retirement was finalized, as covered here.
The highlight of the summer was when a friend invited me to join her family for a few days on one of the Thousand Islands. It was truly the most wonderful time this year in an absolutely beautiful setting. Even with the seemingly endless restrictions, we were able to celebrate birthdays by video conference, with friends and family who would otherwise not be able to join us. I was delighted to share my birthday call with my US cousins, and my dad was able to be toasted by all of us who aren’t home, including his sister who lives in Florida. I’ve got a new nephew, and a couple of new adoptive babies from friends. Even the flooded apartment turned into a blessing, as my insurance covered the replacement of the floors and provided accommodations at the Hilton hotel for 3 weeks. (I’m still unpacking boxes, 6 weeks after we moved back home) Jerry loved all of the attention he got from the staff at the hotel and sleeping in a much bigger bed (King sized, instead of Queen) Plus, one dear friend broke the glad news that she’s been hired into a permanent, full time job, and another has sweetened my breakfasts! Oh, and because everything was shut for so long, I didn’t spend as much as usual, so I saved quite a bit! There’s richness, literally! 😁 Best of all, though, my most recent scan (done at the end of November) shows that my condition is stable, and an intervention in early December has provided significant pain relief. Much better news than a year ago!
I think that the memories that will remain with me are the relationships and connections that deepened this year. I wasn’t able to see my friends in person, but we have kept in contact by technology. I know that the people who kept in touch made my day brighter. We’ve worked through several ups and downs but we know that we can reach out to one another and find support. What a blessing! Even more surprising (to me, anyway) is that I was able to make some new friends from different countries, and to maintain some others of longer standing. I’m also blessed that after 10 months in the house seeing the same faces we’re still happy to see each other every day. There’s more to anticipate in the months ahead, too. There are 2 approved vaccines with at least 2 more possible, and vaccinations have started, bringing travelling closer. I’m looking forward to the borders of Trinidad and Tobago reopening, and then other trips! I’ve also learned not to take things for granted; I always assumed that I could travel when I wanted, but this year has caused me to reassess plans and better appreciate the privilege of flying home on short notice. My dad reminded me that when he was a student in the UK, it meant a journey of 5 days (or more) by sea. 50 years before that, it was a 2-week trip. Now, it’s a 5-hour flight, which is easier... but not so much when borders are shut.
For the year ahead, I offer this prayer:
Happy 2021!
Lovely! Lots to be grateful for - even in the miniscule of things
ReplyDeleteLove your attitude and yes, there is always an opportunity to see a silver lining. Happy 2021!
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