Normal

It was a “normal, seasonal” day today; warm but not muggy, with a pleasant breeze and mostly comfortable.  After last night’s thunderstorm, it was cool and refreshing, but it didn’t last loo long.  It was quite comfortable sitting outside last night after the storm, where we enjoyed breathing in the rain smell.  The little monster was happy to guard our feet on the balcony until we came in, and then he settled in to pet my tummy when we finally went to bed.  He just stretches out on me, an will use his paw to pat me.  It’s so hilarious to watch, it’s as if he thinks I need to be settled down.  Sometimes my tummy makes noises, which startles him, but then he pats me again.  He’s been stuck to me since I had that off day on Monday, and spends less time with Don in general.  He’s adjusted this afternoon, and he’s lying on Don’s legs now.  He was running around with his toy for us to throw, then he got bored and settled in for a cuddle.  Don slept more comfortably last night as it was cooler and much less humid, and today he’s been messaging some of his friends with whom he hasn’t spoken for a while, and I’m getting updates occasionally.  Sports will be resuming soon, but I have a few nights free!  

I’m happy to report that since Monday’s situation I’m doing much better.  My taste continues to improve, and I do feel hungry, although my serving sizes are still minute.  I’ve been working with the timer on my phone to eat every 2 hours; honestly, I’ll often drink an Ensure, but I’m working on getting calories / nutrition in regularly.  My support worker is due later this evening than usual, but we’ll be doing some cooking so I’ll have meals for the rest of the week, and hopefully some frozen.  I’ve found that my energy doesn’t fully extend to cooking meals / preparing vegetables, etc.  I can do one, then I need to rest before even considering the other.  Part of me is craving some homemade bread, but that’s a serious undertaking!  I’ll try this weekend, and just let the helper handle cleanup.

I think that I’ve become heavily Canadianized.  It’s a neutral observation, but it seems that many of my views now diverge from traditional Caribbean/Trinbagonian ones.  These are mostly very liberal opinions that have been integrated into my psyche, and I’m stunned, and sometimes horrified, at how very different they are “back home.”  I realize that I’ve held some of them all my life, while some of the others I’ve adopted in the past <mumble> years that I’ve been here.  In my late teens when I was heavily influenced by certain viewpoints, I was fairly hardline conservative; you know the kind — bring back the death penalty, women should be more involved with community / caring than business, etc.  Then I met Fr. Leo, who (as I’ve mentioned before) has been a massive influence on my life.  He lived and preached that kindness and compassion were essential, and that’s how we should approach and treat others, especially those with whom we disagreed.  In the almost 40 years that I’ve known him, I’ve never heard him speak a cruel or negative word against anyone, and he always tried to find something positive about even the unkindest or most bigoted individuals.  I remember complaining to him about someone who was treating people unfairly, and how angry I was at them, and he listened, then asked about the person… I couldn’t answer any of his questions, and he pointed out that I may have met them on a bad day, or that they needed some understanding.  I’m always trying to live up to the example of Fr. Leo, and I maintain my old rule that if I can’t confess to him something I’ve done, I won’t do it.  Even though he’s deteriorating mentally, he’s still my lodestar.  

Exposure to  people who come from a variety of backgrounds caused me to reassess my thinking on many things.  Dealing with people who see human rights as important, and not an impediment to being allowed to abuse others, definitely changes thinking.  I no longer believe in the death penalty, in part because there are so many cases that emerge where a conviction was wrongly obtained and therefore someone lost their life needlessly.  I’ve changed my thinking on abortion from “it’s absolutely wrong except in very limited circumstances,” to “it’s a decision between the woman and her medical team.”  I’ve never accepted the “men are the superior sex and should be in charge of everything,” viewpoint, nor that “women are the weaker, less intelligent sex.” All of this to say that I know that my thinking has changed over the years, and will probably change further in the future.  Meanwhile, though, I’m trying to appreciate the philosophy in the Caribbean on social issues, which is now trending towards the opposite of my own beliefs.  I still love the attitude of welcoming and warmth, the casual regard towards stress, the willingness to celebrate and the sense of humour that prevails.  I don’t like the parochial, narrow-minded attitudes, nor the casual disregard for women that still exists.  I mean, things like police refusing to intervene in domestic violence issues (that’s husband and wife business) or blaming women for societal ills, excusing men for killing their partners for leaving; men taking no responsibility for their children, women who have multiple children for different fathers, the homophobia that still persists, and so on.  Those I’d like to see disappear!  

OK, my worker has just texted that she’s making her way to me, so I’ll sign off and go prep the kitchen for us to make dinner.  I’ll let you know how it goes!  The little dog is on high alert, waiting for her… she usually comes around 4, and he’s been searching for her since then 😆 I don’t know who taught him to tell time, or when he learnt it!  But he’s very observant.  Good night!