St Jean Baptiste

It’s the feast of St. John the Baptist, also Quebec National Fete. When I was working, it was always a holiday leading to 2 holidays in a week, since Canada Day is next Saturday.  This year, there’s a fire ban, so no fireworks are allowed anywhere on the Quebec side this weekend, as the risk of fire is still quite high.  Summer heat has settled in, and I’m struggling with the humidity.  I feel stifled, like I can’t take a full breath.  Annoying, and energy sapping!  Jerry is in one of his playful moods today, and has been hopping from one lap to the other all afternoon.  He was trying to mooch some of my spaghetti and (chicken) meatballs, unsuccessfully, and sat at my feet looking at me reproachfully while I ate.  He’s of the view that dog food is not for him, and will eat it at me, looking at me mournfully while he chews as loudly as he can.  The heat is also challenging for Don, as he’s flagging and very low in energy.  We’re both drinking lots of chilled drinks for the last few days, just to keep hydrated.  We both fell asleep this afternoon, which I’m calling a siesta, a great invention from my Spanish ancestors!

Yesterday and the day before my tummy was feeling off, and I had to take my anti-nausea meds.  I’m blaming the heat for that, as several of my friends reported similar sentiments, and since we haven’t shared meals lately, it’s more likely to be environmental.  Besides which, the heat can be surprisingly debilitating.  I’ve also noticed, to my horror, that my hair is falling out!  I was told that hair loss on this drug was not one of the main effects, but a review of the really long pages of notes, it remarks that hair “thinning” and change in colour and texture are likely.  I realized it particularly yesterday, when we washed my hair and I ran my hand through my hair and saw several strands coming out.  It’s the fourth time I’ve experienced this in the past 6 years, but it’s still distressing.  My wigs are still all ready for use if needed, so I don’t need to walk around looking like an egg.

I’m suffering mild pangs of envy as several of my friends are planning various trips this summer.  I’m happy for them, as I know that some haven’t travelled in a long time, but I’d love to do more travel than I’ve done in the past few years.  I feel a sense of frustration since I can’t move around as easily as I’d like to, and things like long walks are out of reach for me.  Travelling as a wheelchair passenger, while it’s great and lets me get through airports/train stations so I can do stuff is a benefit, but the longer the trip, the more painful it becomes for me.  I was looking at some package deals, thinking how much I’d like to join them, but having to acknowledge that it would be beyond my capacity.  Feeling sorry for myself doesn’t help, I know, but there are moments…  I’m happy that I can join my other sister with the small people for short visits, but I know that I create work for them and I feel guilty that I can’t do more.  I’ve also watched one friend who has a severe leg injury but who refuses to acknowledge it and who will walk and do things until their leg swells up and they limp for several days.  I don’t want to make myself a nuisance by overexertion, but sometimes I think that I baby myself too much and perhaps I should push myself harder to accomplish tasks.

Don’t mind me, I’m just in a minor self-pitying mode, triggered by my vanity (loss of hair) and wishing that I could join my friends on trips and thinking unkind things about disease.  Jerry is now shredding a paper towel, so I’d better get to sorting that out before he makes a dreadful mess.  Good night!