Embraces

My friend, who does floral arrangements, has been at work on spring wreaths and is tormenting me with photos of his work!!  You can see more on his IG profile here, and you may even order.  It’s really spring-like weather — started out below freezing, warmed up to about 4C but it’s quite chilly.  A friend of mine dropped over today and we swapped out my bed frame, so I’ve got a newer one that’s a little higher than the old one.  Jerry isn’t sure about this, as he has to adjust his leap and will be letting me know what his views are tonight after we go to bed.  Don is good, and was up to some mischief today, so I’m not concerned about him today 😆 We watched the visit of the US President to Parliament on TV and watched the security aircraft circling overhead.  The benefits of living near the “seat of power”  The motorcades roared past this morning, and streets remain closed.  There’s a helicopter hovering overhead at the moment, although I think that the schedule has them heading to a state dinner tonight.  There’s snow forecast over the weekend, and a messy mix just to ensure that we remember that March doesn’t mean that winter is fully done!

I don’t know why, but last night my back went “pop!” (It does that sometimes, no pain, just seems to click in place) and then I had sharp pain which just persisted for most of the night and would resurrect during the day.  My support worker sent me off to sit after my shower, because I was struggling to breathe.  She also rubbed anti-pain gel on my back, which seemed to help, and I’ve been shivering (it’s not cold in here, so I don’t know what’s causing this)  She made me a cup of hot tea and I’m hugging it to try and warm up.  Everything else seems OK, it’s just that sharp pain… I thought, “Oh no!  I fractured my vertebrae again!” I’ve really got to stop freaking out like that when these things happen.  It’s not at all helpful!!

At the risk of being a downer, I need to share something.  I’m happily planning trips for myself, as I mentioned, and was hunting for accommodation.  It’s awesome that there are so many apps that make searching for places to stay easier, and I can select the services and amenities that I need.   I’m realizing that a lot of my challenges apply to senior citizens more than someone who is seriously disabled, and I can either grumble that my body is acting like I’m 30 years older than I am, or I can just figure out ways to allow me to do things I enjoy.  There’s no option for “senior-friendly” in the various apps…  So I checked for “facilities for disabled persons,” as there are some things that would make my stay easier.  When I selected that, the number of offerings went from 67 to 11, and the average nightly cost went from $60 to $120.  So I thought I’d clear that option and just check the places near where I wanted to go and just check photos.  Every. Single. Room — including the ones that said that they were mobility friendly — has a bathtub.  Tubs are a challenge for me, as are so many other “normal” things.  If there’s a tub and a grab bar, then I’m ok, but to climb over the high edge is not something that I can easily manage any more. Stairs are another challenge, and my adaptation is that I’ll gather my things so that I move from one floor to another as few times as possible.  But a place that requires, for example, that you go downstairs to the restaurant, climb back up to the main level to be able to go out, and which has several (steep) stairs between the curb and the front door would effectively wipe me out.  Driving is another thing.  I do drive, but if I drove to the grocery, did some shopping and loaded the car, I’m going to need about 15 minutes’ rest before driving home, and then a day to recover.  That annoys me, and I’ve had to adapt to not planning any long drives and to staggering trips to malls or for shopping (and going with company) so that I can get there and back safely.  I’m able to walk about 300m before I need to stop; if I push myself to do much more, there’s another day needed for recovery.

All that means that I have to reconsider how I plan my travel.  I loved walking around a new city or town, getting the feeling of the community, dropping in at random restaurants/cafés and hopping on and off public transit, or driving myself around.  Those are no longer as easy as they were, and it’s not something that I’d be able to do now.  At airports and train stations, I request a wheelchair, as I can’t walk the distances required from the curb to the departure gates; in fact, climbing onto the little shuttle carts in an airport is painful for me, so I need to be pushed individually.  I’ve overcome my embarrassment at being seated in a wheelchair and driven through the airport but I’m still largely uncomfortable having to rely on others to get me where I’m going.  There’s a bible verse, “when you were younger, you would tie your belt and walk wherever you wanted. But when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will tie you and carry you where you don't want to go."  It feels rather like that…  I want to do things; I think I can, so I try and then find that I can’t do what my mind wishes.  Here’s my moment of adjusting to reality… I’d think that at my age I should be able to do things, maybe a little slower than when I was 17, but still do them.  Instead, I’m having to adjust to the truth that my body — that traitorous, frail vessel — is imposing restrictions that I’m not ready to accept.

I don’t want to seem depressed or unhappy.  I am irked with my condition, but I’ll find ways to readjust to what’s an annoyance.  My travel planning, therefore, will have to undergo some modifications to account for these inconveniences, because I intend to continue travelling and connecting with the people I love (and manage, perhaps, to sneak in some live retail therapy!)  Someone please explain to my back that no pains are needed and they won’t be allowed to interfere with important activities!  Speaking of important activities, I’m reminded that there are puppy tummies needing rubbing… he misses me when I travel 😆 Good night!