Thursday

This is a quick view from the Burlington Skyway this afternoon.  We had a quick errand to run and I took this on the way back.  It was such a beautiful clear day and the view was stunning.  It was also warmer than I expected, which was nice.  My annoyance today was that I got a call from the pharmacy to come in for my flu shot, and when I arrived, after waiting for over an hour, they told me that I couldn’t get it because I’m not old enough and I need a physical letter from my doctor saying that I have cancer.  😔  It was frustrating to have spent all that time when they could have told me on Monday when they added me to the waiting list — I’m used to my pharmacy in Ottawa dealing with these things.  At home, the work that the building was doing has finally reached my floor, and we have no balcony, while Jerry is annoyed at losing access to his outdoor space.  Don is doing well, and has been getting fed by the lady who is also walking Jerry.  I’m relieved that he’s being looked after and has food so he won’t starve.

I’m in a minor quandary right now.  On the one hand, I’m delighted that I’m celebrating 10 years since my initial diagnosis.  At the time, it seemed like it was a distant, possibly unattainable target.  Now that it’s a week away, it’s wonderful.  On the other hand, I’m freaked out at the anniversary, which is what happens every year at this time.  I’ve worked through the exercises for handling trauma, but I still go through it.  I have a very close friend who suffers from PTSS, who has shared with me some of the techniques that  were taught for dealing with it.  The therapists with whom I’ve worked are all good, and have done their best, but I still relive it.  I’d like to be past it, so that I just register that it’s this time of year without having to feel all the emotions again.  

I am still planning to hold a celebration at the beginning of November to honour the date.  I’ll have to work out the details, as I’ll do something when I return to Ottawa, but we’ll also do something here before I return, as the anniversary of my first surgery is November 9th.  It’s one of those times that’s bittersweet.  The stress of going through the week again interferes with my sleep, my mood, my ability to cope… I’m thankfully in a fairly decent state, where I’m not in any significant pain, so my quality of life is decent, but I’d like to be less quickly exhausted!

Ten years ago today, I was getting ready to head home to celebrate my parents’ 45th wedding anniversary. I arrived on October 28 for a 2-week stay, and didn’t return for 3 months.  I never expected that when I left, and I certainly didn’t plan for any of it.  I’m really thankful for the intervention of the doctors in Trinidad and their diagnosis which removed the initial, massive tumour.  In the years since, I’ve had several other surgeries, and I would hope that I can be around for many more years to come.  I’d prefer not to have a lot of time in the hospital, and spend it with my family.  

I’m off for story time now.  I hear the upstairs noises dying down to it’s about time for me to head up and read something relaxing.  Good night!