Repentance and Reconciliation
When we have hurt or offended someone, we need to ask their forgiveness. Sometimes, the only thing that’s required is a sincere apology but if the offense is great, we may need to do more in order to reconcile the relationship. Both repentance and reconciliation are necessary steps in healing the hurt caused by the offense. Call on your honest friend again, and undertake a review of yourself to find the wrongs that you have done.
Honest repentance means that we are first aware of our failing and that we have a sincere desire to correct it and not repeat it. What is the failing that you have committed? Buddhism identifies that there are 10 negative karmas that are often the basis for all wrongdoing, including killing, theft, lying, deceit, spreading hatred, craving, adultery, “dissembling speech that is untruthfully florid”, false view and doing harm.
Once we have identified our failing, the next thing to do is to admit it. Out loud. In person. This is frequently the hardest part – saying to someone that you were the one who caused them harm, and ask for their forgiveness. There is an element of shame in repentance which is not intended to be crippling; instead, it should motivate you to improve.
Reconciliation is the second half of the process of correcting a failure or sin. In this stage, we work actively to repair the harm that was done (return a stolen item, pay for damages, repair a slandered reputation) and show penance by undertaking work that helps reverse the effects of the offense. The penance is a way of showing your sincerity for the harm that you have caused. It is not required that the penance be showy or flashy, but it must be sincere. When you do this, too, be sure that you also pardon others who have hurt you, which frees you to seek forgiveness for hurt that you have caused.
It is a good and necessary thing to identify where, when and how we have hurt others and to fix those hurts. It can happen that the person we’ve hurt does not want to, or is not able to, forgive the hurt. We’ll talk about forgiveness another time, but their lack of forgiveness does not absolve you of the need to make reparations. For your own sanity, your own salvation, your own freedom, you must acknowledge the wrongs that you have committed, and seek to repair them. When you repent, and you seek reconciliation, you also seek to remove the bitterness, hatred, anger and resentment that destroy your peace.
Comments
Post a Comment