Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving from Canada.  It’s been lovely and sunny here, so the kids were able to spend quite a lot of the weekend outside in the garden.  They ate a very healthy series of meals, going back for thirds in at least one case!  It’s good to see that they have healthy appetites, and we didn’t need to use any negotiation practices.  Happily they love fruit, and we made a trip to the local farm stand to clear them out of late season strawberries and make a dent in their supplies of plums, grapes, raspberries and apples.  They also asked for extra servings of “leaves” (salad) so they’ve been really very good.  Don and Jerry had ribs for their dinner, and Don’s been getting some extra sleep — the effect of his booster shot.  Jerry is being spoiled, although he’s complaining that I’m not at home with him.

Auntie Ming’s funeral will be held tomorrow, October 11 at 10am EDT.  This is the link to her Funeral Service which will be live streamed for those of us not in the country.  My sister and I won’t be there for the funeral; we’ll be heading in at the end of October as we’d planned.  At the risk of seeming uncaring, I didn’t change the flights in part because there’s nothing that I can do now to have another conversation with her, so my rushing home to be there for the service is of no use.  As far as supporting my family is concerned, we will be there in under a month after the crowds have faded and the reality of her departure has sunk in.  It’s not perfect, but we’ll do our best.  

As is traditional at Thanksgiving, we went around the table saying something for which we were thankful.  The kids (aged 3 & 2) were thankful for lunch and cake!  That’s such a real expression of thanks, unaffected by deep reasoning.  I am thankful that I’m able to be here, and can function with a high level of autonomy.  I am also thankful that I had Auntie Ming for as long as I did, and had her example before me. I continue to try to be more like her, and I’ll probably be working on that for most of my life.  I’m also thankful for the relationship that I have with Fr. Leo, as he’s helped me become kinder and more caring.  He has always sought and found the good in people.  That’s been a challenge for me, but after seeing his example, I’ve become more open to accepting differences and seeing good in others.  I’m thankful for their influences and examples.  

Unsurprisingly, I’m also grateful for my dad.  I have always admired him, and he’s been my idea of manhood — as it should be for a little girl.  He’s got flaws, obviously, but they are outweighed by his strengths.  As I’ve grown older, he still remains the standard against which I measure men.  He taught me self-respect, and that I am worthy of being loved — something that many women don’t learn, or only believe if they have a man tell them.  I’m indebted to my parents (including Auntie Ming) for showing me what it’s like to have a loving and supportive family system.  I think, in part, that’s what enables me to maintain my faith in God; because I have experienced unconditional love in my own life, I can extend it to much of the world.  A priest (not Fr Leo originally, but he endorsed it) had once explained that it’s impossible to convey the idea of a loving God to people who haven’t experienced human love.  Our imagery is an extrapolation of our actual existence, so if we want to convey that God is love, we need to demonstrate it ourselves.  Sadly, it’s much easier to visualize an angry, vengeful, punitive god, who keeps individual balance sheets of good and evil, with everyone falling short of goodness.  

Every religion has both versions of god - a loving, benevolent one, and a vengeful accountant.  But they also all tend more towards kindness and goodness, acknowledging that it’s a divine attribute and humans will fall short if they are not reinforced by each other.  There are very few of us who can manifest love and kindness if we don’t experience them.  So today, I’m thankful for the examples that I’ve had of love, and I further commit to demonstrating it to those around me, especially to my godchildren, nieces and nephews.  

Now it’s time for the bedtime ritual.  I’ve got a dedicated task mistress who will be sitting up waiting for Auntie to come read (probably Frozen for the millionth time) and she will be fussy if I’m late!  Then I’ll call my cousin and niece for our nightly prayers, and then Don and then to sleep.  Good night all.