Collaborating

Today started off a bit chilly, then warmed up to warm sweater and light blanket weather.  I had my lay minister, nurse and a pharmacy delivery all within a couple of hours, and I’m waiting for the grocery delivery now.  Don muttered that it felt like we had a revolving door, and the phone didn’t stop ringing.  That’s the result of him not sleeping well last night and unfortunately just as he dropped off, the phone would ring to allow someone in.  Jerry doesn’t like visitors as he has to be shut in the other room, and then he comes out to do a sweep of the unfamiliar scents.  He then jumps on my lap and assumes a guard position so I can’t slip away from him.  They’re both on the sofa now, dozing.  I’ll leave them alone for a while; there’s a hockey game on later, so I’ll leave him to nap to the relaxing sound of game commentary!

I’m slightly torn between being sad and relieved.  A few people have reached out to me to ask about the best way to deal with hospital situations.  The questions I’ve received are things like, “Do scans hurt? (No.  You just need to lie still for a few minutes)”; “I don’t like needles, but I have to give a blood sample.  (I don’t like them either; I usually ask the tech not to tell me what’s coming, and I find something to look at until it’s over.)”; “I don’t want to get <service> I’ll just wait until I really need it, then ask.  (In my experience, if your team suggests that you get <service> then go ahead with the request.  You can work out a schedule that’s best for everyone, but it can take a month or more to get it set up, and you might not have access as quickly as you’d like)”; “Do I need to get travel insurance if I’m going on a long weekend? (Yes.  It’s good to have that protection — remember to read the policy before you sign!)”  None of that involves giving actual medical advice, it’s more about the experiences and what to expect.  It saddens me, as they’ve said, “I’m asking you because you’ve got so much experience,” and I’d really prefer that I wasn’t the source of information.  But I’m also relieved that I’m able to help them overcome their fears and concerns.  My thinking is, right now, that if I can help someone feel less stressed about things they need to do, then I should, right?  I don’t want anyone to think that I can replace their medical support team, nor do I want them to think that I have all the answers.  I can’t stress often enough that talking to your medical team is your best approach.  

When I was first approached by someone who wanted to know my experience of living with a single kidney, I was taken aback.  They thought it would mean immediate dialysis and drastic lifestyle changes — I wasn’t shocked by that part; I just never considered that I could be a source of information — because I had a host of misconceptions and fears myself when I first heard that I would lose a kidney.  I was honest about my experience after the surgery, and what it’s meant in the time since.  The relief that spread across their face helped me feel that I’d done something beneficial.  The thing I’ve had to say most often (and have had said to me frequently) is that your body needs time to recover itself.  You might think that because your surgery was 20 minutes and you were discharged the same day that you should be fully yourself the next morning.  That’s not so; you’ll find that for a few days you feel sluggish or inclined to doze without warning. It’s perfectly normal to feel nervous, and to have concerns.  Just be kind to yourself and give your body a break.  I’ve got a friend and former work colleague on whom I relied to give me “the speech” regularly; I’d sometimes return the favour.  You know the one — “Listen to your body; don’t push yourself too hard; give yourself permission to rest.”  It got to the point that we left little sticky notes to each other saying that!  I still sometimes reach out to her for the speech, because it’s not easy to implement.  I’m grateful that she’s still willing to do that, all these years later.  She also inspires me with her work as an artist, and I use some of her work to help me relax.

That’s about it for tonight; my toes are all toasty warm from having a small dog lying on them, and he’s ready to be cuddled.  I’m going to try to negotiate some room on the bed — he now settles between me and the edge, so I wind up sleeping in an “S” so I don’t push him off the bed and he just seems to get longer… No complaints, I like it when I feel him lying there in the middle of the night — he keeps the bad dreams away!  Good night!