The dog ate my homework

These are a collection of my favourite simple stories / excuses and one-liners for getting out of things or justifying why (or why not) things were done. Included here are stories for the "just one little slice" and things that nobody really believes, but are too polite (or don't care) to comment about.
I was just so busy that I didn't get around to calling you back for the last 4 years.

Sorry, was so hard to wake up this morning, I was really comfy!

Man, it's hard to get started when the clocks change! That hour less throws me off! (In spring)

Geez, it's hard to remember the time, it's so dark when the alarm goes off, and the extra hour... nice to sleep in. (In Fall)

Was that due today? Oh, sorry, you should have reminded me!

I meant to do it, but when I got home, I was just wiped out...

Men! (My favourite! LOL)

Women! (Just to balance it out... )

I'm going to go to the gym tomorrow, but first...

Sorry I was late, I had to put money in the parking meter, and I was looking for some change

I couldn't find your office, so I didn't drop by

I forgot what I was going to say when I called, so I hung up, then I couldn't remember the number I just dialled, so I couldn't call you back.

I meant to send you an invitation to lunch, honestly, but I ran out of time, so that's why you didn't hear about it until after it happened.

I wasn't briefed... and when you were sitting in my office telling me about it, I was actually paying more attention to my email than to what you were saying, so I have no idea what you said.

I am so paperless, I never go anywhere with a printed copy... what is everyone talking about?

I thought you meant this Tim Horton's, and I was here 15 minutes waiting for you! (insert name of any chain or length of time)

I don't normally drink, but last week was so tough that I had a few, and they went straight to my head.

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