Do that again and I'll smack you...

These are the "OMG you are such a bonehead" or "WTF!?!" or just plain Huh? reactions. I tried to sort them from the next category on plausibility... or reaction... or just because :)

There was a fire in the boiler room? So... ummm, doesnt' that mean the smell is like, the remains of carbon monoxide? No wonder I feel sick and am going to die!

Could you call a meeting of senior management to get them to approve the new governance, please? We need to get them to agree that in future all policy questions will go to the Policy Committee for review and approval, instead of to the Operations Committee.

"A proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven."

This computer-based program that we're developing is not IT-enabled, because we're using external resources to build it.

I sent out the tweets to my peeps, and they know where and when to be. If you didn't get it, you don't got it.

So we decided to move, and packed EVERYTHING in the house... I mean everything. It was perfection in packing. Then we hit the snag -- the old house was vacated 3 days before we could take possession of the new one, we had to move into a hotel, and then I had to make this trip to Winnipeg. Wouldn't you know it, they had 15cm of snow at the beginning of October. My 4 winter coats are all on a truck between houses, and all I have is a light jacket. So, no, officer, I'm not insane, but that does explain why I'm standing here, on the locks wearing a feather boa and a suit coat in a snowstorm. Never again do I agree to move house!

Well, I didn't lie, exactly... I said to my girlfriend that I would stop talking to that other girl just so she'd stop making a big fuss, and I didn't talk to her again... and adding her to my Facebook account isn't talking, is it?

Well, honey, I did say that I was out looking at new clothes, and if a couple happened to jump into my bag... well, ummm... yes, now that you mention it, I do have a few winter coats, but they're all long ones...

You have to help me... I forwarded on the email that you sent me where you said that there might be a complication to the client, and now they want to know what it is and how to deal with it... Yes, I KNOW that was boneheaded of me, so how do I fix it?

We can't pay you because the invoice doesn't have a date stamp on it.

I can't come in to work tomorrow because there's porn on my computer.

I got the email that you sent about setting up the weekly meeting with the list of attendees.  Could we set up a meeting to discuss, please?  I just want to be clear on how often the meetings need to be, and who needs to attend.

Thanks for letting me know that you won't be in tomorrow, and for sending in the list of things you need me to follow-up on in your absence.  Was there anything I had to do for you while you're away?

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