Try to bridge the emptiness

 Everyone join in... “This year is SO different!  2020 is just THE WORST.”

It’s true that this year has been challenging. Since March, when it became clear that the “virus from Wuhan” was a bigger issue than it seemed at first.  We, all of us, at first thought, “It’s another flu, it’s no big deal.”  But as time passed, it became clear that this was not just the flu, and the effects would be more serious than we expected.  When news of the lockdown broke, people began (do you remember?) to hoard toilet paper!  by the case!  Then they started selling the excess at usurious prices.  They went out and emptied shelves of cleaning products, rice, flour, paper towels, bleach, hand sanitizer and, perhaps surprisingly, beer and chips. We adjusted to limited interactions with others.  We changed, profoundly, our daily activities. 

I remember looking at empty streets during the first shutdown. Where rush hour meant gridlock, there was no traffic. There were very few people outside- granted, it was in the middle of one of the classic cold snaps that make up an Ottawa winter- but still, there was an emptiness to the streets and parks (and hefty fines for being in the park!). I’m still surprised now, 9 months later, when I see or hear an airplane.  The contrails that used to streak the early morning skies haven’t been seen often.  The few people that I encountered while walking the little dog stayed away - one woman going so far as to cross the street rather than risk passing near.  I also remember one man who ostentatiously held his breath as he passed others. 

At the outset, people were extra careful about respecting the 2m distance. They spaced out in the few stores that were open, and seemed to take the extra step to protect themselves. It was a couple of months before levels of toilet paper/paper towels/hand sanitizer/bleach/disinfectant wipes returned to normal. It was also astounding how quickly baking products (flour, yeast, baking powder) disappeared. At one point, I was getting offers of yeast (normally $4.95) for over $15!  It seems that it didn’t take long before the less altruistic side of people began to seep out. First was the raising of prices, and attempts at gouging. Then the selfish behaviour of those who said, bluntly, “I’m in good health, and I don’t really care if some sick people die.” Followed by the ones who capitalized on the fear and uncertainty to promote and share baseless stories and to attack anyone who didn’t subscribe to their thinking. I haven’t had “sheeple” screamed or written at me as much as this year, nor have I heard people speak with such earnestness about obvious nonsense.  The floods of misinformation, conspiracies, bad behaviour and selfish actions were horrendous. My inbox was filled with all sorts of rubbish, some of which would have been hilarious if people weren’t trying to convince me and others that it was true. I began to despair of humanity.  I had friends who were heavily involved in proving some of the theories, and others who were absorbing every publication from organizations that pushed crazy ideas.  It didn’t take long before the cruelty of people came out. One of the nurses who came to take care of me arrived in tears one morning, because the previous patient went on a racist rant about Asians who were destroying the country. It took a while for them to calm down, but I felt their anger and sadness. More and more people shared stories of their conflicts- race based, economic, health and other issues. There are people who dismissed the restrictions and went on with their lives, arranging parties, shopping and laughing at people like me whose immune systems are weak.  I’ve only seen my friends via a computer screen since March, because I want to protect myself.

On the other hand, there have been massive outpourings of kindness and support. In the middle of the sadness of elderly people being alone in hospital or in facilities, there were people who mobilized others to write card and letters.  There were nurses who used their personal phones to let patients talk to their families. There were people who went out of their way to check on people living alone, or who were unable to get out themselves, and did their shopping, helped provide meals and gave them a hand. Myself, I was touched by a friend who refused to have me risk exposure and who undertook to do my grocery shopping and would provide me with frozen meals regularly.  There was another who would arrange to deliver meals from time to time, and those who would check in regularly. As always, I prefer to focus on the kindness, because I have the choice. There are people who did extra to care for their elderly parents, doing their shopping and preparing meals. 

This year has tested us, some much more than others. I feel the pain of those who have lost jobs, businesses and dreams. The ones who have been stranded far from home for months. Those who have lost family and friends. Those who are separated from their loved ones because of the pandemic. It’s agonizing seeing all of this and realizing that I can do nothing to alleviate the pain. But as one of my lovely, wise friends pointed out, each of us can do something within our ability. So I write and mail cards to people I don’t know, in the hope that it helps cheer up someone. I call and check on people so they know that they aren’t alone. I give what I can to organizations to help feed and care for others. And I pray that there will be an end to this, that there will be comfort when needed.  It’s not enough, I know, but it’s what I can do.  I hope that we will be able to look back on this time and realize that it was the start of a better society, where people and relationships are a priority over the rat race. Where we use our capabilities to support each other instead of tearing down, and where we realize that we can care for each other and the earth and it doesn’t mean sacrificing everything to earn more money.