Dreams you’d like to sell

 It’s 2 AM and I’m lying awake after having being jolted awake by nightmares and I’m waiting for the pain in my back to stop throbbing so I can get back to sleep. What better to do then update you guys?

Get well balloon

I’m looking at this beautiful, cheerful balloon that arrived yesterday, and it’s a great mood booster.  I hope that you enjoy it  It’s from my dear friend and her beautiful, exuberant baby girl who are among the many who light up my days  I also want to thank everyone who has helped keep my dad and my aunt from worrying too much. It’s a relief to know that he’s not able to find ways to spin into darkness. I call them every day; not that it’s unusual for me to speak with them, but it helps knowing that others are reinforcing my messages that I’m slowly improving and I’m eager to get back on a flight and fly home again!  (Yay for vaccines and the end of the pandemic). Yes I will be travelling. This is not a discussion item. My medical team has its priorities set. 

They are trying to get me up and moving more often so I have more regular physiotherapist time.  The more regular pushing means that there is a lot more pain involved and I am a lot more inclined to just fall asleep halfway through a sentence.  The relentless cheerfulness of PT staff is astonishing, and would make very effective weaponry if bottled correctly... I’ll take a 5% residual on that idea, thanks, since I’m going to be helping with the tests! 🤣😂🤪. In principle, I agree that the movement is a fine thing, and I grudgingly admit that it is gradually improving, but I’ll maintain my right to protest against it.  They suggested that I sit up in the chair for 30 minutes and I could do another 30 minutes later. I agreed with that, feeling that sitting up like an adult while I ate my meal would be marvellous!  As it happened, I remained sitting for about 90 minutes (busy period while things were nuts) and I was crying from pain by the time that I was rolled back into bed. I was not especially cooperative when they later rolled out the chair and suggested that I sit for dinner and Don’s visit. They tried telling me that it’s for my own good that they will try to “encourage me to overcome my obstacles” but I should never be pushed into pain. (Claim exhibit #1, m’lud.) I had, of course, to request help to use the bathroom, and sitting upright so far remains my attempt at the Matterhorn so there was more pain until I could roll back into bed. THEN they want me to do more hourly exercises and stretching and... “encouraging” but I should not be in pain.  (M’lud, claim #2). Why then, do I feel inadequate that I can’t just get in and out of a chair instead of accepting that I just had major back surgery and it hasn’t been a full week yet? (M'lud, claimant submits that she is suffering from cruel treatment and asks for relief!)

My ward is in neurosurgical oncology, a branch of medicine of which I had previously never heard.  In fact, there are so many areas of which I was unaware and I feel hopelessly inadequate when I contemplate that.  It amazes me even further that there are people who work daily and anonymously to relieve suffering and seek cures for all the many demons in the dark.  As I said, it’s about 3am now, when all the dark things are out trying to gain ascendancy on all that is bright and good. I’ll have to come back to this another time when my pain is reduced and my thinking is clearer. But this is something that is going through my mind. 

We are, collectively, a tiny scrape of a fleck of life on the surface of an insignificant dot of a plant circling an undistinguished, anonymous sun. There are more forces aligned to wipe us out of existence than there are boosting us into life. We have managed to chart a life that is - by an objective measure- successful. We continue to thrive, we grow, we care for each other and we combine our intellect into fighting things determined to kill us. Scaling down, I am here because of many millions of people who decided that treatment of disease was the right thing to do. They tried to find ways to keep me alive, and restore my unworthy self to the life and love of my family who are vital to me.  They gave up sleep, parties, vacations... so that right now I could be moping about the inconvenience of relearning to walk. Shouldn’t we be working to help them restore health to really important people?  Could we focus on ensuring that real medical science continues to be supported and the forces that want to wipe us out are pushed further into submission?  And while we’re at it, that I’m not required to eat hospital food too often?  Wishing you a wonderful day, with cheery images and many loving smiles!