Recovering

This is a photo of my “guardian” who is determined that I cannot escape or have time away from the tiny monster puppy who is more vigilant of a guard than the sensors on my phones.  Hear that?  I’m better monitored than the putative spy surveillance that comes with my covid vaccine.  🙄. That being said, my boys have gone out for the day, and will be home later.  I stayed home, waiting for nurse #4 to try to insert my IV.  Finally accomplished, so I got it inserted, then I got a call from the hospital to come in tomorrow morning to get my PICC line inserted.  (I had DM’d my oncologist yesterday, asking for his help to see if I could get the PICC appointment this week.  Then I sent a DM to say that I’d got the appointment for this week,  Clearly his ninja fu is strong!)  The IV will be removed, the PICC will go in, and I won’t need an IV again!!  As I said to my uncle yesterday, I have things to do, people to annoy and places to be.  My current focus is recovering enough to be able to do things in a reasonable manner again.  My nurse, when he saw me yesterday said that I’d lost weight.  I wasn’t measured on the way out of the hospital, but this morning I climbed onto my scale and realized that I’d lost 35lbs since I was in hospital.  My weight when I went into the hospital chemo was (actually) 36lbs more than I weighed today.  That really doesn’t make me happy.  Yes, I’ll be eating pretty much anything that I can consume in an effort to stabilize myself.  

I know that there are a number of things that affect my plans.  I’d like to pretend that I’m perfectly healthy and that my plans are excessive but possible.  In reality, I’m aware of my limitations and restrictions and I plan around them.  I mean, I’d LOVE to go on the Great Wall of China, but since walking the 10m from my front door to my bedroom means that I need to lie down for 20 minutes, I don’t think that’s a likely goal.  It’s somewhat frustrating but since I’m here to complain, I’ll take it.  

My niece is preparing to make her confirmation this Sunday evening.  I’m remembering my own confirmation, which is now some 40 years ago! 😊. It really doesn’t seem that long ago, but the calendar is not a liar (not really). We talked a bit about what I did and her experience, which is very different, because of covid.  My class was all in person, there were no such things as cell phones, and my friends were a tight-knit group who were closely bonded.  Hers was mostly online, with many virtual sessions, and they have spent maybe 3 hours together in person.  She’s looking forward to the day, and has asked me if I’ve ever regretted being a Catholic. One of the biggest differences between us, is that my class was before the news broke about the horrific news of the abuse scandal in the church.  There was no hint of that when I was learning about the Sacrament.  But I had a number of questions, and explored various other religions.  For me, by the time we got to the end of the classes, I was clear about answering, “I have decided to follow Christ in the Catholic Church.”  The various exposés that have shocked everyone since have not made me reconsider.  It might be naïveté, but to me, the teachings hold up.  There are all sorts of twists, turns and abuses, but I find clarity and comfort in the teachings of the Church.  I’d said that that the next option would have been to convert to Buddhism, but evaluation was that it was too nihilistic for me.  It’s my own evaluation, not a judgement, but for me, Catholicism was my choice.  (Second, Buddhist, then Hinduism, then Judaism, if anyone is interested.). I don’t remember the specifics of my analysis as undertaken by my 14-year-old self, but the ranking hasn’t changed much in the last 40 years.  I’m fortunate to have been born into the post-Vatican II era, as it better suits my way of thinking.  More ecumenism, less isolationism, openness to differences.  It’s not perfect, and there is still a LOT to be done in accepting differences, so no need to yell at me.  I can see that there is a willingness to change in several areas, even though it’s imperfect, and there are some sticks-in-the-mud who think that the old way is the only way, and those who think that change is good, as long as it doesn’t affect them, and who think that some changes are a bridge too far.  There are those who are inching forward the yardstick, and I’m optimistic that things will improve in my lifetime and definitely in that of my niece.  I’ve also been fortunate to have met and befriended several priests whose views are open, and who are of the view that “all that God has made is good,” and who do not condemn others.  I may have stacked the deck somewhat but there seem to be a growing number of those.  I am optimistic.  It’s a kink in my construction, but I’d rather that than the alternative!

I’m happy to discuss different viewpoints, and to hear what others think, so if you want to work through my thinking, please feel free.  Meanwhile, the boys are home, and I’m exhausted, so I’ll just take Jerry and go to bed.  Good night!